The Duffer Encyclopedia, 2nd Edition

Mine's probably trying to do that next week when I start working two jobs. I'd like to see it try.
 
Maturity

Asking for ice cream to be thrown at you. This definition was invented by Sopespian, who subsequently showed a decided lack of maturity in complaining that the ice cream thrown at him was not the right kind and therefore forced him to shower. No one could recall him showering since he arrived to conquer Dufferland for Telmar, so the incident came as a relief to everyone else.
 
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Seriously

1. Misspelling of the adverbial form of Sirius Black's name. It ought to be siriusly, as in, "That guy is siriusly dueling a mentally disturbed person who is better with a wand than he is. And he is siriusly excited about it. Siriusly, that's very stupid."

2. An indication that someone wants you to listen to them, because they are about to say something nonsenical but abnormally long.

3. An indication that someone doesn't want you to try what they are suggesting, because it could kill you.

4. An indication that someone does want you to try what they are suggesting, because it could kill you.

5. An indication that a mod has entered Dufferland and has forgotten the language of the natives.
 
Morality

Duffers have a very delicate sense of morality, which means that they will do whatever it takes to avoid facing the wrath of Specter.* Beyond things like avoiding wrath, however, it can be difficult to explain exactly how to live a moral life according to Duffer standards. I will therefore attempt some general guidelines.

1. Talking about murder is moral. Becoming a career murderer is not.

then there's also fratricide, sibliside, uxoricide, infanticide, matricide, mariticide, filicide, sororicide, and lemon cide

i wonder why so few people choose the career of a murderer when there are so many possible opportunities and branches...
perhaps some of us just have a sense of moral lol
but, come on, be honest, isn't fratricide sometimes SO tempting!?

2. Being a career murderer is different from murdering. Murdering can be acceptable under the right circumstances, no matter what Derny says.

It wouldn't be sadistic to murder a mother-in-law! Mothers-in-law, as everyone knows, always count as justifiable murder. :D

3. Names matter. If you call your variety of murder by a good name, people will react with a more positive attitude.

well said. i'm inclined to forgive you for the horrible adjectives you used on my idea of self-defense before.
if fratricide is too cruel for you, how about fratriinfryingpanunderhammertrollsittingonhammerlaurenannyoingthetrollcide...?

4. Stealing can solve your problems, if written ideas about the methology are properly formatted.

Mind tricks don't work on me! Only money...
Well I don't have that, so what am I supposed to do eh?
Steal it. If you need ideas on how to steal, just let me know. I've got lots.
I would like a preview of a dozen or so. But properly done with a title and dedication.

5. If you attempt to steal, you should not attempt it in a boring manner, which would be immoral. For ideas on how to steal appropriately, read "How to Steal in an Interesting Fashion." Or don't, and say you did. Which leads me to....

6. Lying. It can be a highly moral action if done in a sufficiently outrageous manner.

7. Heresy and/or blasphemy are immoral. Both are punishable by death, pending when we feel like having an execution. The heretic and/or blasphemer is not required by law to understand what their heresy and/or blasphemy was; they can rest assured that they will not be subjected to unpleasant legal questioning before being burnt. Or hanged. Et cetera. Observe:

How... how does a cliff splat?
Burn the heretic!

In sum, Duffers are really not sure what morality is. But we are sure that we have a lot of it. That's because Duffers want to have what everyone else has, and if we can't get enough natural morality to reach the global average, then we will steal it. In an interesting fashion.

_____________________________
* Toodles says that an attempt to avoid unpleasant consequences does not constitute a legitimate standard of morality under any ethical system ever created. As Toodles' reflections on ethicality seem to primarily be directed at Sopespian, however, he should not be presumed to speak for all Duffers.
 
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Gift

Something one person gives to another person that the second person does not pay for. Jewels demanded at cactus-point do not count.*

Robbery is distantly related to gifts, because people liked Robin Hood and tended to give him things, such as food, clothes, free blood-letting sessions, etc.

Grift is directly related to gifts because only one letter is different, and grift probably comes from the word graft, which really does mean giving people things. And then they give you things in return, such as new government programs. It's really just like Christmas.


The Authors of this Encyclopedia recognize that occasionally jewels do count, and that many of these take high-paying jobs as accountants. But in general, jewels are poor at arithmetic and mainly focus on reciting their ABCs. In any case, the accountants among them tend to perform poorly when threatened with a cactus. The reason has yet to be determined, as spines aren't much of a threat when you are a brightly-colored rock.
 
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Needlepoint

In Dufferland, needlepoint is occasionally used to threaten Duffers, or, occasionally, to impale them. Miss Freckles, otherwise known as "Freck the Impaler," initially attempted needlepoint using a crochet hook.

[From] murderous frenzy to post-impalation contentment.

*brandishes crochet hook*

It has been determined that needlepoint ought to be accomplished by something with "needle" in the name, and which has an end that can be sharpened. As sewing needles are rather small to be used for needlepoint--holding someone at needlepoint can be stressful, and it would be easy to drop a sewing needle with sweaty fingers--knitting needles are generally preferred.

If needlepoint is used to extort someone, then the guilty party may be accused of armed robbery. Alternately, they may be accused of a different crime on no legitimate grounds whatsoever. Either situation is eminently possible.
 
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I love these recent updates! I'd like to add that despite how much people have grown to loathe Frozen, getting held and stabbed at needlepoint is an excellent opportunity to quote Olaf by saying, "Oh, look! I've been impaled!"
 
Guys...

this is awkward...

I hate to be the one to have to break this to you, but...

I don't think you're talking about the same thing here.
 
WS is the culprit, D and I were talking about the same thing. *throws WS's spare trousers to the DLF*
 
We should admonish the DLF to use words common to all of us. I f he starts using his words again, he'll just confuse us all. I'm quite certain he's invented an entire language that's just gibberish to anyone else, but look at him. He's clearly quite proud of himself over it nonetheless.
 
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