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View Poll Results: How would you rate "The Wolfprince's Revenge"?
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Old 05-25-2011, 07:48 PM
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Default My fourth Warrior Kitten's book: The Wolfprince's Revenge

*shuffles feet nervously* Well hi again everyone. I'm working on a new book and I debated long and hard whether to post it. This is the "secret" I've had that I mentioned before. Originally it was to be my last Warrior Kitten's book but I changed my mind. I'm branching out in my storytelling, and I am very pleased with it. This book will be very different from any other books I've written, because, like I said, I'm branching out. Its about Mozart and the others, but also about Cogg's son, Khain. I'll leave the rest for you to find out for youself though.


The Wolfprince's Revenge






Prologue


Nika watched as her mate Cogg, the newly proclaimed Wolfking assembled their army in front of the castle. Many were wolves but not all; rats, weasels, foxes, snakes even, were some of the many creatures gathered below.

“Why does papa have to go?” Nika’s little son Khain asked, tugging on her skirt.
Nika dropped down from the battlements and said softly, “Because he thinks its right. Our hunting lands are running out, so he takes an army to capture more lands, led by his chief advisor- Tigerclaw. Bah! Cats should not make decisions for wolves! Already he has tried once to capture the Far Lands and failed, yet he goes on. He began the first time without his father’s permission and now look where it has gotten him! Hmph! If the old king were still here he would not let Cogg go again.
“How long was papa gone last time?”
“Near a year. Then he came back for awhile and I thought he would stay- but no, he listens to that cat again and goes of to fight! Foolish Wolfking!”
“But fighting’s hon’rable.” Said Khain.
Nika sighed, “You’ll be just like your father when you grow up, pup. Now come, lets go say goodbye to your papa.” She scooped her little son up in her powerful paws and climbed down from the parapets through the open gate of the ramshackle Wolf-Hall castle.

Cogg stood there, at the head of his army, waiting.
“Take care of my son until I return.” He told Nika.
“If you return.” Nika amended.
“When I have crushed the resistance that lives in the fortress of Reandalawo I will send word to you to come there with our son.” Said Cogg.
Nika laughed, “I fear you are wrong, Cogg, and that you are going to your death. Maybe it does not seem that way but I believe you are. I have a feeling that after this you will never see me nor our son Khain again.”
Cogg shook his head, “I will return, and with new hunting grounds for us and a cat’s head upon my banner-stick. Now let me see my son.”

Nika handed him Khain and the little wolf-pup stared up at him with large almond-brown eyes.
“You’ll come back, papa?” said the pup.
“Yes, I will. That I promise.” Said Cogg knowingly. Then he winked at his son and said, “And when I return I hope to see that you have become a fine little warrior, eh? Make me proud son, for I pray that you will be a greater warrior than I ever will be and that you will succeed where I fail. Promise me that, just as I promise I will return to you. An oath for an oath.”

Khain watched him and said unwaveringly, “I promise papa. I promise.”

****

Three years later Khain paced the walls of Wolf-Hall furiously. A messenger had just arrived with tidings of a great battle where at last the mighty Wolfking Cogg had been destroyed.

Cogg had not kept his end of the bargain.
‘He promised he would come back! With a cat’s head on his banner pole! He promised!’
Now Khain was an honest and trustworthy creature as far as wolves go but in his mind his father had betrayed him and it shook him to the very core.
Khain wanted revenge; revenge on whoever had forced his father to not keep his promise- whoever had killed the father he barely knew.
Nika watched her son. His black fur glistened in the waning light, a mirror image of his father.
‘Oh please I beg to whatever gods exist up there- don’t let him be taken from me as his father was!’

But Nika’s prayers were in vain. For the Wolfprince Khain wanted revenge- he would fulfill his end of the bargain, even if his father didn’t.
He gathered his troops- a hundred and fifty wolves strong- and addressed them from the high wall, saying how they were running out of food and starving and how they must take action to survive. Then he told how his valiant father died trying to give this to them and how they must avenge him even to their own deaths.
“We will band together with the other wolf tribes! We will run to war and death and glory! We will succeed where our fathers failed, we will save ourselves from destruction, we will kill!”

