Purity and Modesty

[jesus_narnia_freak7]

This is an edit...
This is a place where everyone is welcome to talk about their thoughts, struggles, questions, or just to see what we are all about...maybe even share your opinion even if you don't agree. So just come hang out and be welcomed and encouraged.


Original:
Hey i need some people i can talk to about waiting...just cause i dont have any on here :)

[Lucy the Marshwiggle]

Can you be more specific?

[PeterC]

Hey i need some people i can talk to about waiting...just cause i dont have any on here :)
Wait...What?

[Mar]

umm you can talk to me!!!! i mean im probably not the best person to talk to but.....yeah....

[jesus_narnia_freak7]

Wow thanks...specific about what.

[PeterC]

Wow thanks...specific about what.
Why did you make this topic?

[Lucy the Marshwiggle]

Hey i need some people i can talk to about waiting...just cause i dont have any on here :)

Like i get the waiting part but not the second part of your post.. :( can you explain it or clarify it?

[Mar]

Like i get the waiting part but not the second part of your post.. :( can you explain it or clarify it?
yeeeah...do you mean like you have no one to talk to about purity with?

[jesus_narnia_freak7]

I made this topic because I get on here a lot and havent seen anything about any of this. so i thought i'd make a place where we can talk about purity and struggles and such

[Lucy the Marshwiggle]

OH OKAY! I get it now! THanks :)

[jesus_narnia_freak7]

cool beans

[jesus_narnia_freak7]

A little about me then i leave...

I personally dont belive in dating and i will not date at all, in fact, my theme song untill i get married is average girl by BarlowGirl.

At the moment im reading when dreams come true by the Ludys.

[chicken-sis5]

Hey i need some people i can talk to about waiting...just cause i dont have any on here :)

i once had a ring that said "true love waits" but i lost it while swimming :/

[jesus_narnia_freak7]

im sorry wish i could give another

i have two one for each hand. one says purity and the other says wait for me...it use to have as i wait for you but that wore off

[LifeMaiden]

Hey i need some people i can talk to about waiting...just cause i dont have any on here :)

I take it you're talking about abstinence in regards to purity? Stay pure, girl. Stay pure.

[Rhyanidd]

I don't know if this'll help, but one thing my parents did was all the kids when they turned 13 got to go out to dinner with just Mom and Dad. And all the girls got promise rings (aka Purity Rings) Basically we promise to remain pure, physically and emotionally, until we are ready for marriage, On my 2nd brothers 16th birthday they gave him a Promise Ring, and now they are gonna give my other brother one too, because they decided that that was something they should've done for the guys too.

p.s. By staying pure emotionally it means they don't want us to be dating until we are sure we're ready, (we're not allowed to date till we're 18, but the Ring is also to insure that when we do start dating that we'll be careful, and not just go out with the first guy who asks...) and they mean look at guys as brothers, not as potentiol boyfriends.

[Mar]

I don't know if this'll help, but one thing my parents did was all the kids when they turned 13 got to go out to dinner with just Mom and Dad. And all the girls got promise rings (aka Purity Rings) Basically we promise to remain pure, physically and emotionally, until we are ready for marriage, On my 2nd brothers 16th birthday they gave him a Promise Ring, and now they are gonna give my other brother one too, because they decided that that was something they should've done for the guys too.

p.s. By staying pure emotionally it means they don't want us to be dating until we are sure we're ready, (we're not allowed to date till we're 18, but the Ring is also to insure that when we do start dating that we'll be careful, and not just go out with the first guy who asks...) and they mean look at guys as brothers, not as potentiol boyfriends.
oooo...i couldnt do that!! :eek:

my parents are super strict, but i dont listen to them :p

[Solya]

Promises are made to be broken sometimes... I'm not even sure if I'll ever marry, so promise rings would be of little use to me. I don't need anything to remind me of my values when it comes to purity. I have decided a long, long time ago that I will wait until I find someone I feel entirely comfortable with... until I find someone who respects me and loves me for who I am. Only then will I give up an inch of my purity. But, you know, there are different sorts of purity and I think that I'll always remain pure in the way of staying true to myself. I won't change myself for others anymore.

[LifeMaiden]

Promises are made to be broken sometimes... I'm not even sure if I'll ever marry, so promise rings would be of little use to me. I don't need anything to remind me of my values when it comes to purity. I have decided a long, long time ago that I will wait until I find someone I feel entirely comfortable with... until I find someone who respects me and loves me for who I am. Only then will I give up an inch of my purity. But, you know, there are different sorts of purity and I think that I'll always remain pure in the way of staying true to myself. I won't change myself for others anymore.


Well young people should be commended for making that choice of purity. These days, I just see too many young girls wearing clothes that make them look like ho's, and they behave in that manner too. Enjoy your girlhood and don't make it a point to grow up too fast...you have plenty of years for that ahead of you.

[Mar]

Promises are made to be broken sometimes... I'm not even sure if I'll ever marry, so promise rings would be of little use to me. I don't need anything to remind me of my values when it comes to purity. I have decided a long, long time ago that I will wait until I find someone I feel entirely comfortable with... until I find someone who respects me and loves me for who I am. Only then will I give up an inch of my purity. But, you know, there are different sorts of purity and I think that I'll always remain pure in the way of staying true to myself. I won't change myself for others anymore.
wow!! i wish i was more like you!

