"The Story of Clove." A "Hunger Games"fan-fic written by me.

Narnia_bookworm

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Clove was standing in line with the other kids at school. She felt odd in her outfit of a plaid skirt, and green top to go over it. This is something that she wouldn't pick out for herself to wear. But mothers always do that type of thing. Clove didn't understand why she had to go to school here of all place. Why couldn't she go to school beyond the realms if this place called District 2? What kind of school was she going to anyways? She would walk pass some doors, and hear a lot of violent yells come from behind it.

It terrified her deeply that she tried to stay away from those doors completely. Clove was sitting down a table in the lunchroom, when a boy with dark hair sat down across from her. Did you hear all that yelling coming from beyond certain doors as we passed? Yes, replied the boy. I thought it was completely horrendous, said Clove. I didn't! I thought it was cool. Besides its something that they teach us here, so we can have a better chance of surviving The Hunger Games if were picked.

It's totally barbaric. I don't think I could ever kill another human being. You talk about it as if its fun. You say that now. But if you had to protect yourself, your family and all of your district, I am sure you would do whatever it took. I miss the old America, before the uprising. The government didn't help by dividing us into seperate Districts either. I mean I don't like that I can't become friends with someone that is just out there from another district. Well, I don't mind. I'm proud to be living in District 2. You will become used to it, too. And see what an honor it is to belong here.
 
It seems gruesomely funny for a mother to fuss about choosing the right outfit for her daughter to go get recruited as a gladiator.
 
I'm glad you think so. These are Cloves younger years, and she doesn't fully comprehend what is going on, and why they have to be killers. More is in store, and you will see a change in her.
 
A few years have passed. Clove was sitting at the same table with the same boy. Didn't I tell you it would be great? He asked. Yes! I enjoy it so much so Cato. I didn't fully understand it at first. It would be such a great honor to get chosen for "The Games" when I am old enough, and to honor our district. I'm proud to be from here. I have all I need here. So do I! I have my family, friends, and most importantly you.

It's great to have you around too, Cato. You showed me the truth of what I thought at first. I'm honored Clove. I just hope we don't have to go in battle together, because it wouldn't feel right to try and kill you. I know! I mean its different if you don't know the person well from your district and stuff. But since we've be friends for awhile, I just couldn't face doing that to you. Cato moved his hand over Clove's, and he smiled at her. The bell rang, and it was time for them to go back to their afternoon practice sessions. Clove went to the right. While Cato was heading to left, and a sadness was overcoming him about the thought of going into the arena, and Clove being chosen too. A thought hit him at that moment. He really loved Clove deep down inside.
 
We hear so often that "Less is more." But that is not nearly so often true as college English teachers may think. Your second installment would have more life to it if it provided MORE DETAIL -- of the characters' appearance, of gestures and expressions, or of how their surroundings look. Let yourself go, and give us more of a visual fill-in!

As for the mechanical dimension of the writing: I know that numerous European authors consider it great style to write dialogue without marking the beginnings and endings of speeches. But this American reader would like to see some quotation marks in the characters' conversation.
 
Is this one of your first stories? I really like where this is going, but I think it would be a lot more enjoyable if you typed it out kinda like a book. Like, when people talk you put their words in quotation marks. Like this:
"If I'm gonna die, I want to still be me", Peeta said quietly.
Katniss was silent for a moment. "I just can't afford to think like that."

It makes conversation easier to read! Just an idea! But I really like your story so far!
 
As a very old fashioned 'traditionalist' regarding grammar, I agree with Copperfox and Aslan's Child_1996 regarding quotation marks! I am very much enjoying the story, however, but would like to know more about the characters background and personalities.
 
Thanks for the feedback. It's not my first story. I was thinking of writing it that way. And I could do that once I write more of it. I'm getting to the backstories. I will revise it. Thanks for the helpful input.
 
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Thanks for the feedback. It's not my first story. I was thinking of writing it that way. And I could do that once I write more of it. I'm getting to the backstories. I will revise it. Thanks for the helpful input.

Your welcome. Happy to help! I think you ight have actually inspired me to write a hunger games fan fic of my own!
 
Your welcome. Happy to help! I think you ight have actually inspired me to write a hunger games fan fic of my own!

Awesome. I had a Fiction Writing course where we had to read our stories to classmates, and we would tell eachother what to improve on with helpful critcism. It's also good to have others do that, because sometimes when you write something you think its the best written thing in the world, but then you get feedback from your friends,family or anyone, and it helps. I would love to read some of your stuff too.
 
Clove put her hand out for the door handle. She was hesitant about touching it, as if it were charged with volts of electricity. As she was pondering opening the door, a girl that was taller than her by a couple of feet with long willowy blond hair, ocean blue eyes, and a pointed nose walked passed her, and opened the door like it was no problem at all. Clove stared in awe at what she glimpsed for those few seconds behind the door.

