Ve Hunt! A Tale of Strange Things.

Okay, first off. I get distracted easily, so if I abandon this for more than two weeks, please PM me.

This is a weird crossover of Narnia and the 'Girl Genius' webcomic I've been reading. For Narnia, it takes place right after TLWW when the Pevensies are still putting down the remnants of the White Witch's army, and for 'Girl Genius' it takes place at an unspecified time presumably after the comic ends. Jaegermonstern will be explained as this story goes on.


Agatha Heterodyne slept in her bed in Castle Heterodyne, located in the heart of the City-State of Mechanicsburg. As she slept, she tossed and turned, dreaming of new inventions and creations.

Suddenly, she sat bolt upright, eyes wide. "I hAvE aN IdEa!" she exclaimed, already in the Madness Place that would grip her until her idea had been replicated in real life. She jumped from her bed and pulled a lab coat on over her nightgown.

"CasTlE," she ordered, "FinD Gil aNd Zeetha aS sOOn As poSSibLe! Send THem tO MY laB!" She swept out of her room, startling her Jaeger guards, Dimo and Maxim, who had been snoozing at their posts.

"Hoy!" Dimo exclaimed, watching Agatha race down the hall. "Looks like de Mistress gots some real beeg idea dis time, yah?"

"Yah!" Maxim agreed. "Vot hyu t'ink it is?"

"I dunno," Dimo shrugged. "Hyu finds Oggie an' Jenka. Hy'll follow her."

"Hokay," Maxim saluted and grinned, baring his short fangs. "Votever it is, it'll sure mek a beeg bang!"


Hooves thundered through the gardens of Cair Paravel as a centaur galloped for the gates. When he reached them, he reared up and pounded on the gates with a fist. After a moment, a postern opened and a young, sleepy-looking Dwarf poked his head out.

"Wot's'it?" he asked, covering his mouth as he yawned.

"I require an audience with the High King immediately," said the centaur, folding his powerful arms across his chest.

"Their Majesties are abed," the Dwarf replied. "Can it wait?"

"It is a matter of the utmost importance," the centaur insisted. "I must speak with the High King."

"All right," the Dwarf said, unlatching the castle gate and allowing the centaur entrance. "I'll go and see if'n I can find someone who's allowed to wake them..."

Five minutes later, the centaur stood before four rather tired young monarchs in their nightclothes. "What is it, Oreius?" asked High King Peter the Magnificent.

"Your Majesties," the centaur, Oreius, elaborately knelt before the kings and queens. "I was watching the stars when I saw several of them stray from their paths." He looked up. "Narnia will soon have visitors, and I fear that they will not be as good for the realm as you have proven to be."

When I have time to write the next installment, it will be explained that randomly placed capitals show a Mad Scientist (or "Spark") being in the Madness Place. In the comic, they use irregular word balloons, which I obviously can't duplicate in this format.

I have time. Editing to add:


The four Jaegermonstern collectively known around Mechanicsburg as 'De Boyz' watched their Mistress at work in her laboratory. The blonde-haired Spark girl whirled around in a frenzy as her chief minion, Von Zinzer, passed her tools and parts.

The leader and eldest member of De Boyz, Dimo, was a green-skinned Jaeger with yellow eyes and a perpetual five o'clock shadow, which he scratched as he observed, straightening his aviator's cap (adorned with a yellow plume) with his other hand, which was made of metal since an accident had cost him his left arm.

The second oldest was Ognian, or 'Oggie' as he was known to his friends. He had beige skin and snow-white hair, as well as a single horn on the top of his head, which he masterfully covered with his fez. Leaning on his battle-ax, he picked his protruding fangs with a knife.

Youngest, and the 'pretty boy' of the group was Maxim, with his lavender skin, violet hair and short fangs. He had been a cavalry officer two-hundred years ago, before drinking the Jaegerbrau that transformed him, and still retained the dress-sense; he wore a long, purple and red coat with a cavalry sabre hanging by his side. One hand was covered with a metal gauntlet, and he wore a purple ten-gallon hat with red piping that he had won in a duel with a warrior that the Jaegers called 'Old Man Death'.

Jenka was actually a girl, or Jaegerfrau, despite being part of De Boyz. She wore a tall, pointed hat with a wide brim over her long, wild, white hair. Gray eyes that matched her skin glittered above the purple scarf that concealed her mouth and nose, and she wore a set of stolen Geisterdamen armor that had spaces to hide an astonishing number of knives. She also had a pet bear named Fust, who wasn't in the lab for obvious reasons.