Nika watched it all and shook her head.
‘Just like his father….’

****

Last edited by Mozart the Meerkitten; 05-25-2011 at 07:53 PM. Reason: I curse TDL and its stupid, stupid forum issues. If something is messed up blame the site, it is NOT my fault! :mad:
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Old 05-25-2011, 08:13 PM
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This looks interesting! I'll look forward to reading more.
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Old 05-25-2011, 08:33 PM
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Thanks, I personally think that that is the best prologue I've ever written. And I found out that I REALLY like writing about villain characters- not just good-guys.
I'm trying to make this the best of my books thus far, so any suggestions for how to make it better are appreciated.


Chapter one
From Kits to Cats

‘Ah the days gone by
From when I was a kit
Now have left forever
On this fateful day.

What new adventures do await me?
In far and distant lands?
That my friends I cannot say!

O! A cat I am today, a Cat!
Though thrust into the unforgiving world
When I was barely a babe
I wasn’t, until today,
Eld enough to be called a cat!

O! A cat I am today a Cat!
No longer a mewling kit!
I am a cat today!
To die and defend,
With sword and bow,
Until the sweet, sweet end!

Ah, hum. What do you think of that then? Oh what a fateful, wonderful day it ‘tis today! For on this fine day my siblings and I are to be made cats in front of the whole of Reandalawo (and more than a few others not from there too!) Ah me. I feel I have grown old, though indeed growing is something I do little of. Should I say that it is the curse or blessing of a Meerkitten such as I to be given such a thing? I know not. Yet I’m rather glad- it makes me more of a tool to the White Cat that way. I mean, wouldn’t you believe in miracles if I told you I look like a month old kitten and I’m actually a year old? I wonder.

If anyone ever finds my journal I think they will find it very odd. This is the last page of it as it is. My kit-journal I’m calling it- and it will be the last time I ever write in it. For mama gave me a new one for my birthday today, one for me as an adolescent cat. It feels strange to know that I’ve grown up so much, well, maybe not in stature, but in heart and mind and faith. I’m not a lost and frightened kit anymore like I once was, I am a Warrior, tried and true.

Hmm, well as I sit and reminisce here there are things to be done. I hear my siblings calling me down for the ceremony and I know everyone must be waiting. Maybe I will slide down the banister to them, one last time.’


Mozart put her journal away on her bookshelf and donned her white cloak and scarf, and slid her sword and scabbard onto her belt.

Hurrying outside and down the hallway she came to the stairs to see her three littermate siblings awaiting her at the bottom. Smiling she swung up onto the banister and slid down, her white cloak billowing out behind her.
Laughing now she flew off the slide and landed in her brother Caspian’s strong paws.

“You must be careful little sister, what would mama say if anything happened to you, today of all days?”
“Why, you would never let anything happen to me, Caspian, so why should I worry? And anyway, after this we will all have to act like proper adults, so I figured since proper adults don’t slide down banisters I’d have to do it for a last time before the ceremony.”
“We really won’t be adults for about two more years now you know,” said Toto, “We’re adolescents until we’re two and a half or three, depending on our maturity.”
“Oh whatever, don’t be so technical, Toto, you know that this is a big deal! We’re turning the big 1 year today! Don’t belittle it with your smartness.” Dorthy said, grinning, “Now, let’s act (as Mozart so aptly put it) like proper adults and stop acting like kits on their first outing. It’ll be sundown before we get there at this rate!”

So the four siblings went into their formation. It was a tactic they had come up with for battles: Mozart and Dorthy were in front so that they could pick off attackers coming towards them with their bows. Toto and Caspian were behind to guard their sister’s back’s with their swords. The four had also figured out that this system worked well for important ceremonies as it looked both regal and proper.

All the kittens were adorned with their weapons and ceremonial cloaks; Toto with his golden and white edged cloak; Caspian with his royal blue one, fringed with shocking red; Dorthy in her dark forest-green cuffed with brown; and Mozart in her white cloak with a dark purple collar and her white scarf. Toto wore his sword with the golden gem in the pommel, Caspian his sword with the ruby red gem in the pommel. Dorthy wore her quiver, filled with her arrows and unstrung bow as well as her dagger with the green gem. And Mozart, Mozart wore her small sword with the blue gem in the pommel and her hidden dagger.