[Rhyanidd]

I don't think my parents were worried that we would act like Ho's or anything, and they don't really think that we need a physical reminder, they instilled in us values, and all of us are stubborn, and all of us will stay true to those values, I'm sure of it. None of us will let anybody pressure us into anything. Its the truth, I think that the ring is more to put it in concrete, to give them some reassurance, I mean, yeah they know we will behave, but sometimes its just nice. The Ring is also nice for me, because when I see it it helps to reinforce everything I believe, I don't NEED it, but its nice to have when I feel weak. It shows that my parents trust me, if they didn't do they think a Ring would stop me from breaking a promise? No a ring won't stop me, but the Ring shows their trust that I won't break a promise.....I don't know if that makes sense...but I have my values and I won't EVER give them up, in the least

[Solya]

There are various ways of growing up. :) Wearing clothes that make you look like a ho and acting like you love every guy on earth obviously state to me that you haven't gotten the whole point of being a woman yet. :D Being a woman doesn't mean that you should show off your sexuality and the way you are everywhere you go. Being a woman, to me, simply means that you can turn on the buttons for sexuality whenever you want to (and not when anyone else wants you to!) and it also means that you are free to express who you are wherever you are and that you should demand respect but yet give respect in return. By dressing up like a ho you entirely miss the point... because no one will give you the respect you deserve then.

@ Mar: Everyone can be like me. :) All it takes is a strong mind and a fierce opinion, and of course you have to learn what makes you sooooo valuable to existence. Basically, everyone is special in their own way but most people choose to be something they're not because they're afraid of what other people might think. But in the end I believe that the only way to achieve true happiness and purity is by just being who you are. If people don't accept you for it, it's their problem and not yours. ;)

[Rhyanidd]

Thats preety much what I thinkexcept, turning on the sexuality part...blek! Never getting married....soo..

[Gondorgirl]

can you clear out your inbox Jesus_Narnia_freak? I was going to send you a PM but it's full

what do you want to talk about? as you can see from my sig I believe in waiting. I think youth have enough problems as it is. I've known too many people who have had their hearts broken over dating and such. I know this whole group of girls that I go to church with who all agree on this subject. what sort of questions do you have?

[susanpevensie424]

I strongly believe in waiting and purity. You go jesus_narnia_freak.

[Lucy_QueenofNarnia]

I see girls walking down the halls of my high school every day (well, when its not summer, that is) in skimpy little outfits, holding hands with guys or hugging them so close that they looked glued together, or even kissing them in the middle of the hallway for everyone to see. I don't understand why some girls would do that. It just shows that they don't truly respect themselves, and they don't have strong enough values to just be a normal girl and not try to grow up too fast.

I have a friend who is a little insecure and suffers from depression, and I don't think she gets a lot of support from her family at home. So whenever she thinks a guy likes her, she immediately goes head over heels for him, and then when he asks her out, she immediately says yes, and then a week later they are making out in the courtyard after school and she's telling him that she loves him. She doesn't even really care who it is..it could be a drugee or a gang member who asked her out.. anyways, then about a month or two later, he breaks up with her and shes so emotionally unstable for another week, and she sinks even lower into depression. Then the cycle starts over again. No matter how hard all of her friends try to talk to her about it (me included) she just stays strong in the opinion that shes 100% sure this guy loves her and that she loves him. SHE'S 15 YEARS OLD. She doesn't need that in her life. And this year, once she got her new boyfriend halfway through the year, they got really close. And you know what she told me in June, before the school year ended? That she and her boyfriend had talked, and she was sure she loved him, and that she was going to give herself to him a few days into the summer break.

I haven't talked to her since the last day of school, but I tried to talk to her and show her that she doesn't need to do that to make him love her every day on the bus ride home. I don't know if it sank in, but I truly hope she listened to something I said.

I certainly hope that if you read that, you'll truly consider what disastrous choices you can make, and see that it isn't worth growing up so fast that you need to lose your purity and innocence. Don't let your infatuation with a guy fool you into doing something incredibly stupid.

So stay strong. I know I'm going to wait until I'm ready to get married, and ready to share my love with my soulmate that I know is out there. I'm going to enjoy the last few years I've got of my childhood before I even start truly dating. I don't need the added pressure and responsibility of choices, since my number one goal right now is to work hard on my education so I can prepare my life ahead for something great.

I think the ring idea was a really good one, especially the fact that if you recognized all the powerful feelings you got from wearing it, that it reinforced your values, its working! If a ring helps you remember to stay who you are, then it is one of the best tools you've got.