There were several girls of all shapes and sizes there. Against the far wall was a long dark board with outlines of the human body, and with the numbers of each of the other districts on them. A tall woman with a long neck almost like a giraffe's stepped out of the door, and greeted Clove. She had long flowing dark hair, pale sapphire eyes, and a sadistic look on her face.

“Are you here to become a career?” she said.
"Yes. Yes I am. I was just nervous about going in there. My mom made sign up for it. But I don't think that I can hurt or kill anyone?” replied Clove.

"Oh we'll change that. We just got to get you used to idea. Once we do, killing will be an everyday part of your life, and you can be tough out there in the arena", said the trainer.

Clove was terrified of this woman. She was talking about killing as if it were nothing at all.
 
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I've only had a chance to read the first couple of posts, and I honestly don't know if I'll be able to stay up with it, but I made this observation from the first post:

she "missed the old America, before the uprising." I never claim to know a lot about Panem or its history, but when they say "Welcome to the 74th ANNUAL Hunger Games", that means that at least 74 years have passed since the uprising. I seriously doubt Clove 1) remembers the 'old America', and 2) was even taught about it. Even Katniss regarded the 'old America' as some distant and some fantastical place that existed long ago. The way she referred to the location of not only the Capitol, but also District 12 indicates that Katniss and her peers weren't taught much about the United States. I would think that teaching the District's children about their past was very conducive to keeping the peace in the Districts.

If you're trying hard to stay in line with the history of THG the books, I would go back and change that as well as watch future mistakes with that. Not trying to be harsh, just pointing that out because it bothered me.
 
It's ok. I need to know what to do, and don't mind the criticism, because then I can change whats to be changed and improve it. Thanks for the tip. But to me I don't get that feeling from reading it at all. It's her world when she is younger, and that the people of District 2 train their kids to be lethal killers at a young age. I do know that Clove resents her mother for forcing her to become one.
 
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sorry, my post should've read, "Teaching the District's children about their past wouldn't be very conducive to keeping the peace."

And you may not have had that feeling when reading, but the implication from the text is, pure and simple: the United States of America was a hidden object of the past. The Capitol didn't mention it, Katniss only mentions it in passing, and that's probably because Collins wanted us to connect this world with our own country. I can pose this question to you: if you were in an oppressed society, and you knew oh-so-much about the past where people were free and allowed to make decisions regarding their leaders and they were much better off, wouldn't you be tempted to be rebellious? As President Snow said, "Hope is stronger than fear. A spark of hope is good; a lot of hope is not. Stamp it out" [paraphrased from the movie].
 
I see what your saying. I will read over my story how it was implied that way. It's ok. I was just saying the way I saw it. It doesn't mean that your opinion is wrong. Yes I would be tempted to rebel.
 
I actually see the story from both ways. How you have written it, and how the other person interpreted it. I think that either way it still makes perfect sense.
EAGERLY WAITING FOR MORE!!:D:D:D
 
Cool! I'm glad that your waiting for more. I will be writing some more soon. I'm just busy working on my final essay for my class. I will write here and there when I can.
 
The woman was reaching her long thin arms, and bony hands towards Clove. It was as if she were forcing her into practice. Just as the hands of the woman reached further towards Clove she ran, and ducked underneath them. Clove was on the other end of the practice room hiding behind a dummy when the instructor finally caught up to her out of breath.

"Come on dear. We don't have all day", replied the instructor.

"I'm not going with you. You're malicious and talk about killing as if its nothing at all. I'm afraid to kill and to be killed.", said Clove.

Clove fell to the ground and put her head in her hands and started to cry. The instructor didn't know what to do. This was the first girl she had seen cry in a long time. It made the instructor get a feeling of unease, because she didn't know how to handle such a situation. She also had all the feeling of loving emotions drawn out of her, by preparing for the games herself ever since she was a child.

The instructor blew a whistle, and at that moment two guys dressed in white shirts and pants came into the practice arena, walked toward the instructor as she told them about the little girl crying. They reached Clove and picked her up as she continued to wail, and this time kick, scream, punch and bite. Whatever efforts that Clove was making to get free, weren't working at all. They ended walking with her down the hallway and gave her a shot in her arm, which made her calm down. They plopped her down in a wheelchair just outside a bright red door, and wheeled her past it, and into the room a couple doors down from it.

As they were pushing Clove inside, she noticed that the door had a purple tinge to it. They laid her down on a cot, and gave her another shot which made her drift off. She woke up several hours later, and didn't know what time it was because this room was void of any windows. The lights were off in this room, and she could barely see anything at all. Clove turned to her right and saw a round face, a woman short in stature with curly black hair who was at the moment leaning back in a chair.

"Ugh", Clove groaned. Whatever drug they injected her with made her groggy. Just as Clove groaned the woman in the chair got up, and moved to her bedside.

"I'm here, dear. No need to worry. Your safe with me now., replied the woman.

Clove knew it was her mother, and at the moment she felt an emotion of relief, but hatred too, because she felt her mother had set her up for going here.
 
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