Last edited by Mozart the Meerkitten; 07-03-2011 at 05:14 PM.
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Old 05-25-2011, 08:34 PM
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As they entered the great Hall of Reandalawo they saw a great multitude of creatures sitting there, come to watch their kitten heroes become adults. For Mozart and her siblings where renowned throughout the land for their amazing feats of bravery- first of Mozart being the bane of Cogg the Wolfking, and then of all four kittens going across dangerous and unknown lands to rescue their young friends from the formerly evil cat, Claw, now known as Tigerheart.

A platform stood at the center of the hall, and upon it stood Ribbony and his Catlition, as well as the kittens parents; Rita and Jako.
Mozart led the way up the stairs onto the platform, followed by her siblings. They spread out on it, so that each of them could be seen clearly by all in the crowd. Sitting there, watching them, were all their best friends; Fireheart and her siblings, as well as her best friend Jade; the rapidly maturing FSS (Frodo, Shadow and Smokey); all the kittens’ siblings, from three-legged Mistyfoot, to Clancy and Brightheart, to Midnight and Flower.
There were grown-ups in the crowd too; proud old Myrrh and her kits who were Mozart and the others foster mother and siblings; Old Missy, the feisty elder who had watched over them when they were young; Tori, Fire and co.’s mother and her reformed mate, Tigerheart.

All these cats and more had been a part of Mozart and her sibling’s adventures from the beginning. She had been through sadness, pain and death with them, as well as happiness, love and life. They were her extended family of siblings, mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles and cousins. She could only ever love one creature more than them, and she knew that He was watching her then too. For Ribbony had told them He could see everything: he lived in a palace in the clouds with his father, pure and holy in everything they did. Who was this creature?
Mozart smiled. She wasn’t truly sure she knew.
He was the White Cat and He loved her like a daughter, and that was all Mozart needed to know.

Ribbony’s voice broke her musing thoughts apart.
“Well everybody, we’re here today to make these four ruffian kits into adult ad-o-les-ents. Not exactly sure what that means though…” he muttered, “Anyway. They’re growing up is the point and we must honor that like we’ve always honor’d every young cat afore them.
Now Jako, do you think you’re tomkits ‘ave learnt the necessary skills to become warriors (now that’s a silly question we all know the answer to, now isn’t it?), possible leaders, capable ‘unters and that they’d be able to carry on your profession someday when your hairs are gray?” there were several chuckles from the crowd in recognition of Ribbony’s rhyme.

Jako smiled, “I do. I think they have excelled far beyond anything I could have ever taught them though, they’re bright boys they are, very bright. Strong too and brave- you wouldn’t want to have my Toto or my Caspian against you in a batter, no siree! You’d run the other direction if you saw them coming at you with a sword! As for profession; I’m a swordsmaker and a fighter and my sons can make swords and fight with them, as I’ve already said.” Murmurs of approval rippled through the crowd, for it was natural for a father to brag about his sons’ in their “adult adolescent” ceremony.

Ribbony nodded and stepped back. Dora took his place.
“Rita,” she said, addressing the small, black-striped she-cat on the platform who watched her kits so proudly, “Do you believe that your daughters are capable of both running a home for their mates if they should ever have one, as well as being able to fight for their home if there is ever a need?”
Rita was about to reply when Dorthy burst out;

“Run a home?!? Are you crazy! I’m never gonna do that! Its silly!” all eyes turned to the small pale-golden she-cat.
“What?” muttered Dorthy, “I’m just stating a fact.”

Rita smiled at her outspoken daughter’s outburst. She had fully expected it and chose her next words carefully.
“I believe that my daughters will run a home (should they ever have one) in the ways they perceive best. For a mother cannot teach every circumstance to her kits, some things they must learn to deal with themselves without my help. As for fighting, they are both more than capable as grand archers and excellent swordscats.” She watched in amusement as Dorthy nodded her head in agreement.

