Brotherhood of the Sacred Peanut-Butter

TheWarriorSatyr

New member
Hail ye Duffers! Feast thine eyes on the SACRED PEANUT-BUTTER, *Holds up jar of Jif* we shall be in full cooperation with the Order of the Can. We aknowledge all Peanut-Butter lovers, whether you like crunchy, or creamy. Will you join me?

EDIT: I retract statements about the Can.
 
Last edited:
I would love to support your order as long as you retract the statement about finding it in the Can. The Can is a trash can, yes, but having actual refuse disposed in Him would be treason and something that Duffers would willing be whale-splated after falling off Cliff to prevent.
 
I will at least nominally participate, PROVIDED there are no silly, needless, intolerant quarrels between those who prefer creamy and those who prefer chunky.
 
I would love to support your order as long as you retract the statement about finding it in the Can. The Can is a trash can, yes, but having actual refuse disposed in Him would be treason and something that Duffers would willing be whale-splated after falling off Cliff to prevent.

To avoid splatting by the mighty Lava, might we say:

The light of the shiny Can hath set its radiance upon the peanut butter, and the peanut butter hath become holy. O Sacred Peanut Butter, we shall mix thee with CW and stick thee upon Mike--er-- *coughcough* That is, we shall set thee on top of Cliff, that all the world may see thee and know that

Shiny Peanut Butter

Is Good Peanut Butter.​
 
To avoid splatting by the mighty Lava, might we say:

The light of the shiny Can hath set its radiance upon the peanut butter, and the peanut butter hath become holy. O Sacred Peanut Butter, we shall mix thee with CW and stick thee upon Mike--er-- *coughcough* That is, we shall set thee on top of Cliff, that all the world may see thee and know that

Shiny Peanut Butter

Is Good Peanut Butter.​

Thou shalt not stick thy stupid peanut butter on me. I am a Telmarine, and we eat only creamy peanut butter. No telling what this stuff is, seeing as it was found in a despicable trash can.
 
*whalesplats Mike* *whalesplats Mike 27 more times* How durst thou call the Shiny Can despicable? Fie on thee, thou philistine! Be thou banished from the presence of the Tree. And may Toodles sustain thee.
 
*whalesplats Mike* *whalesplats Mike 27 more times* How durst thou call the Shiny Can despicable? Fie on thee, thou philistine! Be thou banished from the presence of the Tree. And may Toodles sustain thee.

What does the Tree have to do with the can? And I don't care, anyway. I like whales, and hate the evil squirrels of Lossy.
 
*puts on teacher-look* The Tree, my dearest Telmarine, was a member of the Order of the Can before her Tree-ness was ever discovered, and before she adopted evil squirrels as companions. Be forewarned; if you maltreat the Can and remain within a reasonable distance, you will be pelted with a barrage of nuts, sap, and pollen. Very bad for sweater vests, not to mention allergies.
 
*puts on teacher-look* The Tree, my dearest Telmarine, was a member of the Order of the Can before her Tree-ness was ever discovered, and before she adopted evil squirrels as companions. Be forewarned; if you maltreat the Can and remain within a reasonable distance, you will be pelted with a barrage of nuts, sap, and pollen. Very bad for sweater vests, not to mention allergies.

I don't have allergies, so...

And I try to stay away from trash cans as much as possible. It looks weird for a guy in a sweater vest to hang around trash cans.
 
Maltreatment includes false and/or rude statements either about or directed toward the Can. I repeat: be forewarned.

*examines sacred peanut butter*
 
*puts on teacher-look* The Tree, my dearest Telmarine, was a member of the Order of the Can before her Tree-ness was ever discovered, and before she adopted evil squirrels as companions. Be forewarned; if you maltreat the Can and remain within a reasonable distance, you will be pelted with a barrage of nuts, sap, and pollen. Very bad for sweater vests, not to mention allergies.

Caspian: And tomatoes! You will also be pelted with tomatoes!
Dorthy: :rolleyes: Oh brother.
 
*Little story-telling dude pops up*

THE LEGEND OF THE SACRED PEANUT-BUTTER.
Once upon a time there was an American exchange student who went to Mexico. Now, as everyone knows, the Peanut-butter in the US is much better than the Peanut-butter in Mexico. So the exchange student called her mother and asked her to send a jar of Jif to Mexico. The mother complied and the girl got her Peanut-butter. When it arrived, she became so obsessed with Peanut-butter that she even had it on the turkey at Christmas.

I heard that story from one of my friends.:D
 
Uggh...my little brother likes sun butter on his graham crackers, but I'm pretty sure even he wouldn't want it on his turkey.

*considers problems of peanut butter obsessions for people who are allergic to peanuts*
 
I've heard dangerous rumours of an "organic" cult that does not recognize BHT and Polysorbate 80 as essential to our salvation. I will report when I have more information.
 
(That would be my mom...but she cooks way better than the BHT people, so I think she's got room to talk.)
 
Back
Top