[Lost Dreamer]

My mom just got me this CD, and its a collection of songs from different christian artists about waiting and purity. i LOVE it. two of my favotires are 'The wedding ring' and 'Dismissed'
i've never had a problem with purity, one for the fact that i only know about 4-5 guys and they go to my youth group and are lame (tee-he) and for some reason i am ultra conservative. the whole dating thing has no attraction to me...why watse my time getting ym heart broken when i could be serving God? i think---no, scratch that, i KNOW, that when/if the time comes God will make it happen. why worry about it? my cousen (same age as me) once told me the stories of all her BF since i think 3rd grade; and it was pitiful. she didn't even like these guys, and they didnt like her. they did it to do it.
i'm sorry if i sound harsh or self-righteous to any of you guys...i don't mean that. i'm jsut stating how i feel and trying to understand how others feel and why; so if somehtign ever happens i can be prepared and understand.

[Gondorgirl]

My mom just got me this CD, and its a collection of songs from different christian artists about waiting and purity. i LOVE it. two of my favotires are 'The wedding ring' and 'Dismissed'
i've never had a problem with purity, one for the fact that i only know about 4-5 guys and they go to my youth group and are lame (tee-he) and for some reason i am ultra conservative. the whole dating thing has no attraction to me...why watse my time getting ym heart broken when i could be serving God? i think---no, scratch that, i KNOW, that when/if the time comes God will make it happen. why worry about it? my cousen (same age as me) once told me the stories of all her BF since i think 3rd grade; and it was pitiful. she didn't even like these guys, and they didnt like her. they did it to do it.
i'm sorry if i sound harsh or self-righteous to any of you guys...i don't mean that. i'm jsut stating how i feel and trying to understand how others feel and why; so if somehtign ever happens i can be prepared and understand.

oh cool! I have that CD!!! it's Every Young Woman's battle right? awesome :eek:

[Mar]

My mom just got me this CD, and its a collection of songs from different christian artists about waiting and purity. i LOVE it. two of my favotires are 'The wedding ring' and 'Dismissed'
i've never had a problem with purity, one for the fact that i only know about 4-5 guys and they go to my youth group and are lame (tee-he) and for some reason i am ultra conservative. the whole dating thing has no attraction to me...why watse my time getting ym heart broken when i could be serving God? i think---no, scratch that, i KNOW, that when/if the time comes God will make it happen. why worry about it? my cousen (same age as me) once told me the stories of all her BF since i think 3rd grade; and it was pitiful. she didn't even like these guys, and they didnt like her. they did it to do it.
i'm sorry if i sound harsh or self-righteous to any of you guys...i don't mean that. i'm jsut stating how i feel and trying to understand how others feel and why; so if somehtign ever happens i can be prepared and understand.
i think youre my sister.

[Lost Dreamer]

oh cool! I have that CD!!! it's Every Young Woman's battle right? awesome
yes! thats it! *points* thats the one! i love it, don't you? i've only had it a week and already i jam.

i think youre my sister.
*sings* we are family! i've got all my sisters with me! :D

[Gondorgirl]

yeah. I like Barlow Girl. I was just listening to it on a Superchick CD

[Mar]

*sings* we are family! i've got all my sisters with me! :D
haha no its just you sound like my sister!!

[Lost Dreamer]

Oo! Superchic[K]! my other favoriet. *come up Barlow girls*
Thank you very much Mar, i already have two sisters to deal with! j/k ;)

[jesus_narnia_freak7]

inbox clear...sorta

have a friend who is a little insecure and suffers from depression, and I don't think she gets a lot of support from her family at home. So whenever she thinks a guy likes her, she immediately goes head over heels for him, and then when he asks her out, she immediately says yes, and then a week later they are making out in the courtyard after school and she's telling him that she loves him. She doesn't even really care who it is..it could be a drugee or a gang member who asked her out.. anyways, then about a month or two later, he breaks up with her and shes so emotionally unstable for another week, and she sinks even lower into depression. Then the cycle starts over again. No matter how hard all of her friends try to talk to her about it (me included) she just stays strong in the opinion that shes 100% sure this guy loves her and that she loves him. SHE'S 15 YEARS OLD. She doesn't need that in her life. And this year, once she got her new boyfriend halfway through the year, they got really close. And you know what she told me in June, before the school year ended? That she and her boyfriend had talked, and she was sure she loved him, and that she was going to give herself to him a few days into the summer break.

You should tell her about Eric and Leslie Ludy's book When God Writes Your Love Story its great and i will be praying for her

[jesus_narnia_freak7]

Hey this is from the ludy book im reading now...this is to leslie from God

I have someone very special for you, My presious child. Wait patiently for that man, set yourself aside for him in complete purity and faithfulness. I will bring him into your life in a way more beautiful than anything you can imagine. But wait for My perfect timing. Use this time of your life to focus on Me instead of chasing after foolish, short-term pleasure.

this can be to all of us too

[Shadeslayer]

A year or two ago I read a book called: I Kissed Dating Goodbye. And in it, it talks about how to keep youself, and help those around you stay pure. When I finished it I put my own thing to gather. Here it is:

Guys Protect your Sisters Purity and Honor, Girls do the same for your Brothers.
I Kissed Dating GoodBye

Because we are all brothers and sisters in Christ.

