November 3rd
Student's Retreat is this weekend. I'm excited, they've set up the church in a sort of concert theme and me and Angie are helping lead the worship all weekend. The biggest thing is that we aren't allowed to text or phone anyone during the retreat so that we stay focused on what's important. I can see how that's good for everyone but I hate not being able to talk to RJ. Since he's not here, the only way I can spend any time with him is on the phone.
But rules are rules.
The other day I told RJ about some rude guys that made some dumb comments to me while Jaymie and Lynn and I were out.
I sort of laughed it off.
"Well what do you expect Hail? You're a bombshell. Guys are always gonna be lookin' at you."
I guess I kind of expected more of an angry reaction. Or maybe more of a protective or even possessive comment.
Sometimes RJ's open minded, down to earth thinking just doesn't fit the moment. At least in terms of what I need.
I got to sing the National Anthem at a golf tournament this afternoon. It was from an audition I did somewhere else and didn't get in, but I guess I made an impression because they passed on my information to this tournament.
It was great and I got some nice thank you gifts in return.
Josh and I are spending more time together as we are both on the worship team in Student Ministry and now we share a lot of the same friends.
Jaymie is coming to Student Retreat too, and the church.
Mum and Emma were being "exclusive" the other night, and just on my case in general. Both of them just doin' me head in.
I called RJ and vented to him about it and he listened for a while and then tried to get me to see things from Emma's perspective!
"Why do you let them get to you. I don't think they're out to get you, Hailey, they're your family." That was it, I had a little snap.
"You don't get it, do you? It's been like this my whole life. It drives me up the wall. And they don't have any right to talk to me about how much time I spend on what, it's like they don't care."
"Hail, what are you going on about?" RJ stopped me.
"I... well, Emma just thinks she can tell me what to do all the time and with little side comments she makes me feel ... you wouldn't understand." I was so frustrated.
"Try me. What wouldn't I understand?"
"I... had a little problem with food, OK? And whenever Emma says something about what I eat, or what she and Mum eat or calorie counting or whatever, it just feels insensitive."
"A problem with food?" He asked me. Really? I had to explain this to him?
"I got really extreme is all. Stopped eating for a while. And I'm not like that anymore but things still get to me. Make me anxious. And Emma and Mum are always talking about diets and weight and calories and food."
"Hailey, you don't need to worry about all that stuff. You're plenty gorgeous."
"Thanks." I sighed. He didn't get it. I knew he wouldn't. But it wasn't worth going on about. At this point I'm not sure if anyone would understand the inside of my mind.
Josh and I are headed out for worship rehearsal, This weekend is going to be great!