These four were Agatha Heterodyne's most loyal servants.

"-Mistress, your guests have arrived,-" the Castle said, just before a hole opened in the ceiling and two people in their early twenties were unceremoniously dumped onto the lab floor. "-Oops. I appear to have dropped them.-"

"Hey!" yelled Zeetha, Lost Princess of the Lost City of Skifander, shaking her fist at the ceiling. She had pulled on her Skifandrian warrior's harness, but otherwise was still in her nightclothes. "You stupid pile of--"

She was cut off by a hand being placed over her mouth. "Do you really want to tick off the Castle?" Asked young Baron Gilgamesh Wulfenbach, Ruler of Europa and Agatha's on-and-off boyfriend as well as Zeetha's estranged twin brother. He had either been up all night, or had had time to pull on his Geistermann armor before the Castle had grabbed him. "You know as well as I what this thing can..."

His eyes widened as he caught sight of what Agatha was doing on the other end of the room. "Is that- Is that a tEmPOraL WaVEforM amPliFier?" he asked, his eyes glazing over as he slipped into the same Madness Place as the Heterodyne girl.

"It sURe iS!" Agatha confirmed, glancing over at him. "I haD to tAKe Our tIme winDOw apaRT, bUt I thINK it'LL bE woRTh It iN THe lOng ruN, don'T yOu?"

"Of cOUrse!" Gil agreed, nodding his head and grabbing a spanner. "FoR ScIEncE!"

The two Sparks quickly got to work, and Zeetha made her way over to De Boyz. "Hey!" she grinned at them, showing off her filed-sharp teeth. Sweeping green hair out of her eyes, she revealed that amulet on her circlet was also grinning. As always, it showed the same expressions as her. "So, any idea what my Zumil is building this time?" Zeetha was training Agatha in hand-to-hand combat, and 'zumil' was the Skiff word for 'student'.

Dimo shook his head. "Nope," he said. "Is Sparky schtuff. Ve Jaegers en't schmott enough to figure schtuff like dat."

"Hoy!" Oggie interrupted. "Speak for hyuself! Hy is plenty schmott!"

"Not Spark schmott, though," Jenka muttered. "Jaegers en't Sparks. Is dat simple."

The group stood in silence for a while, watching Agatha and Gil dart back and forth, building something that began to look unnervingly like a doorway. After a while, it looked almost finished, and the two Sparks had a quiet argument, after which Agatha stepped over to a trip switch in the wall.

"BeHOld!" she cried, throwing the switch, "tHE fiRsT eVer PORTAL TO OTHER WORLDS! MUAHAHAHAHA!" The doorway filled with a poisonous, swirling green light as the Jaegers tried their hardest not to look like guinea pigs.

Am I allowed to double-post if it's my story? I dunno. It's just the once. Tell me if I did a bad thing.

...

As soon as Agatha revealed that the invention in question was a portal, Zeetha struck a fighting stance, pulling out her twin Skifandrian swords. All of her experience with Sparks and portals (though the portals didn't usually go to other worlds) told her that a nasty, tentacled monster was probably about to burst out and attempt to devour them all.

She stood like that for two minutes with the Jaegers ready to back her up. When nothing appeared, she lowered her weapons and looked at Agatha quizzically.

"Why are there no monsters?" she asked.

Agatha pushed her thick, horn-rimmed glasses up on her nose and shrugged. "By aLL oDdS, It dOEsn'T mAke SenSe," she admitted. "AnyWAY, let'S gEt sOmE suPPlies And gO on an AdvEntUrE!"

"No!" All of the Jaegermonstern jumped on her at once, babbling reasons that she couldn't go.

"Hyu has to tell de Seneschal before goink anyvere!"

"De Kestle von't vant hyu to leef!"

"It's not safe!"

All the other Jaegers looked at Dimo in confusion. "Vot?" he asked, shrugging. "De Mistress hes a habit of gettink hurt."

"I--" Agatha seemed to struggle with herself for a moment. Finally, she blinked and shook her head. "All right," she said in a dejected tone. "I won't go." She picked up a spanner and walked towards the control panel. "Guess I'll just...take this thing apart."

The Jaegers all glanced at each other and sighed. There was only one thing that they liked more than seeing their Mistress safe, and that was seeing her happy. Now they had to cheer her up.