[Gondorgirl]

A year or two ago I read a book called: I Kissed Dating Goodbye. And in it, it talks about how to keep youself, and help those around you stay pure. When I finished it I put my own thing to gather. Here it is:

Guys Protect your Sisters Purity and Honor, Girls do the same for your Brothers.
I Kissed Dating GoodBye

Because we are all brothers and sisters in Christ.

I think that author wrote another book called "Stop Dating the Church, Fall in Love With the Family of God"

I also have heard of a book called "Authentic Beauty" and I think there's one for guys called "Gods Gift to Man"

[Shadeslayer]

I think that author wrote another book called "Stop Dating the Church, Fall in Love With the Family of God"

I also have heard of a book called "Authentic Beauty" and I think there's one for guys called "Gods Gift to Man"

He may have, but I couldn't swear to it. :D

[Señor Puntos]

Wow, all you people have morals about dating.

I wish I had morals for dating...well I do, I just don't keep to them. Silly me.

[Lost Dreamer]

i watched the movie that guy made on 'I kissed Dating Goodbye' it was for a youth group thing. i found it insightful but almost cheesy somehow...the guy reminded me of a comedian and i couldn't seem to concentrate while he talked. but some of what the people said was really sad, the few who screwed up and then regretted it later.

[jesus_narnia_freak7]

I think that author wrote another book called "Stop Dating the Church, Fall in Love With the Family of God"

I also have heard of a book called "Authentic Beauty" and I think there's one for guys called "Gods Gift to Man"

One is for girls by Leslie Ludy (i want to sooo read that) and the other is by her husband Eric for guys

[jesus_narnia_freak7]

just wanted to share a verse
Proverbs 31:12
She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.

[Aravis Kenobi]

Well young people should be commended for making that choice of purity. These days, I just see too many young girls wearing clothes that make them look like ho's, and they behave in that manner too. Enjoy your girlhood and don't make it a point to grow up too fast...you have plenty of years for that ahead of you.

IM, I so agree with you on that point. I myself struggle with the fact of modesty, trying to be modest when everyone around me (girls especially) are dressing with extremely short shorts, short skirts, and very low cut tops. With that around me, I feel so alone that no one in my youth group can relate to me on the topic of modesty. It might be hard to wait, but I'm going to do it, and I'm not dating until I'm sure that he's the one for me whom I'm going to spend my future with. :)

[she-elfwarrior19]

I think alot of girls think they need to dress innapropriate and do such things so they feel important and accepted by guys.
I believe in abstenance. I dont really know what else to say about this topic right now so..yeah.

[Lost Dreamer]

This is some lines from a song by Superchick:
Any attention can feel like a good thing
You can get noticed with you body
Sexual hyponosis by being hottie
You might feel like common property.
You might you migiht you shouldnt be.
i think thats often the case. me; i feel uncomfortable if my shirt goes lower than my neck-bone; but i think if i wasn't major like that, i would want to feel like i was being noticed. i dont even like guys. but whenever i see a new guy---i mean, even someone i dont even like at all or never met befor in my entire life; its like all the sudden i'm thiking 'i wonder if he likes me. whats he thiking about me? look---he smiled at me. hmm. maybe he's checking me out...'
and instants later i'm thining what the heck is wrong with me.
its a natural reaction and one that is very sad, in a way. that we could be that desperate is just...sad. but it all depends on how we handle it. if the thought comes and we dwell on it, thats bad. but if we immeaditaly rebuke it than its okay...but sometimes, for me at least, its hard to rebuke it. i want to try and understand that new feeling, even if i know in my heart i dont really care.

[Mar]

IM, I so agree with you on that point. I myself struggle with the fact of modesty, trying to be modest when everyone around me (girls especially) are dressing with extremely short shorts, short skirts, and very low cut tops. With that around me, I feel so alone that no one in my youth group can relate to me on the topic of modesty. It might be hard to wait, but I'm going to do it, and I'm not dating until I'm sure that he's the one for me whom I'm going to spend my future with. :)
ughh my parents are super strict.....i HATE it.

[Shadeslayer]

That means they love you very much, and they want you to be happy.

Something I found interesting is someone said to me: "How obedient are you to your mom or dad? Cause did you know thats a direct reflection on your obedience to God?"
That struck me hard, cause I don't like being told what to do. But now that I see it that way, I'm trying my very best to obey them. Even if I don't like it :rolleyes:

[Solya]

I try to obey my parents as much as is possible, but that doesn't mean that I'll just stop discussing about their decisions with them. I want to know the reasons first before I'll obey. There are some matters in which I obey directly, but usually I jump into a discussion with them about it. I guess my natural curiosity and my natural sense of "I need to know before I obey" fuel it... my parents are used to it and pretty much make valid points which make me obey them in the end. ;)

When guys look at me, I often look right back at them and try to see what they are really like behind the mask they wear. I always succeed in it and sometimes what I see is not to my liking at all. There's nothing more satisfying as seeing what a person is really like deep down inside. Then you truly know if they're worthy of knowing you and seeing you for who you are. I guess that's why my issues with purity are not issues at all but just plain facts. Anyone who crosses my line will no longer meet a meek little kitten but a ferocious cat who protects what is hers.

