How to Steal in an Interesting Fashion
Dedicated to Ned Kelly, whose suit of armor remains unequalled
1. Steal from someone's house while they are gone. Sell the items and then take up residence inside the house. This is an actual technique patented by two thieves in America.
2. Dress up as a supervillain and steal things in an extremely obvious fashion. This will enable staff and customers in any stores you select as targets to fully enjoy your costome.
3. Steal while setting interesting goals for yourself, such as hopping on one foot. How many people hop while robbing a bank? The clerks will never forget you.
4. Steal library books. Pile them in front of the library and set them on fire. Explain to passersby that you are staging a book burning because American librarians are confused about the definition of a banned book. If the passersby also look confused, just hand them a book and a lighter. They'll catch on.
5. Start a website dedicated to your life as an art thief. Record how you go into a local museum and take all the paintings by Leonardo da Vinci that somehow keep showing up in the gift shop. Explain that you know the reports of The Last Supper being painted on a wall were wrong, because you have stolen that particular painting fifty-seven times.
6. Steal cars, but before you steal them, paint them in with bright splotches of color. If the owners show up and complain, paint them, too.
7. Steal children and feed them candy and caffeinated drinks. When the police show up, the children will be thoroughly sugar-filled and caffeinated, but otherwise unharmed. You may go to jail, but the children will go home to their parents. And their parents will get no sleep for three days.
8. Refrain from stealing anything, but post repeatedly on Facebook about everything you have stolen. When the police show up to arrest you, pretend to faint. Then grab their handcuffs and run away.
9. Steal things from a nearby store gradually and put them all in your church's lost and found box. Smirk as the box overflows, and do your best to encourage people to trip over it.
10. Steal political offices--for instance, declare yourself the Chancellor of Germany. Buy things you can't afford and charge them to the government. Sign autographs for people and explain to confused schoolchildren that their teachers are lying to them and that Angela Merkel is not, in fact, the chancellor--you are. Continue until the country is in chaos.
11. Steal a coffin and live inside it. When the police come after you, make bad puns. If they speak English, you could emphasize that you have a cold and need to stay in a place where coughing was acceptable. Continue the puns until the policemen all have headaches.
12. Steal from yourself. Then file police reports on yourself. If the police throw you in jail for wasting their time, you should feel even more content: you are now wasting their money. Free meals! Bet they never thought of that.
These are all wonderful ways to steal in an interesting fashion. If you need more, just remember--nothing is impossible if you are sufficiently motivated by a desire to annoy other people.
A truly great list! I think I shall publish it under my own name.