"Ve'll go first, an' tell hyu if it's safe ven ve get back," Jenka volunteered.

Agatha turned and smiled at them. "You guys would do that?"

Dimo, Oggie, and Maxim exchanged looks. "Ho, sure!" they said. "No problem!"

"Ve'll take care of it!" Maxim said. "Hyu dun't gotta vorry 'bout a t'ing!"

"Thank you!" Agatha jumped on Dimo, hugging him. "Thank you so much!"

"Don't I get a hug?" Gil complained, also coming down from the Madness Place. "I helped build this thing."

"Hy'll hug hyu," Jenka said, grinning at him from behind her scarf.

"Ah, no thanks," he said, holding his hands up. Turning back to check the machine, he stiffened as someone grabbed him from behind.

"Aw, can't I even hug my little bro?" asked Zeetha.

"We're twins, Z," Gil corrected her, pulling some levers.

"Nuance," she said.

"Right," Agatha decided, "the Jaegers will go and get whatever equipment they need, and meet us back here in an hour. Can you guys do that?"

"How long is an hour?" Oggie stage-whispered to Dimo, who slapped a hand against his forehead.

"Just be back afore midnight, schmott guy!" he said, storming off.


One hour later, the Jaegers once again stood before the portal, all geared up and ready for war. Jenka adjusted the straps on her bear, Fust's saddle and gave Agatha a thumbs-up. "Ve is ready, Mistress Heterodyne," she said.

"Good," said Agatha. "Be careful, guys. I don't want you getting hurt."

"Hoy!" Maxim barked a laugh. "Ve get hurt? Hy'd like to see de monster vot could do dot!" The others joined him in laughter at the very thought.

"Ve hunt!" they all cheered in unison before charging through the portal.


It was the oddest sensation that Maxim had ever felt. Even odder than when he had drunk the Jaegerbrau, though it certainly didn't hurt nearly as much. First he was rushing, and then he was floating, and then (without exactly noticing how it happened) he was pulling himself out of a pool of water in the middle of a forest.

"Vot der dumboozle?" he muttered, tapping one of his protruding eyeteeth. "Vere de heck am Hy?"

'm very much looking forward to the next installment! I must confess that I know absolutely NOTHING about the "Girl Genius" series so, for the benefit of us ignoramuses (ignorami!) could someone give some info on this? A few lines is sufficient, I'm not asking for a 20 page university thesis!

Certainly! Girl Genius is a "Gaslamp Fantasy" comic set in a neo-Victorian Eastern Europe (Europa), especially Transylvania, although right now the characters are in Paris. But I digress.

It's a world ruled by Mad Science. Poorly. Europe is split up into city-states ruled by Mad Scientists called "Sparks" who are constantly at war with each other. In all of this chaos, there are three ruling houses that have a chance to hold things together: The House of Heterodyne, which used to be evil, but started becoming good guys (though still insane) with Agatha's father, Billy, and his brother, Barry; the House of Wulfenbach, who are actually the rulers of Europa, enforcing the Pax Transylvania, and who probably count as evil to neutral; then there's the House of Stormvoraus, or the Storm King and his Smoke Knights (German Ninjas), who are just evil.

The most important, however, are the Heterodynes, whose city-state is called Mechanicsburg, and is basically populated with minions. Almost a thousand years ago, one of the family created something called "Jagerbrau" from the waters of the River Dyne. When drunk, if the drinker was strong enough, it would turn them into a creature called a Jaegermonster. The Jaegerkin are pretty ugly, and completely loyal to the Heterodynes.

There's also a bad person called the Other, who uses creatures called Slaver Wasps to turn people into shambling zombies called Revenants. But the Jaegers are the most important to the story.

If any more questions arise, feel free to ask. the comic has been posted three times a week for the past thirteen years, so I won't ask anyone to go read it when I can explain something.

Here goes.

...

Maxim looked around as the other Jaegerkin (and the bear) crawled out of the pool, marveling that they were not wet at all. They seemed to be in a forest, or a wood, really, since the trees did not grow close enough together for it to be a true forest. The nuance was lost on Maxim, however, who was just eagerly examining his surroundings for signs of danger. However, besides the danger of drowning due to the large number of pools of water clustered under the trees, the only danger seemed to be that of falling asleep.

In fact, Oggie, seemed bent on demonstrating this, as he flopped down at the base of a tree and rested his head on his hands. "Hoy, Hy could stay here foreffer," he declared sleepily.