[Lady Eve]

I have very strong morals about dating. My parents never really got active in my personal life very much, but I guess that's partially because I never wanted them to, so we never really talked about dating. I've never really had a "boyfriend" (Okay, I had them in 3rd 4th and 5th grade but those don't count! I didn't even really like those people...They were more just like good friends to me.) My outlook on dating is first you need to become a guy's friend. Don't just be like "Oooooh! I like you let's date!" You have to know that person first. I think that the best relationships can come out of people who were originally best friends. Best friends know you, better than anyone else, and that's something you need before you can date someone. You shouldn't have to put on an act for someone to like you either. Just be yourself, and if they are the right person for you then they will like you for who you truly are. To quote a song I know... It says "'Cause it's better to be hated for who you are, then be loved for who you're not"
Where I go to school I see a lot of girls who dress inappropriately. Short skirts, low cut tops. They load there faces with make-up (not saying that make-up is a horrible thing, but girls their age don't need it, especially that much...) and act ditzy just for attention. They constantly are hanging all over the boys and would do anything for attention. It's pathetic how guys would do anything for them just because they think they're "hot". They don't have enough confidence in who they really are so they put on a mask for people to like them. It's almost pathetic. Every weeks these girls have different boyfriends, and when they break up they don't even care. They go out with boys 4 years older than them and do thinks that girls my age should NOT be doing. Dating is something I think people should wait on, enjoy being a kid now while you still can. Teens don't need dating piled on top of all their other stresses. Have fun while you're young, worry about dating later. That's just my view on it :D ~Eve

[Aravis Kenobi]

I have very strong morals about dating. My parents never really got active in my personal life very much, but I guess that's partially because I never wanted them to, so we never really talked about dating. I've never really had a "boyfriend" (Okay, I had them in 3rd 4th and 5th grade but those don't count! I didn't even really like those people...They were more just like good friends to me.) My outlook on dating is first you need to become a guy's friend. Don't just be like "Oooooh! I like you let's date!" You have to know that person first. I think that the best relationships can come out of people who were originally best friends. Best friends know you, better than anyone else, and that's something you need before you can date someone. You shouldn't have to put on an act for someone to like you either. Just be yourself, and if they are the right person for you then they will like you for who you truly are. To quote a song I know... It says "'Cause it's better to be hated for who you are, then be loved for who you're not"
Where I go to school I see a lot of girls who dress inappropriately. Short skirts, low cut tops. They load there faces with make-up (not saying that make-up is a horrible thing, but girls their age don't need it, especially that much...) and act ditzy just for attention. They constantly are hanging all over the boys and would do anything for attention. It's pathetic how guys would do anything for them just because they think they're "hot". They don't have enough confidence in who they really are so they put on a mask for people to like them. It's almost pathetic. Every weeks these girls have different boyfriends, and when they break up they don't even care. They go out with boys 4 years older than them and do thinks that girls my age should NOT be doing. Dating is something I think people should wait on, enjoy being a kid now while you still can. Teens don't need dating piled on top of all their other stresses. Have fun while you're young, worry about dating later. That's just my view on it :D ~Eve

Good thoughts. Girls here think that if they put enough make-up on, boys will notice. All it does is make other people think (at least for me) that they've dipped a paintbrush in paint, and then paint their faces. I wear make-up, but only eye makeup and foundation and powder. I don't wear blush or lipstick because my lips are red enough, and I have natural color to my face, so there's no need for either.

[jesus_narnia_freak7]

I only where makeup when i have bad breakouts or i just feel like and the latter isnt very often

[fish_wwjd_frog]

"Gods Gift to Man"
just to make a correction, in case someone is interested, the correct title is "God's Gift to Women" written by Eric Ludy, the husband of the woman (Leslie) who wrote "Authentic Beauty".

As some have mentioned before, it is quite disheartening to see just how many girls give themselves away. While I am not trying to point fingers, I would like to point out that the girls are not the only ones giving themselves away. At the attempt to stay family-friendly, the phrase that comes to mind is "It takes two to tango". And sadly, speaking as one who attends both High School and College, things do not get much better after High School. (Note: the following could apply to our Warrior-Poets out there to, but I am aiming it at my teenage Princess sisters.) My friends who date always question me, "Liz, when are you going to start going out with someone. There's a dance coming up, you should ask so-and-so." Time and time again, I patiently explain to them that I am staying pure, which for me includes both physically and mentally. Their response is usually something like, "Oh my ...., you are going to be like one of those holy girls who (*edited*) doesn't do anything till she's, like, 30, are you? It's just going out with someone. Besides, do you think any guy will actually even want a girl with zero dating experience." All you girls who have to listen to this type of thing almost every day, I feel for you. I have been there, and I still am there. Don't listen to them. As BarlowGirl says (paraphrase), "God defines us, not the people who tell us that we are not good enough." I believe that their reasoning for saying that comes from Romans 12:2 - "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is; his good, pleasing, and perfect will." So for all of you girls who see others around you, hanging on members of the opposite sex, seemingly happy (for the time being, but watch for 5 more minutes and they'll have broken up, cried, and found someone else before lunch before repeating the sequence again the next day.), don't ever wonder if perhaps that could be the right way. Trust in God, and "Let Him write your love story." He has a plan for you, and He himself says so. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." (Jeremiah 29:11-13) God bless and keep you and yours. -Liz-


P.S. For you girls (and guys) who struggle with purity and needing acceptance from the secular world, here are the lyrics to one of my favorite BarlowGirl songs.

