SimonW
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  • Near the end of your early-morning story-post, you say that a man's face "beheld" his sneering expression. A guy doesn't "behold" his own expression.
    SimonW
    SimonW
    Ahh, okay. Thanks for catching that. I fixed it from “beheld” to “had” for the narrative.
    Good that you're back to writing. Near the end of your latest, "She gingerly covered her mouth gently" is one adverb too many. I say keep "gingerly," because that is a more memorable adverb.
    SimonW
    SimonW
    Okay, I shall fix it. Thanks for the input and remaining interested.
    Narrative remains very good; but "the devil is in the details." Middle of the latest post: "There was no hasty notion in his actions....."

    Surely you meant to say, "--no hasty MOTION"?
    SimonW
    SimonW
    Thanks for the correction. I hate autocorrect sometimes, especially when it is wrong and I miss small things like that.
    A detail I didn't notice before: early in Post 7 of your story, you used the word "glib" as a noun. "Glib" is an adjective. You must have intended a different word. Maybe "--the gibe"?
    SimonW
    SimonW
    Glib was used correctly, as a way of speaking but I may have gotten it mixed up with gibe as you said. I shall rectify this post haste in a fastidious manner, Copperfox. I have to say I am doing this story on the fly without typing it first on Word so I may show my autistic side whilst being rushed to put down posts quickly. Sorry for the mistakes and inconvenience on my behalf.
    Copperfox
    Copperfox
    I want to help young authors along.
    SimonW
    SimonW
    And am grateful for that. Never said your input was a hinderance or bother, just letting you know the issues of my own shortcomings. I do not want to be a person of ego to think I am perfect…nobody is. That is just a way of life unfortunately.
    Near the top of your latest installment, "rest her wary joints" should be "weary joints." Near the bottom, "his breathes slightly" needs to lose the second E in "breathes" and maybe also lose the S.
    I was looking at my profile and saw the last thing you wrote and just wanted to say I am finally a nursery practitioner! Its hard work from 8 am till 6 pm on my feet but I love it :)
    Hi Simon, When you have a chance, please vote for favorite quotes for our 2015 Narnian Quote Calendar.

    Note: The 18 quotes under consideration are at the bottom of the post, beneath the Tally.
    Anything currently. I would just like to be employed. But ideally something with children.
    Thats cool. glad to hear things are going well for you :)
    Same old same old. Looking fora a job so I can move out, that kind of stuff.
    Obviously you will. Just realize that other people are likely to fall into the same confusion I did concerning your wording.
    It's fine to make up new expressions; I've done so myself. You just have a unique problem because your new expression is SO CLOSE in sound to an old one, people will THINK that you just made a mistake. If I were in your place, I wold make it "guilt-marked" or "guilt-colored" or "guilt-shadowed," carrying the same idea without SOUNDING LIKE "ridden."
    I have never seen anyone anywhere saying "guilt-written" before. I understand your intent now, but it still may seem to others like a mere mistake with the more familiar expression. But if you were to say "Guilt was WRITTEN ON her face," every reader would then recognize your meaning.
    In your new installment, "with a guilt-written look" should say "guilt-RIDDEN." The origin of the expression is the idea of your guilt RIDING ON YOUR BACK, as a burden you carry.
    He may end up becoming very similar to the sort of human reptile that I know I could have become if I had never received the love of Jesus Christ into my heart.
    The head of a school is a princi-PAL. A princi-PLE is an idea or a rule.

    As I understand it, Henry is a physically small boy. I was all too familiar, in my teenage years, with the humiliations of being small. Even if you don't get bullied, you DO get treated as less valuable than tall people. Where is Henry going? If something doesn't happen to prevent it, I see him becoming a VERY bitter man, trying to get revenge on the unfair world.
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