Sonnets Here, In-House

A short critique of Copper's thread I make
I cast mine eye upon his antique verse
And after due consideration take
A smattering of feedback I disperse

A worthy stab he taketh at the task
To write a sonnet for each forum friend
My badger snicker with a paw I mask
And full straight face-ed to the work I bend

Shakespeare methinks hath reason not to fret
Twixt his own verse and that of bathroom wall
It neatly fits for merit shown and yet
It pleaseth me exceeding after all

Of five stars in the heavens bright there be
I rate this thread a total score of three

(Don't kill me... :D )
 
Oh, I won't kill you, John. Living well is the best revenge.


FOR MY FOURTH FORUM-
NIECE, IF I'VE KEPT COUNT



Callandra--or as she prefers, LC--
Has dug an A-A rhyme scheme out of me.
That's unconventional for sonnets, but
In this case it feels fitting to my gut.

My niece LC is different herself;
The difference is good, like a High Elf.
More grownup than so many forum girls,
She seeks to understand their private worlds.

Her outward-looking spirit has the gift
Of caring what the kids are coping with.
Instead of seeing others as a bore,
She wants to get to know her neighbors more,

The better to share Christian charity;
What better thing to praise in poetry?
 
Oh, I won't kill you, John. Living well is the best revenge.


FOR MY FOURTH FORUM-
NIECE, IF I'VE KEPT COUNT



Callandra--or as she prefers, LC--
Has dug an A-A rhyme scheme out of me.
That's unconventional for sonnets, but
In this case it feels fitting to my gut.

My niece LC is different herself;
The difference is good, like a High Elf.
More grownup than so many forum girls,
She seeks to understand their private worlds.

Her outward-looking spirit has the gift
Of caring what the kids are coping with.
Instead of seeing others as a bore,
She wants to get to know her neighbors more,

The better to share Christian charity;
What better thing to praise in poetry?

Awwww, Uncle Joe, I'm honored you see me that way! *gugs* This made my day, thank you! ^_^
 
This next effort will illustrate a point of technique: AVOIDING UNNECESSARY DIFFICULTY. Because it would be difficult to make "QueenAravis707" fit within the strict meter of a sonnet, I'm not going to try to. (Just "QueenAravis" would have worked easily; the Seven-Oh-Seven is the hangup.) Instead, I'll identify her in the TITLE, and write the body of the poem using second person, addressing her directly.


To QueenAravis707

You complimented me on what I write;
You kept up with my Bible quizzes, too.
You look both for the literary light,
And for what Jesus Christ proclaims as true.

You doubted your potential to command
The elements of meter and of rhyme;
But all you needed was the tools in hand,
And guidance; therefore, since I had the time,

I added lessons in The Marketplace
About poetic method, form and style;
You studied at a gratifying pace,
And soon turned out some verse that made me smile.

You ventured out of your self-doubting box,
And that's enough reward for Copperfox.
 
In a profile message to me moments earlier, Q-A pointed out that I could have used her actual name, Abby, in the poem. That's true, I could have, but I think the sonnet worked out okay as it was. Note that I could not have placed the name Abby at the END of any line, because when iambic pentameter is followed strictly, every line must end on a _stressed_ syllable, which the name Abby does not.

And that leads us to the term "poetic license." This means poets making exceptions to their own rules when they feel that the _content_ is important enough to overrule rigid obedience to style. Shakespeare did it, as Mr. Lewis has pointed out somewhere; so I guess it's respectable. Still, I try not to take poetic license too often.

Tell you what, though, Q-A: since you've been so supportive of my Bible-quiz thread, I'll write a little postscript to my sonnet for you, in which I _will_ take poetic license in the matter of unstressed syllables (and of total number of beats in the line)....


I'm glad my work has pleased you, charming Abby;
I'm sure in turn that you'll make others happy.
 
For my OWN reference, as much as anyone else's, here is a list of all members who have so far been sonnetized:


Umbrellaxscenexcore
Timbalionguy
MGG-Took
EveningStar
PrinceoftheWest
Ephinie
Lifemaiden
Solya
Inkspot
Near
QA48
Bruiser
LordofLight
GentleVoice
LucytheMarshwiggle
Inkling
Miss.Sunflower
MYSELF--by EveningStar!
LadyCallandra
QueenAravis707
 
Onward, now--

FOR LADY OF NARNIA


"Enthusiasm": did you know that word
Was based upon the Greek word meaning God?
Then how applicable that it be heard
Of one who has no treacherous facade!

This fifteen-year-old friend of G-G-Took,
Who plays in the Insane Asylum game,
Is really sane enough to love God's Book,
New Testament and Old revered the same.

She brightly welcomes each new Bible quiz
As if it were the perfect Christmas gift;
Her pure and glad participation is
Confirming the intended spirit-lift.

One morning, Further Up and Further In,
She'll greet my Janalee as her own kin.
 
How about our distinguished founder and guiding light Paul Martin, owner and operator of The Dancing Lawn?
 
I certainly have nothing against Paul getting sonnetized, but I've been starting with people who interact more with me personally. Let's see, Paul has done some Christian theater ministry, has he not? That would be something to work from. *puts on thinking cap*
 
Once MORE for guess whom?



When two are leaning all their weight on one,
And one is propping two up every day,
The one is lucky to get any fun,
Which is applicable to Miss Mannee.

To live the obligations of one's blood
Can keep you toiling till your strength is gone;
But never one to chew self-pity's cud,
She vents instead upon The Dancing Lawn.

Instead of throwing fits among her kin,
She throws imaginary chairs and pies
At friends in the imagined loony-bin,
To cut fatigue and worry down to size.

Then once more to the Wigwam, and a day
Of work, with mind refreshed by online play.
 
It was about Vanessa, a.k.a. Mrs. Gil-Galad Took. I said "Once more" because she has gotten the most attention on this thread so far.
 
You said "Miss Mannee" and I knew exactly who you were talking about. And this one is really great.
 
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