Corrupt a Wish Game, Ressurected

holyboy

holyboy

Retired Purplemite
Royal Guard
Emeritus
Welcome to the Corrupt a Wish game (resurrected)

In this thread you may wish for anything you want (as long as it's appropriate.) The user who replies to the post will grant your wish, but must corrupt or ruin it. Then, that user will post their own wish. A third user will then corrupt that wish, and so on and so on.

For example, if I say, "I wish for a pony," the person who replies can say "Granted, but your pony is nearsighted and keeps walking into walls. I wish for diamond earrings"

The first wish to corrupt is:

I wish for a new hat.
 
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Granted! You have a lovely hat that looks just like how you imagined your favourite hat would look. This is because your hat is imaginary. You don't know this, of course, and so you mention your hat to your many friends. When they are confused, you attempt to explain, but eventually someone calls the nearest loony bin and you're thrown in an asylum. You are considered insane. But at least you've got a nice hat!

I wish that you could adopt children in Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim without needing mods or DLC.
 
Granted. Said koalas are obsessed with the chemical properties of oranges. They take all your oranges while demanding that you direct them to a university where they can undertake a scholarly study of the fruit. They want to major in orange biology, and they won't take no for an answer. When you can't provide them with an answer, they grab your raygun and shoot you. Then you are also a koala, but you are obsessed with the chemical properties of bananas instead. The other koalas are furious. They throw you off Cliff (who dislikes bananas, and does not mind). You die. Fortunately, death in Dufferland is generally impermanent.

I wish that chocolate-covered espresso beans grew on trees. Literally.
 
Granted. However, the chocolate on the espresso beans is the cheap, nasty sort found in the foil wrappers at the bottom of your Hallowe'en stash. Nobody wants to eat them.

I wish I was a superhero.
 
But your only superpower is that you can dig boogers two feet long out of your nostrils.


I wish for a million dollars.
 
Granted! You get a million dollars, but wait! That's not all! You also get a free trip to prison for stealing that million dollars from the bank! Congratulations! :D

I wish that I could stay up till midnight or later and still feel refreshed and alert when I wake up the next morning.
 
Granted. You are able to stay up late with a special potion, and you use your nighttime hours training to become a cat burglar. (Your reason: "Well, I always thought I looked good in black.") Sadly, you make the mistake of robbing the house of the Minister of Magic, who is so irritated that he sends you to Azkaban, where you are depressed because you can't see the dementors.

I wish I had a phoenix.
 
Whoever is managing these wishes misses the "a" in your wish, and places you in charge of Phoenix, Arizona, complete with all its crime problems.



I wish (really!) that we had as much active participation in TDL now as we did five years ago.
 
Granted. Regrettably, TDL has not been that active for a very, very long time and the server keeps crashing due to too much activity. You can't get on to see any of the new members or returned members, and thus cannot reap the benefits from an active TDL.


I wish that my science lab didn't have math equations in it.
 
Granted. Unfortunately, without these equations, your teachers plus you and your classmates cannot make any sense whatever about science so you all fail your science exams with the worst results in the history of the country. Your classmates blame you personally for this and as punishment attempt to carry out an autopsy on you, whilst you are fully conscious.

I wish I found (and was able to use) the One Ring.
 
Granted. However, you become so evil through extended use of the Ring that the Free Peoples of Middle-Earth unite against you and cast you into a fiery abyss.

I wish for world peace.
 
Granted. Peace exists because a dictionary-writing committee redefined the word to mean "Inclusive of regularly regurgitating Cornish pixies." Initially the problem with creating world peace under this definition is that nearly everyone believes Cornish pixies do not exist. Fortunately, once the dictionary is revised, the Cornish pixies feel loved and begin to come out of hiding. Unfortunately, inducing Cornish pixies to regurgitate without also making them feel discriminated against is more difficult. This problem is solved by requiring Cornish pixies to attend mandatory classes. Since regurgitating will, naturally, get one out of class, the pixies adopt it with a fervor only seen in mermaids with fin problems.