"Mirror"

Mirror, Mirror on the wall; Have I got it?
'Cause Mirror you've always told me who I am
I’m finding It’s not easy to be perfect
So sorry, you won’t define me
Sorry, you don’t own me

Chorus
Who are you to tell me
that I’m less than what I should be?
Who are you? Who are you?
I don’t need to listen
to the list of things I should do
I won’t try; I won’t try
You don’t define me; You don’t define me

Mirror I am seeing a new reflection
I’m looking into the eyes of He who made me
To Him I have beauty beyond compare
I know He defines me

[jesus_narnia_freak7]

thanks fish

[ForgivenAcceptedPure]

i was actually just recently put in a postion to date a guy i really like, but be both decided taht it would be a lot better to just be friends, that way my parents give us a lot more freedom because we have set that boundary. but also, i don't really want to date, or if i do it will be a non-physical relationship. don't you think it would be best if your first everything is left for the man/woman you marry? i just think it would make it seem that much more special.

[Aslan'sFriend410]

I agree wholeheartedly! Besides the moral implication, you open yourself up to so much when you become active sexually. It isn't something to take lightly. It's a big responsibility and the consequences for ignoring the dangers can be fatal. I myself am 32 and I am leaving this aspect of life in God's hands. If there is someone for me, He will make it happen. Until then, I'm not giving in!

[Lost Dreamer]

I read this thick magazine somone from church gave me written by this supossedly christian woman. (note: i am not saying she was lying, or that she is not a christian, i am just stating she claims to be one) Most of the magazine was about makeup---what to wear, what not to wear, how to wear it, what to put on first...ect ect ect. then there was another section on how we as christians should see the inner bueaty ect. but the way this woman wrote this magazine made me feel like she was saying you HAVE to wear makeup to look pretty. time and time again she stated things like 'Now, if you don't put on the right eye-liner you can forget the rest of your do!' or 'Makeup is essentioal as a nice skirt or a matching purse'
the way this woman talked made me feel like she thought that you were not pretty without makeup. it seemed that to her, makeup, and lots of it, was an essential.
that is not true. it was the same with another magazine of hers i was given, this one about clothes. while what she said about the christian aspect seemed good, she put so much stress on what you wore or put on your face that it totally contradicted what she spoke in the other part of her magazine.
my point is that lots of girls today think they have to wear makup or put on 'pretty' (sexy-aka tight, low cut, ect) clothes to be bueatiful. that drives me crazy. i have never worn makeup in my life...just because i dont really care much about it; and plenty of people have called me pretty. other girls i know who wear lots of makeup or 'sexy' clothes have called me pretty. WE DO NOT NEED THAT TO DEFINE US. i just feel strongly about that point and that i should stress it. we do not need makeup. we do not need brand-name clothes that we feel uncomfortable in.
we do not need all this.
like frog said: Romans 12:2 - "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is; his good, pleasing, and perfect will."
we do not have wear makeup or pretty clothes. I think that we should think of it like a nice addition, somehtign we can use to compliment our natural bueaty. but we do not have to have it.

[Solya]

Well said. :) I use very little make-up because I find that it defines what I want to show to the world and can function as a mask if I apply a lot of it. I wear clothes I feel comfortable in because I find that me being comfortable with who I am also shows this to others I get in touch with. I wear very little brand-name clothes, actually, because the ones who are less expensive are just as good and much prettier. ;)

When used as an addition to your natural beauty, make-up and clothes can make you a stunning woman. When used as a way of putting yourself "out there" and as a way of creating a mask no one can penetrate, it is the one thing which will destroy you and prevent your true soulmate from seeing you. :) Conforming to society is losing your identity in a sense. Don't let that happen. You're all beautiful just the way you are without the external colours and dresses and everything else that go with it.

[jesus_narnia_freak7]

One of my friends wears soooo much its not funny and when i sleepover she does my make and i look like im 25 not cool...i didnt even recognize me

[Lady Eve]

A lot of the girls I know wear a little bit of make-up. But not too much, some people just don't know where to draw the line. A little bit of make-up is fine, but you don't need so much eye-liner you took a Sharpie marker and went around your eye. The only time I ever wear make-up is when I'm in a play, and that's because we have to or the lights wash out our faces.

[jesus_narnia_freak7]

Oh yeah my dad made me an old lady because he does that stuff

[The Teacup]

i'm totally pure. i've never done anything and i don't plan to do anything for a long while.

[Mar]

A lot of the girls I know wear a little bit of make-up. But not too much, some people just don't know where to draw the line. A little bit of make-up is fine, but you don't need so much eye-liner you took a Sharpie marker and went around your eye. The only time I ever wear make-up is when I'm in a play, and that's because we have to or the lights wash out our faces.
yeah.....i put on make-up everyday wooohooo

[Saruman]

don't you think it would be best if your first everything is left for the man/woman you marry? i just think it would make it seem that much more special.