Then Ribbony and his siblings spread out to the four young cats. Creamy took Toto, Explorer Caspian, Dora Dorthy and Ribbony settled by Mozart. Each older cat took a circlet out of his or her cloak and held it in front of them and the young cat. Then Creamy began to hum the old words of an ancient chant from the very first adolescent ceremony that had ever taken place. Slowly Explorer, Ribbony and Dora joined in singing the words:

“Young cats, they come and go like leaves
One day this, another that
Yet as you grow you start to see
It does not always prove to be good, to be busy as a bee
The older you get, the slower you go
The more time you take to see things
The more time you take to make things
The more complex you grow.
Yet before you age as old as me
Or grow elder than a tree
Use your youthful strength and energy
To be who you have always wanted to be.
Don’t rush by to quick to see a newborn spring
Don’t hurry faster than a cloud on windblown day
Don’t go to slow you forget to play
Don’t forget to be yourself.
Kit you are no longer, nor adult shall you be,
Adolescent cat you are,
So be a better lad or lass than me,
And go fulfill your destiny.”


****

Last edited by Mozart the Meerkitten; 07-03-2011 at 05:18 PM.
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Old 05-25-2011, 09:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mozart the Meerkitten View Post
Thanks, I personally think that that is the best prologue I've ever written. And I found out that I REALLY like writing about villain characters- not just good-guys.
I'm trying to make this the best of my books thus far, so any suggestions for how to make it better are appreciated.
I'd be glad to help. But if I get irritating, please let me know...


Quote:
What new adventures do await me?
In far and distant lands?
That my friends I cannot say!

You need commas in that last line. "That, my friends, I cannot say!"


Quote:
Ah, hum. What do you think of that then? Oh what a fateful, wonderful day it ‘tis today! For on this fine day my siblings and I are to be made cats in front of the whole of Reandalawo (and more than a few others not from there too!)
You said 'the whole of Reandalawo', thus, we know that anyone else coming is not from there. You can just say "and many others too!" I feel it makes it easier to read. I also feel that "many" is preferable to "More than a few", but that's not a big deal.

Quote:
As they entered the great Hall of Reandalawo they saw a great multitude of creatures sitting there, come to watch their kitten heroes become adults. For Mozart and her siblings where renowned throughout the land for their amazing feats of bravery- first of Mozart being the bane of Cogg the Wolfking, and then of all four kittens going across dangerous and unknown lands to rescue their young friends from the formerly evil cat, Claw, now known as Tigerheart.
"Where" means "Where is my hairbursh?" You meant "were". I understand that it was just a mistake; do you want me to keep pointing out things like this or focus on the bigger stuff?

Quote:
A platform stood at the center of the hall, and upon it stood Ribbony and his Catlition, as well as the kittens parents; Rita and Jako.
Mozart led the way up the stairs onto the platform, followed by her siblings. They spread out on it, so that each of them could be seen clearly by all in the crowd. Sitting there, watching them, were all their best friends; Fireheart and her siblings, as well as her best friend Jade; the rapidly maturing FSS (Frodo, Shadow and Smokey); all the kittens’ siblings, from three-legged Mistyfoot, to Clancy and Brightheart, to Midnight and Flower.
There were grown-ups in the crowd too; proud old Myrrh and her kits who were Mozart and the others foster mother and siblings; Old Missy, the feisty elder who had watched over them when they were young; Tori, Fire and co.’s mother and her reformed mate, Tigerheart.
Semicolons are used to separate two different clauses and put them together in a sentence. (e.g. The cats are clever and quick on their feet; they are good hunters.) In your usage, it would be appropriate to use a colon, which is used before a list. (e.g. Sitting there, watching them, were all their best friends: Fireheart and her siblings, as well as her best friend Jade...)


Quote:
]All these cats and more had been a part of Mozart and her sibling’s adventures from the beginning. She had been through sadness, pain and death with them, as well as happiness, love and life. They were her extended family of siblings, mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles and cousins. She could only ever love one creature more than them, and she knew that He was watching her then too. For Ribbony had told them He could see everything: he lived in a palace in the clouds with his father, pure and holy in everything they did. Who was this creature?
Mozart smiled. She wasn’t truly sure she knew.
He was the White Cat and He loved her like a daughter, and that was all Mozart needed to know.
That's great! Very well expressed.
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Old 05-27-2011, 03:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MissReepicheep View Post
I'd be glad to help. But if I get irritating, please let me know...



