Because I have a very long name, I've decided to shorten it to simply "Thomas" for my entry.
Thomas: Welcome everybody to another episode of Close Encounters. Today we have two very special guests, Trumpkin of Narnia, and Gimli of Middle-Earth! Today we're going to discuss dwarven battle tactics, prefered entertainment, and general life style. First thing I want to ask is, what do you most enjoy after a battle has been won and it's time for everybody to make merry? Gimli, you first.
Gimli: There's nothing like a good mug of stout malt beer, red meat off the bone,and salted pork!
Trumpkin: Yes, sir, that's fine dining to be sure. Especially when you've a good cider as well- and some pretty driads about to look at!
Gimli: Driads? Tree-women are a bit too elf-like for Durin's folk. Are you sure you're a full-blood dwarf? We like our women stout and hairy!
Thomas: Now Gimli, you must understand that Trumpkin is from Narnia, which is an entirely seperate world from Middle-Earth. He is a full-blood dwarf, but he is not of Durin's folk as you are.
Trumpkin: Who's Durin?
Gimli: Why the great Durin! The first and greatest king of the dwarves! By Durin's beard, a dwarf who's never heard of Durin! Now I've heard everything. I do hope you at least know how to use an axe. . .
Trumpkin: Of course I do! I'm proficient with a great many weapons, including the bow and arrow. Once I only narrowly lost to Queen Susan the Gentle's great archery skills in a competition!
Thomas: This brings up another point of our discussion: Warfare. Trumpkin, why don't you tell us the most common battle tactics used by dwarves in battle?
Trumpkin: Well, we dwarfs are generally grand archers, so in most Narnian battles, we stand behind and a bit above the lines of foot soldiers of various other Narnian creatures while firing at the enemy ranks with our bows. If the enemy comes into our reach, we switch to our swords, axes, maces, and spears and take our enemies head on.
Gimli: Staying behind at the beginning of the fight, shooting with arrows like the elves?! That's not the dwarven way! True dwarves charge straight into the fray with our great axes, war hammers, pole-arms and some times swords from the very beginning! Never hiding behind other races. And what's this business of bows and arrows? Dwarves throw much heavier projectiles. When we need to fight from a distance, we throw axes! But otherwise, we prefer to fight up close.
Trumpkin: Narnian dwarfs are just as capable as your dwarfs! However, we found the penetration, accuracy, and distance of arrows to be superior to throwing axes, so we use them to the best of our ability. Now if we were in a better environment, I'd challenge you to a sword fight in order to prove that we are not lacking in any other of your skills.
Thomas: Wo! No need to get hostile towards each other there! Remember, you're both very honorable dwarves, and your authors happpened to be good friends with each other. Now, I think we've heard enough about warfare, so let me see what else we had on the agenda for today's show *looks through some papers on his desk* Ah yes! Gimli, would you describe the sort of home that most dwarves live in?
Gimli: Most of us including myself live in our mountain halls, built from the very stone of the mountain itself and in some cases our cities go as deep as the very heart of the mountains in which they're built! No work of men or elves can compare to the incredible stone-work of the dwarves. We've stone pillars greater than the tallest of trees supporting the ceilings of our enormous dwellings within the mountains, and great forges some times made from the fire that burns ever-lasting at the very heart of the mountain! And such treasures that even a dragon's greatest hoard pales in comparison. In fact, there is a very famous tale from when I was a young dwarf, one which my own father Gloin witnessed first hand! There was once a dragon called Smaug who grew jealous of our kingdom in the Lonely Mountain, and-
Thomas: Gimli, I hate to interupt, but many of our viewers already know this story, and we are running out of time. So viewers, for those of you who do not yet know the story of Smaug and the Lonely Mountain, you can read all about it in J.R.R. Tolkien's The Hobbit, available wherever books are sold. Also, there is a movie due to come out this december based on this classic work, "The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey" directed by Peter Jackson. Gimli, Trumpkin, carry on.
Gimli: I have finished. No words could propperly describe the glorious kingdoms of the dwarves. I just hope I have given some idea as to their majesty.
Trumpkin: Gimli, your dwarfs are certainly some good stout folk, if all you say is true! In Narnia, we dwarves have no kingdoms of our own, only cottages and houses in the forests and mountains. I do hope to some day visit your kingdoms.
Gimli: I hope you have that privelege some day as well! I would show you the famed hospitality of the dwarves of Durin, and we'd drink and eat, and hear the great ballads of the dwarves of old, and enjoy roaring fires!
Trumpkin: That sounds quite enjoyable. Can we go there after this show is over?
Gimli: Of course we can!
Thomas: Well, that's all the time we have for today! Thanks everyone for tuning in, and thank you Gimli and Trumpkin for coming on today!
Trumpkin: Can we go now?
Thomas: Yes, you can go.
Gimli: Thomas, you come too. To the Iron Hills! Food, drink, and entertainment await!