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  #21  
Old 03-14-2012, 02:22 PM
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This are two one shots I wrote in the past. I call them historical AU do to the fact that somethings in the story may not fit or may not be historically accurate.

They are both Christmas stories so I appologize they are a bit out of season.

Not for Christmas-

Sometimes things don't always turn out as we had hoped.
In which there is a disappointing phone call, the high King is kept from doing something rash and Edmund and Lucy encourage each other. http://sonprincess.livejournal.com/7636.html#cutid1

Christmas Miracle, A Historical AU

This probably the more unrealistic of the two. In fact it's probably so highly unrealistic that I don't know if it should be shared. But as I put my heart into it, it's dear to me even if not based on any "real world" experience.

In a Christmas type of miracle, Mr Pevensie manages to share Christmas with his family.
http://sonprincess.livejournal.com/1598.html#cutid1
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  #22  
Old 03-14-2012, 07:29 PM
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I enjoyed both stories, and there is NO rule that it has to be December for you to post something Christmas-related.

I notice that you follow the movie in bestowing the first name of Helen on the mother of the Pevensie siblings. It is not your fault that the film writers decided to be STUPID on this point. Helen was the name of the wife of Frank the cabbie, in "The Magician's Nephew." (Lewis himself was woefully neglectful, in that he never gave that couple a LAST name.) Having TWO prominent Helens in the Narnian universe invites confusion. It is my opinion that the Walden people went ahead and willfully created that confusion because, from the VERY beginning, they ALREADY purposely intended NEVER to film "The Magician's Nephew."
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  #23  
Old 03-15-2012, 10:11 PM
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Copperfox, I thought I recalled from the commentary, that Georgie's mother name was Helen.
----
I tried to piece together a tale I could write about the friends I've made here on TDL. Unfortunately, this is all that has come so far. For EveningStar and Copperfox

A badger, a fox and a unibunny sat discussing writing under a shady tree in the Dancing Lawn. It was a bright, spring, day and the weather was very pleasant. It was a good day for the author indeed as ideas and thoughts were shared. She felt sure that sure she with such great wisdom shared, it could be a possibility to hope to be a great writer some day.

Last edited by Lil Princess; 03-15-2012 at 10:15 PM.
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  #24  
Old 03-16-2012, 12:17 AM
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Is a Unibunny a rabbit with a horn on its forehead? If so, it would be a cousin of the Jackalope in American folklore, a jackrabbit with antlers.

As you build on this beginning, you might think about what would be the _physical_ resources these creatures would have for writing. For instance, I don't think Mr. Lewis ever stated whether _paper_ existed in Narnia; it would be for you to decide that here.
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  #25  
Old 03-16-2012, 11:49 AM
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Unibunny for me is a bit nebulous right now. Some have pictured it as a smaller size horse with a horn with large ears. And some a fluffy bunny with a unicorn horn. Generally, I tend to go with the later....
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  #26  
Old 03-26-2012, 03:07 AM
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Here's the beginning of my newest project.


Her name was Elizabeth, and he loved her. He spent every moment he could sitting with her, and she sang for him, sometimes late into the night, her voice reverberating through the walls of the house until his mother, wrapped in her pink bathrobe, appeared at the door.

“It’s four in the morning, John. You’ll wake your brother with that racket.”

Her voice shattered the spell and his fingers halted on their keys, and Elizabeth’s voice stopped abruptly.

“It isn’t a racket, Mummy,” he said, “It’s my new piece. Liz and I were trying it out.”

She shook her head, her greying curls bouncing around her face.

“You and that piano. You ought to get a real girl, John.”

He pulled the lid down over the keys and stood up, his back aching from sitting so long, his fingers numb from playing for hours. He swung around to face his mother.

“What do I need a girl for? I haven’t got time.”

“You haven’t got time for anything, it seems. When was the last time you bathed, dear?”

“Well-”

“Or ate?”

“I ate just,” he paused to think, “just about two days ago.”

She shook her head again, clutching the thin bathrobe around her.

“You’ve got school tomorrow, love,” she said, “You’ve got to be awake in two hours.”

School. It was one of the many things he forgot in the music.

“Oh, bother school,” he cried, “And what good is it? You don’t learn anything real there, Mum. It’s all useless books and wars and facts.”

“And what do you suppose is real? That racket you make all hours of the night? You’re good, John. You truly are. But you needn’t let it overtake you. You’ve got your school to worry about. And how about getting a job sometime? Why, you could probably play piano down at Miller’s pub. ”

“I couldn’t play my own work there, and besides-”

“Besides, nothing. John, you’re fifteen. Your father worked at your age. Couldn’t even go to school. You ought to consider yourself lucky.”

He said nothing, and felt angry that she didn’t understand and guilty because he knew she was at least half-right.

“John,” she said, shuffling across the carpet to take his hands, “You’ve got a gift, dear. Why, I’d say there are men twice your age who’d wish they played half as well. But John,” she looked into his eyes, and he wished he’d grow more, so she’d look up rather than down, “John, you’ve got to live in the real world, too.”

She dropped his hands.

“If you won’t go to bed, wash up at least. You look like a tramp.”
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  #27  
Old 03-30-2012, 06:49 AM
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That was very nicely written, SP. So this is a prologue to an ongoing work?
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  #28  
Old 03-30-2012, 07:29 AM
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A good thing to do with a short story is write an opening sentence or paragraph that makes the reader say "Hmmm!" I wouldn't so much call this a "gimmick" as a "technique", but still....

Here's an example that occurred to me this morning:

A million people had passed through the turnstile at Grand Central Station. A million jostling bodies had dropped in a coin and pressed against the bar to make it ratchet and pivot and let them pass. Frank did not drop in a coin and there was no sound but the tap of his shoes, and even that was swallowed in the cacophony. He had grown used to that in the last three years since the experiment.

Think of just how much information...visual, auditory, plot...in so little space, yet it does not seem crowded.
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  #29  
Old 03-30-2012, 10:28 AM
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Oh yes, Evening Star. It's so important to have a great openning. I think that goes with longer fiction. When it comes to online writing, I decide very quickly whether I am going to continue a story to the end (usually I don't, I'm afraid to say).

I think a lot of writers don't understand that you have to sell a story to readers. They assume that if it is well structured and has an exciting narrative one will see it to the end. Not every reader is going to do that.
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"There! You see!" said the Ape. "It's all arranged. And all for your own good. We'll be able, with the money you earn, to make Narnia a country worth living in. There'll be oranges and bananas pouring in -- and roads and big cities and schools and offices and whips and muzzles and saddles and cages and kennels and prisons -- oh, everything."
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  #30  
Old 03-30-2012, 10:37 AM
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That's actually called "Putting a Hook In It". The story goes that Mac Davis had made several trips to a music publisher with perfectly good songs but the agent said no deal. "You need to put a hook in it!" was the drummed in advice. Mac in his frustration wrote, "Baby Don't Get Hooked On Me" and the rest is history.
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