You need commas in that last line. "That, my friends, I cannot say!"



You said 'the whole of Reandalawo', thus, we know that anyone else coming is not from there. You can just say "and many others too!" I feel it makes it easier to read. I also feel that "many" is preferable to "More than a few", but that's not a big deal.



"Where" means "Where is my hairbursh?" You meant "were". I understand that it was just a mistake; do you want me to keep pointing out things like this or focus on the bigger stuff?

Semicolons are used to separate two different clauses and put them together in a sentence. (e.g. The cats are clever and quick on their feet; they are good hunters.) In your usage, it would be appropriate to use a colon, which is used before a list. (e.g. Sitting there, watching them, were all their best friends: Fireheart and her siblings, as well as her best friend Jade...)


[COLOR="Black"]
That's great! Very well expressed.
Thank you! I'm especially glad you informed me about the semi-colons because I'm never sure what to use them for. And you can point out whatever you want, just don't ask me to change names (like I've had people say I should change the name "Reandalawo" to something easier) unless you can come up with a better name for the world, "Kreemka" or the series name, "Warrior Kittens".


Okay. So anyway....





Chapter two
Unnecessary Bloodshed


Khain stood on a hill overlooking one of the small villages of Freedom Forest. Smoke swirled up from the chimneys; fathers and mothers were walking home from work; youngsters dashed through the streets, eager to get to bed before they were reprimanded.
In all it was a very ordinary little village.

Except for of course the fact that Khain had targeted it.
The huge black wolf turned to his warriors: most were wolves, but there were a few other evil creatures slinking amongst the ranks. Khain nodded twice and the hundred-strong force of wolves loped down the hill towards the village. Khain watched as they split forces to circle around on either side of it, then with a howl that echoed from the throats of all the wolves they threw themselves forward into the streets.

Khain watched grimly as creatures young and old were dragged from their homes, wailing and screaming. Once, a group of young boys and their fathers attempted to counterattack the wolves but it only served to get three of them killed. Then, once every creature had been taken from their homes and hiding places, Khain walked calmly down the slope and into the village. The bedraggled occupants stood in the center of the settlement in a line, awaiting judgment.

Khain nodded once. His commander- a wolf called Tagerus- responded by drawing his sword and lopping off the head of the creature in front of him. The trunk of the creature- formerly a fox- toppled to the ground. At the same moment the heads of all the other male creatures were also taken off. The females and young creatures though remained standing, shivering in terror, wondering what this nightmare of a wolf would do next.

Then Khain spoke, with all the might and authority of a great and terrible king. His voice was deep and resounding, yet also young, as if he were not quite yet of age.
“People of this pitiful and insignificant village,” he began, “I am Khain, son of Cogg the Wolfking. I have come to finish what my father started, though perhaps differently than his way. I am not pure evil though which is why I have let you live. Mothers, your children will be made slaves and you will also. If your sons show promise then they shall be taken into my army to train and serve. I warn you not to disobey, for the consequences will be dire if you do,” he paused and smiled a smile that never reached his eyes, “Literally.”

Last edited by Mozart the Meerkitten; 05-27-2011 at 07:24 PM.
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Old 05-27-2011, 05:56 PM
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Yay, I'm glad my help is... um, helpful.

I like chapter two! The only thing I want to point out is you said the commander in cheif "loped" of someone's head. It needs an extra p to make it "lopped".

I like how you described the smile which never reached his eyes.
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Old 05-27-2011, 07:29 PM
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I'm going to need to do alot less editing with you around MissR. haha...