Dimo, who had been in more wars than the rest, kept himself on sharp alert. Reaching down, he hauled Oggie to his feet. "Dun' go to schleep, schtupitt!" he barked, slapping the other Jaeger across the face. "Ve dun' know if ve is in danger or not! Dere could be anyt'ink in dese voods!"

"Like a cutie leetle hamster!" Jenka declared, getting down on her hands and knees. There was the sound on metal ringing on metal as De Boyz drew their blades and aimed them at the small creature snuffling around in the grass. "Hyu guys better be puttin' dose avay!" Jenka scowled at them through her scarf. "Hamsters is nice leetle beasties, like Fust!"

Glancing over at Fust, the grizzly bear, Dimo decided not to risk it. Besides, in his time serving the Heterodynes, he had seen plenty of cute-looking things suddenly turn deadly.

"Hey, looka dis," said Jenka, picking up the little animal, which was, in fact, a guinea pig, not a hamster. "He gots a ring tied to his back."

"Hoy, so he does!" Maxim said, sheathing his sabre and coming in for a closer look. "Hy vonders how dat got dere."

"Does eet matter?" Dimo asked. "Dis place en't dangerous, yah? So, now ve goes back to der Mistress and tells her dat eet's hokay to be coming here."

"Dat's goot," Oggie agreed, "but, how is ve gonna gets home? Does hyu remember vot puddle ve came through?"

The four Jaegermonstern whirled around back-to-back, suddenly realizing that no, they had no idea which pool they had come through.

"Smagga du bokk," Dimo cursed in Geister. "Now ve is in der deep, smelly, brown schtuff."

WarriorSatyr said:

Am I allowed to double-post if it's my story? I dunno. It's just the once. Tell me if I did a bad thing.

Click to expand...

No, the writing forum is one of the few places where double-posting doesn't matter. The main reason for the double-posting rule is to prevent people from posting multiple times when they only have enough content to fill a single post. Since writing threads belong to their authors in a way that most threads don't, and since fitting story sections into one post isn't always possible, double posting while writing a story isn't a problem.

Neo-Victorianism does fit in with Magician's Nephew rather well; I guess this is set in the time shortly afterward, when Frank and Helen's descendants were still ruling Narnia?

Glenburne said:

Neo-Victorianism does fit in with Magician's Nephew rather well; I guess this is set in the time shortly afterward, when Frank and Helen's descendants were still ruling Narnia?

Click to expand...

Guinea pigs usually live 3-5 years which suggests this story is set very early in the reign of King Frank and Queen Helen. However, Narnian time differs considerably from our time and almost certainly does so from time in the Wood Between the Worlds too. It is also possible that in this place the normal life span of mortal creatures may be different. However, the guinea pig is clearly the one (unknowingly) sent there by Andrew Kettersley during his experimentation with the magic rings.

It's actually set after The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. I just couldn't imagine that anything died in the Wood Between the Worlds. Sorry for the confusion. I am also sorry for so much Jaegerspeak. They'll probably get to Narnia this installment, and then there will be speakers without accents.
...

"Zo," Jenka asked, "vich of hyu schmott guys knows de vay home?"

"Hy dun't!" Oggie and Maxim chorused. Dimo slapped a clawed hand to his face and grimaced.

"Vell, ve can't chust choose a puddle an' hope dat ve makes it home," he pointed out. "Dere is hundreds uff puddles here, an' it vould tek forever to try dem all."

"Let's try dot vun," Maxim suggested, pointing at a pool with a strip of grass cut away from the edge, revealing a streak of reddish earth. "Hy likes der look uff dat vun."

"Hy is preety sure dat de puddle ve came through didn't have a cut on eet," Jenka mused. "Mebbe der vun next to eet?"

Dimo couldn't think of anything better to try, so he agreed. "Hokay, ve tries dot vun," he said. "Jenka, hyu gets Fust, an' leaves de hamster here, yah?"

"Hokay," she agreed, putting the hamster down on the ground and retrieving her bear, who was busy trying to climb a tree. The four Jaegers gathered at the chosen pool. Each took a deep breath.

"See hyu on der odder side, brudders," Oggie said, grinning. He tipped his fez at them and jumped in, feet-first. As soon as he vanished, Dimo went; then Maxim, and last went Jenka with Fust.

...