I wish snowmen were purple.
 
I'm baaaaack (please try not to read that in a sheep voice)!

Glenburne said:
I wish snowmen were purple.
Click to expand...

Granted. In fact, all snow everywhere is purple. It also tastes like plums, for which taste you discover you have a sudden fondness. You begin to devour all the snow in sight. Unfortunately, instead of holding only so much snow inside, your body begins to expand to accommodate (wait, accommodate has two m's? When did that happen? I must not spell this word often.... Anyway...) the expanse of snow growing inside your stomach. Eventually, you have consumed all of the snow on the planet. You are also as big as a planet (actually, you're as big as Pluto, which technically isn't a planet, but was for a while and I and the rest of the Internet maintain still should be). You start going into orbit until one day you accidentally collide with the moon. Don't worry, you don't die, but somehow you shrink until you are normal size (I'm not completely sure on the details here) and also you can't breathe (because, y'know, it's the moon). Fortunately, the man in the moon saves your life and enables you to breathe and survive. You begin to wonder how you survived as a dwarf planet-sized creature all alone in space (although, to hear you tell it, there was nothing dwarfish about it). You also begin to wonder what you will eat. The man in the moon says that he live off of green cheese, which, unlike plums, is completely repulsive to you. Unable to get back home, you resolve to eat green cheese the rest of your days, but, sadly, you never learn to like it.

I wish I had a girlfriend. No, I don't. I did and it worked out badly... I wish I had two girlfriends! Surely that would go better! :D Right? Right!
 
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You now have two girlfriends. But they immediately decide that they want FOUR boyfriends; and they want the boyfriends to be men who want EIGHT girlfriends.


Meanwhile, I wish I were cast as the star in a movie.
 
Granted. You're cast in a small role with only one line, and your dressing room is an unused b tiny broom closet.

I wish to go to and live in Prince Edward O I s. Island.
 
You get to live there; but you find that the homes nearest to your home have been taken by sour-faced grumps who HATE "Anne of Green Gables."



I wish that I could lose another ten pounds of weight.
 
Granted. You are walking down the street, when you spot the DLF on the curb, holding a sign that seems to be advertising something. You look closer. It reads:

Feel-Lighter Fluid
Lose All Your Weight

You immediately purchase some of the Feel-Lighter Fluid and commence trying to lose all of your weight. Fortunately, someone informs you of two things: one, you should not make purchases from the DLF, and two, losing all your weight is essentially slow evaporation. You quickly stop taking Feel-Lighter Fluid, but your appendix is already gone. Fortunately, nothing takes its place, so you did achieve your goal--sort of.

You complain about Feel-Lighter Fluid to the FDA. It ignores you.


I wish that I never had to fill out paperwork again.
 
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Glenburne said:
I wish that I never had to fill out paperwork again.
Click to expand...

Granted. This is because now, instead of your filling paperwork out, it now fills itself out automatically. This quickly becomes a problem for you, as it keeps making mistakes. For instance, you are filling out a job application, and at the part where it asks if you've ever committed a felony, it fills it out with 'yes', and where it describes the crime it says that you are a dangerous criminal who has killed seven people. You attempt to dispose of the application, but a police officer near you finds it in the trash and comes over and arrests you. Unfortunately for you, the judge at your hearing is Sushi, and he decides that you've had a history of mistreating him, which makes it likely that you have committed the crime, despite a total lack of evidence. He sentences you to an endless existence of watching Nicholas Cage movies 24/7. Mercifully, he had no way of actually making the existence endless, so you die somewhere around the twenty-fourth time you see National Treasure 2.

I wish I had more time to revise my novel.
 
Everytime yoy go to revise your novel all the good parts mysteriously disappear

I wish I could get the new annotated Laura Ingalls Wilder book "Pioneer Girl".
 
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