An excellent thought here, and something very much worth considering. God established marriage as something to be a blessing, between a man and a woman. And how much more special will it be to be pure for that moment when the two become one flesh in the sight of the living God through marriage. Very excellent thoughts. :)

[Ephinie]

I rarely ever wear make up, and when I do, it is very little. I never wear eye make up because my eyes are pretty sensetive, and having anything on my eyes bothers me to no end. Plus, I wear glasses, so it's not like people would be able to notice that much of a difference anyways. Usually, I just put on some foundation to cover up break outs; and I also use lip gloss but not lipstick.

Staying pure is very important, and I wish more teenagers would see how much better it is for them to be abstinent. There is nothing wrong with dating, however. You can go out with a guy and have fun and just enjoy each other's company without it turning into some make-out session or something like that. Sometimes it's nice just to have a guy pay attention to you and treat you nicely. That doesn't mean you have to be involved in any serious relationship with him or anything like that. Also, it's fine to go out with guys who are just friends.

[Lilith]

I mostly just put on lipgloss and mascara...

[jesus_narnia_freak7]

not to change the subject bur what are your thoughts on modesty

Guys can post in here too

[Solya]

Modesty in itself is a very good thing. :) Still I feel that you should also be allowed to be so proud of yourself that you get unmodest for just a little while... it's not good if you're always going like "I'm so good at this and that" but it does get your self-esteem up when you are allowed to go like "yeah, I have done a good job on that". :) I've always been pretty much modest about the things I can do and about everything I feel and think. Still, sometimes I do like to draw attention to myself without being too modest about it.

I guess you should always maintain a certain amount of modesty. But that doesn't mean that you can never express the feeling of pride when you've done a good job at something and so on.

[Ephinie]

I think it's a good thing to dress modestly, but that doesn't mean that you have to dress like a nun, either.

[Solya]

That's true as well. :) There's different situations in which you can use modesty, and not one of them is equal to the other. I guess it also depends on the environment you find yourself in, of course.

[jesus_narnia_freak7]

I think it's a good thing to dress modestly, but that doesn't mean that you have to dress like a nun, either.
i totally agree i also think there is never a time when you should dress imodestly unless your married and its in your home

[Ephinie]

i totally agree i also think there is never a time when you should dress imodestly unless your married and its in your homeWell... if you're married, and it's in your home... and your hubby is the only other person around, then it's not really immodest. You could walk about butt naked, and it still wouldn't be immodest.

[Alexandra Pevensie]

hahaha...yeah, i guess that's a good point...but i think dressing modestly is huge. at this one camp i went to, they talked to the girls about how it's our responsibility to help the guys think pure thoughts, just by dressing modestly...and that definitely doesn't mean u can't look good too...it's very possible to dress modestly and still look nice (and usually, u'll look better then anywaze)

back to the dating thing...i'm 18 and i've never dated...i just don't think it's necessary until ur at least ready to consider marriage ("every date is a potential mate")...not that i think dating is wrong, but some things that dating may lead to are very wrong...i just hang out w/ a bunch of guy friends...and they're close enough to me (we're more like brother and sister than friends) that they'll tell me if they think i'm dressing inappropriately, which is really cool (not that they've ever had to, but i know they would)...

[Ephinie]

It's nice to have guy friends who you are comfortable with and who are comfortable enough with you that you can be open and honest with each other - even about things like clothing, modesty, and other touchy subjects. I have two guy friends who are very close, and I would feel comfortable discussing basically any subject with them. They're like the brothers I wish I had.

[Solya]

Yeah, I often say that I've got lots of brothers and sisters even though I'm an only child. :) My soulbrother's 26 years old and he treats me like a little sister... complete with the warning "don't wear skirts that are way too short, don't run around in clothes which cause people to see your underwear etc." and with a lot of brotherly advice about everything you can imagine. ;) He's particularly fond of the idea that I'm going to wait for the person who is meant for me before I date, especially because he has never done such a thing and has had many girlfriends already. We're not totally alike in matters of religion but that's never been a problem with us so far... we don't tend to focus on that when we're together.

[jesus_narnia_freak7]

Well... if you're married, and it's in your home... and your hubby is the only other person around, then it's not really immodest. You could walk about butt naked, and it still wouldn't be immodest.
Thats true

[Faun 3.0]

A little about me then i leave...

I personally dont belive in dating and i will not date at all, in fact, my theme song untill i get married is average girl by BarlowGirl.

At the moment im reading when dreams come true by the Ludys.

If you don't date, how will you know you love the one that you will marry?

[jesus_narnia_freak7]

If you don't date, how will you know you love the one that you will marry?I will rely on my True Prince (Jesus...the author of love) to show me

[Solya]

I think that if you meet your perfect Someone, you will feel it in your very soul. :) There won't be another person for you but this Someone... no one will suit you better and you will know when you meet this person.

[Twilightdryadhobbit]

If you don't date, how will you know you love the one that you will marry?