And wait, that's not all! Because I found I like writing about bloodthirsty villians who chop creature's heads off for fun. They're so much more interesting than the good guys. xD (just kidding, but it is really fun to write about the villains of my stories... in a sick and twisted sorta way. XD)



Then one of the mothers stepped forward. She was an old cat with graying fur but fierce eyes. She walked right up to Khain himself and stared him in the eye, though she was significantly smaller than him.
“You filthy maggot-eating wretch!” she hissed to him, “Promises you cannot keep! My child is dead, you kilt him here moments ago. Yet you say our children will be slaves? Bah! What about us too old, with kits already grown? I remember your father. You and him are just alike, even look the same. Except in you, in you darkness makes your heart grow cold. Hate festers in you like a sickness. You want revenge on who kilt your father, well I want revenge on who kilt my son, an’ someday I’ll have it! When you’re screamin’ in the pits of fire with your fur alight an’ glowin’ I’ll be up in the clouds with my son watchin’ you. I’ll be with the White Cat and you’ll be dieing an eternal death with the demons. Not so tuff then, eh, Wolfprince?”

With a roar Khain sliced his claws through her, cutting her in half. Blood spurted onto his claws and chest making him look even more feral.
“And that is what happens,” he said, his breathing slowing, “When you talk back to Khain the Wolfking.”

****
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Old 05-27-2011, 07:55 PM
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Yay, another warrior kittens book!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mozart the Meerkitten View Post
And wait, that's not all! Because I found I like writing about bloodthirsty villians who chop creature's heads off for fun. They're so much more interesting than the good guys. xD (just kidding, but it is really fun to write about the villains of my stories... in a sick and twisted sorta way. XD)
Heehee. I agree with that. *evil smiley*
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Old 05-28-2011, 01:05 PM
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This part is interesting as it shows that not ALL the wolves are evil:


Nika watched as her son led their triumphant party up the slope to their Army-Camp. She sighed and shook her brown furred head; her son had been killing again: blood stained his unadorned chest and sharp white claws.

Why was she condemned to have both a husband and a son who loved violence? Would she forever be caught up in a web of deaths and killings with her son? Or was their yet still some hope for him?
‘No. Everyday he slips farther away from me. Nika, if you want to do something about him, you must do it soon else we all perish in the storm he will unleash.’

Khain walked up to her, smiling in triumph. Behind him marched a bedraggled array of slaves- mothers and young ones, Nika saw. Some held babes as she once had, and she pitied them and hated her son for doing this to them.
“Khain,” she said, “What atrocious deed of blood and death have you committed today?” asked his mother.
“Not so, dear mother! You wrong me when you say such things!” said Khain, his brow furrowing.
“Do you not also wrong others when you steal their homes from them?” she countered, “We lost much and you brood on it often, but you do not seem to even think when it comes to taking from others. I do not wrong you, son, I speak truth.” She stared up into his brown eyes and choked back tears as she saw a red tint in them.
‘Just like his father’s eyes when Cogg came back from fighting, bloodred. Eyes that have seen murder and death and loved it. I must not let that happen to my son!’ Nika hardened herself and then walked in front of Khain, blocking his way.
“I must speak to you alone son, take me to where we can be alone.”

Khain nodded to Tagerus to take the lead then took his mother to his tent.
“What wish you to speak of, mother?” asked Khain, respectively.
“Why do you revel in death and destruction? What good will it do, even if you conquer the world, if you destroy all the creatures of this place and have none to rule over? For if this campaign continues that is surely what will happen; you will destroy both your warriors and every creature atwixt here and your goal.”
“Mother, I wish only to acquire more land for our wolves and to take revenge on my father- what is so wrong with that?”
“That you make innocent souls suffer for it, that’s what! What do you hope to gain by killing the mates of all the female villagers and rendering them widows and their children fatherless? Just because your father was taken from you does not mean that others should have to suffer the same fate!”

Khain howled. Bringing a massive forepaw down on the table between them he broke it in two, the halves toppling to either side like badly supported walls.
“They can all rot in the Pit for all I care!” he shouted, “Murderers! They helped kill my father! They lent aid to his killer! They must face the consequences!”
Nika took a step back then shook her head.

“Then do so without my blessing or allowance.” And then she left the tent, unshed tears brimming in her eyes.

****

Last edited by Mozart the Meerkitten; 07-03-2011 at 05:25 PM.
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