Corrupt a Wish Game II

Granted. You place the people in the box, but you have to shrink them first. The shrinking process is very prolonged and requires you to buy expensive shrinking equipment that completely bankrupts you. You are forced to move back in with your parents, who are extremely annoyed by the intrusion, and don't want to put your box on their shelves. They stick the box in the back garden, where it is rained on until the cardboard comes apart, and all the annoying people get out. But now they are only a few inches tall, which makes them entirely dependent on you, and therefore even more annoying. Eventually you try to make money by putting all the people in a sort of zoo, where zoogoers can stare at them living their daily lives. This plan fails, because the government expects to approve any functioning zoos, and they think yours is unethical for some reason. You spend the rest of your life babysitting tiny humans in your parents' back bedroom.

I wish none of my siblings made stupid decisions.
 
Granted. Now you're the only to make stupid decisions. Your siblings decide to be understanding, which is worse than the worst consequences of your worst decisions.

I wish someone secretly fixed my bike at night.
 
Granted. He is French, his name is Pierre, and he sings "Frere Jacques" to himself over and over again just outside your bedroom window. You don't get any sleep because he's very slow about fixing your bike and spends all night singing "Frere Jacques" on repeat. The next day you are very tired when you go into work. You suffer a breakdown and yell at your coworkers. You are fired. You want revenge, so you try to burn your workplace to the ground. You are arrested and are put into a police car headed toward the local prison. You turn into a red panda for no particular reason. The police take you to the zoo instead. Congratulations.

I wish I never struggled to make decisions.
 
Granted.
You no longer struggle to make decisions. In fact you love to make choices now, so much so that you start "helping" others around you make decisions, freely inundating them with unsolicited (and somewhat unwelcome) advice.

They decide to intervene, but since you are still a red panda living at the zoo they cannot get close enough to rebuke you; so they picket your enclosure until teatime. Alas, you are not invited because you no longer have opposable thumbs so you would be dropping and breaking the tea cups --which would create such a mess that teatime would be totally spoiled. So you sulk in your cage while your guitar gently weeps.
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I wish I could have the superpower to understand, read, speak and write all languages effortlessly.
 
Granted. You are the Doctor, traveling in your TARDIS through time and space. You can't even take a vacation without being interrupted by someone trying to kill someone else nearby. You get emotionally overwhelmed by this, but the universe doesn't pay attention, and you have to continue saving people without a day off until the end of time.

I wish that adult life wasn't so complicated.
 
Granted. You now have to look where you are walking. You find this stressful and have a nervous breakdown. You see a flying polar bear. You develop a friendship. One day, the bear gets hungry and eats you. The psychiatric nurse who brings you your meals causes you severe emotional trauma because she refuses to believe that a person who has been eaten is incapable of consuming food.

I wish cats would stay off the furniture.
 
Granted, but they can plot your downfall in all the other places as well - perhaps even better because they don't fall asleep quite as often.

I wish sugar was good for you.
 
Granted. It now tastes horrible. Also you stuck a knife through the sugar for no reason and stabbed Polonius, what's up with that?

I wish Polonius would stop hiding in the sugar bowl.
 
Granted. Now he's clogging up the salt shaker, while his ghost still keeps haunting the sugar bowl.

I wish J. K. Rowling would invite me to Scotland to celebrate the start of the unicorn hunting season.
 
Granted. Now he's clogging up the salt shaker, while his ghost still keeps haunting the sugar bowl.

I wish J. K. Rowling would invite me to Scotland to celebrate the start of the unicorn hunting season.

Granted. Unfortunately, on the flight to Scotland, you accidentally pass through a transmogrifying machine that turns you into a unicorn. So when you get to Scotland, you are immediately the object of the hunt. And you're the only unicorn to hunt, because, I don't know whether you knew this or not, but besides rhinoceroses, unicorns aren't real. And Scotland has no rhinoceroses. So you are immediately captured and live the rest of your life in relative comfort in a Scottish National Wildlife Refuge, if they have those. You get a lot of curious visitors, as the only one of your kind, but you never get to be a human again.

I wish there had been a new NCIS last night.
 
Granted. There was. You didn't watch it, because you were clinging by one hand to the top of the Eiffel Tower. Why were you doing this? No one really knows, because you plunged to your death seconds afterward, but there was something about Nazis and some Latin American artifact or other. And there definitely was some sort of old-looking pottery was pulverized to dust on the pavement next to you.

I wish mosquitoes didn't bite humans.
 
Granted. They can't bite humans, but they still puncture them and suck blood. Too bad you weren't more specific. But that doesn't matter since the mosquito that bit you had a blood borne disease that turned you into a zombie, and you started doing impolite things like eating brains and jaywalking in traffic.
 
They don't fall out, they get out from under the covers.

I wish I had a million dollars, tax free.
 
Granted. You earned this because you are a superior assassin and received a large amount for killing no less than 80 world leaders. Unfortunately you did this in a period of 2 years and actually killed the Canadian prime minister 3 times. Although the Canadians apologized, you have nevertheless destabilized the entire world. When the people where you are trying to lay low figure out that you are responsible for the disintegration of every world system imaginable, they form an angry mob and chase you out of...well, basically everything.

I wish Americans were more polite.
 
Your wish is granted. [Turns on television; reporter begins to speak] "Breaking news, the U.S. Congress has voted in a bill that would make every U.S. Citizen be required to attend courses that focus on enriching human interactivity. Courses include; Introduction to Hospitality, Calm Interactions and Reactions 101, Attentive Listening Skills among a myriad of virtual lecture series such as; When to Honk, the Art of the Dealings with Issues, and, my personal favorite, Chewing Food that Produces Little Sound or Waste."

I wish to have a small glass of eggnog. ;)
 
Granted. Drinking yourself creates a paradox, because you knew it would, and you didn't care, and now the entire space-time continuum is slipping, and it's ALL YOUR FAULT.

Also all my crochet hooks fell in the black hole created by your stupidity, and I'm MAD. :mad:

I wish I had my crochet hooks back and that they don't stab me or anyone else while coming back or at any point afterward.
 
Granted. Drinking yourself creates a paradox, because you knew it would, and you didn't care, and now the entire space-time continuum is slipping, and it's ALL YOUR FAULT.

Also all my crochet hooks fell in the black hole created by your stupidity, and I'm MAD. :mad:

I wish I had my crochet hooks back and that they don't stab me or anyone else while coming back or at any point afterward.

Granted. They come back to you, without stabbing anyone. But unfortunately, they've learned how to strangle people. Whom do they end up strangling? 3 Heads of State, 2 Russian oligarchs, 17 flight attendants, and a butcher from Arkansas. They would keep strangling, but the FBI catches them and traces them back to their owner: you. You plead innocence, claiming that you were not in possession of the crochet hooks and that they've somehow become sentient -- and sapient -- without your knowledge, but it's no use. You're locked up for a long time. In prison for many years, you become rather crotchety. Get it? Crotchety? Crochet? *sigh* Nevermind.

I wish I didn't have to go back to work tomorrow.
 
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