World Domination 4

ALWAYS burn ashes, Sopespian, it's the first rule of a capable ranger. Unburnt ashes will chase you round the campfire all night and snap at your trousers, whereas burnt ashes will sail peacefully down to the ground, curl up, and go to sleep.
 
Burnt ashes can also make good pets if you have young children. They don't shed, they don't need food, and they aren't banned by any apartment complex or housing development.
 
You live in an apartment. And I have my doubts that kangeroos can be legally transported to Germany as pets, anyway.
 
A garden, or a jungle? I'm pretty sure you can't hide a kangeroo in the space between the carrots and tomatoes, if that's what you're considering.
 
Carrots? Tomatoes? My garden is so big I stole Stonehenge and rebuilt it at the bottom of the garden, thank you very much. I may have many problems, but a kangaroo ain't one.
 
Tell them you're scheduling a human sacrifice at Stonehenge for exactly 3:30 in the afternoon, and they need to be on time in full ceremonial regalia. When they have all arrived and are eagerly awaiting the majestic sacrifice, etc., bomb the area. That should do the trick.
 
I think you're next. Do you have any particular feelings on the subject? They're convinced that your life force will improve the crops in Germany for seven and a half months, so the sacrifice will obviously be worth it.
 
You mean there will be more delicious buns? I'd do anything for delicious buns. I'm in. Just, if they could skip the four hours of chanting this time? It's kind of annoying.
 
They have to do the thing properly. Less chanting means less life force, less grain, fewer buns.

Also, make sure to behave yourself with the dignity befitting a sacrifice, hmm?
 
Trust me, the chanting will add nothing to my life force.

How dare you question my dignity! :mad: Oh, you mean the giant clown shoes? They're what I wear indoors, which was where the druids apprehended me... They didn't give me time to change into something more appropriate.
 
The chanting isn't meant to add to your life force, it just helps the earth prepare to receive your life force. Experiencing you can be quite a jolt, you know, and it's important to be sure the earth is up to it. Trying to resuscitate an entire planet is not fun. Generally it involves having to sacrifice a large number of kings, and kings aren't exactly abundant these days. Also, they often seem ambivalent about participating.

*Druids remove Freckles' clown shoes* Apparently your bare feet are helping the earth get to know you better.
 
It's not doing anything for the druids, however. My lime-green nail polish has completely robbed them of their eyesight and now they're just stumbling over my lawn and trampling the cabbage patch. I shall make an, um, discreet retreat and go into hiding with most of the kings... L8rs.
 
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