Whatever Maxim was expecting when he came out of the end of the pool, it was not another forest. So, he did what any self-respecting, mature Jaegermonster would have done in his situation. He threw himself down on the ground to throw a tantrum. Fortunately for the eardrums of everything within two-hundred miles, it only lasted about five seconds, because that was when his hat fell off, and he had to retrieve it.

"Careful dere, Maxim," Oggie admonished, as Dimo, Jenka, and Fust appeared. "Hyu don't vanna lose hyu hat here. Dere might not be no place to get anudder vun."

"Yah!" Maxim agreed. "For all ve know, dere might be no grett varriors who like vearing hats!"

"Ho! Den ve be in trouble!" Oggie said. "A hat has to be von in battle vith a grett enemy!"

"Vun who has der same head size as hyu!" Maxim agreed.

Meanwhile, Dimo and Jenka were taking stock of there surroundings. It was your basic forest, with a high amount of oak trees. The four Jaegers seemed to have materialized right on top of a road, which forked directly in front of them. Dimo scratched his stubble, wondering what to do. They could all stay together and explore one path, or they could split up. Glancing at Oggie and Maxim jabbering on about hats, he knew what he had to do. For his sanity, that is.

"Lissen up, hyu guys," he commanded, "and Jenka. Ve are goink to split op! Oggie and Hy vill tek de left path, an' Jenka an' Maxim vill tek der right. Any qvestions?"

"No, zir, General Dimo, zir!" Maxim, Oggie, and Jenka barked, saluting.

Maxim climbed on Fust behind Jenka, and the two Jaegerkin set off down the right-hand path. After a while of forest, and not seeing anything familiar, Maxim began to get bored.

"Is ve dere yet?" he asked.

"Hy dunno," Jenka answered.

Maxim sighed. "Is ve dere yet?" he asked again.

"Hy dunno if ve is dere yet," Jenka snarled.

"Is ve dere yet?" he asked again.

"Maxim!" Jenka growled. "Ven ve is dere, Hy vill tell hyu! Now shoddop!"

Maxim was about to retort, when something hard hit him in the side of the head. He fell backwards off of Fust and looked up to see a magnificent (but frightening) creature with the body of both a horse and a man.

"Jenka," Maxim said, "Hy dun't t'ink dat ve is in Eauropa anymore."

Oops. I forgot about this.

...

The Centaur pointed his claymore at Maxim threateningly. "What do you here in the Kings' woods?" he asked. "And what art thou? some form of Goblin or Troll?"

"Ve iz not Trolls!" Jenka defended from Fust's back. "Ve is proud Jaegermonstern, und ve demands to know vere dis iz!" She tossed her head disdainfully, flipping her hair out of her face. "Fightink vould be pointless. Ve could easily defeet hyu."

Smiling, the Centaur raised his sword to point at the Jaegerfrau. "Be that so?" he asked. "There are but three of you, counting the dumb bear--"

"Und only vun ov hyu!" said Maxim. There was a shiver in the fabric of the world, and suddenly the purple Jaeger was leaning against Fust's broad flank, picking his sharp teeth with a long knife. "Hy likes dose odds."

"Indeed?" the Centaur asked. "Then what think you of six to three?" He raised a gauntleted hand, and a Minotaur, two Satyrs, a Hamadryad, and a couple of Dwarfs appeared from the surrounding foliage.

"Bad bear!" Jenka scolded Fust. "Hyu should hev schmelt dem!"

"Six to three?" Maxim asked, dropping one hand down to his sabre hilt and switching his knife to a reverse grip. "Schtill sound like preety goot odds to me."

"Maxim!" said Jenka, her head whipping around to glare at Maxim angrily from beneath the brim of her hat. "Dun't chust fight mit der locals! Ve schtill haz to find out vere ve is!"

"You-- How could you not know?" one of the Dwarfs asked incredulously. "You're in Narnia. Right smack in the middle, too."

"Hy've neffer heard ov a 'Narnia'," Maxim said.

"Portal to odder vorlds, dumkopf," Jenka shot back. She turned back to the Centaur. "Iz hyu de leader?" she asked.

"Nay," the Centaur said. "I am Swifthoof. A mere officer in the Cair Paravel Guard."

"Den de leader is at Pair Caravel?" Jenka asked.

"Cair Paravel," Swifthoof corrected. "And indeed the Kings and Queens do dwell there."

"Vell, den," Jenka drew herself up. "Hy am der Head of De Mechanicsburg Diplomatic Corps. Tek me to hyu leader!"