Also, just because we don't date (Yes, I'm 19 and I don't plan on dating either) it definitely doesn't mean that we're not going to spend a lot of time with our potential mates, or not get to know them. But we don't plan on getting to know them physically, or spending practically all our time alone together, or a variety of other things that are not helpful that typically happens in a dating relationship. The relationship I know I'll have someday will be centered around a mutual love for Christ, and an attraction and love for each other. It will be defined by purity, because we will both have Christ living inside of us, and will want what he wants for us, and that means a pure relationship so we will have the wonderful married life that he has for us.



The moral of the story is, dating is not the way to find the one God has for you.

Also, I do not plan on marrying anyone until I'm sure I'm in love with him. But a friend of mine who I have talked to about my relationship standards asked me "Do you even believe in love?" I'm kind of curious on what you sister's thoughts are about how someone could get the impression that just because I don't want physicality in my relationships, or relationships before I'm ready to get married, that I don't want a relationship where I fall in love? I'm not even sure how to answer that, because I don't know how we even got to that point in the questions. Any response at all would be appreciated.

[Ephinie]

Also, I do not plan on marrying anyone until I'm sure I'm in love with him. But a friend of mine who I have talked to about my relationship standards asked me "Do you even believe in love?" I'm kind of curious on what you sister's thoughts are about how someone could get the impression that just because I don't want physicality in my relationships, or relationships before I'm ready to get married, that I don't want a relationship where I fall in love? I'm not even sure how to answer that, because I don't know how we even got to that point in the questions. Any response at all would be appreciated.Just say that of course you believe in love, and you're a romantic at heart, which is why you are determined to do things the old fashioned way. And say that love is so important to you that you are going out of your way to make sure it is done right and to make sure that you don't give your love to anyone who is not worthy of it.

As to how the got the conversation got that point in the first place, I would venture to say that your friend probably did not understand the points you were making. He/she might have just gotten the message that eww! boys are gross, rather than that you don't want casual physical contact. I couldn't say for sure because I didn't actually hear the conversation.

[Rhyanidd]

Conforming to society is losing your identity in a sense. Don't let that happen.
I completely agree, when you conform to society you are no longer an individual but rather a drone...

One of the reasons that girls are having a hard time dressing appropriately is because everywhere we look (billboards, movies, covers of books) girls are dressed indecently. When 'everyone' is doing it it's hard not to.

Also its nice to draw stares. I hate guys and plan on never getting married but, on occasion, I like to know that the guys find me preety. I would never do anything to give those boys impure thoughts but when they look at me and I know they think I'm preety I can't help but be happy with how I look. For the most part I shove those thoughts out of my head because I don't want to feel that way.

Modesty isn't as much of a problem for me because I feel indecent when its just my sisters and I and my stomach is showing...sometimes I ignore the feeling, its just my sisters, but when I'm in public it is there 10 fold...

And for those of you who said 'how can you find the wo/man you're gonna marry if you don't date?" I'd like to say: My oldest sister never dated. She would go out alone with guys, as friends. She would bring them home to meet the family, and would go to meet their familys. But they were only friends. Then she and a guy friend of hers started talking about marriage and thinking that God wanted them to get married, and now they've been married for *almost* 5 years, and have a beautiful baby girl *who is *almost*1 year old!* So it is possible to find your future spouse without dating!

[jesus_narnia_freak7]

Modesty comes natural to me but I still have problems finding clothes

[Neevil]

Modesty comes natural to me but I still have problems finding clothes
I know what you mean. Modesty is first, but it's so hard to find clothes that are modest, but still pretty and not too geeky. I mean, I always try to be modest, but I don't want to wear old lady clothes :eek:

[jesus_narnia_freak7]

Yep at least long shorts are in

[Lost Dreamer]

There is nothing wrong with dating, however. You can go out with a guy and have fun and just enjoy each other's company without it turning into some make-out session or something like that... Also, it's fine to go out with guys who are just friends.

I can't help but say i disagree with you Ephinie. I belive, personally, that dating is unbiblical. Courtship, yes, i believe is perfectly fine. The word dating implies the anything-goes attitude many people feel. Dating is the 'thing to do'. Anyone will casually say they are dating, but even unbelievers know there is a difference between courtship and dating; even if the only difference is that few people say it and its the 'restrained' thing.
I'm kinda wondering why you feel that dating is fine, because i've been pretty strongly convicted about that myself. could you explain?

[Lucy the Marshwiggle]

I know what you mean. Modesty is first, but it's so hard to find clothes that are modest, but still pretty and not too geeky. I mean, I always try to be modest, but I don't want to wear old lady clothes :eek:


I dress really modest but fashionable as well. You can go the mall and find great clothes that arn't open. Most of my clothes are from Abercrombie and Fitch, but they are really modest. Nothing is open and no part of my skin shows. I guess everyone has their own definition of 'Modest'.

[Ephinie]

I can't help but say i disagree with you Ephinie. I belive, personally, that dating is unbiblical. Courtship, yes, i believe is perfectly fine. The word dating implies the anything-goes attitude many people feel. Dating is the 'thing to do'. Anyone will casually say they are dating, but even unbelievers know there is a difference between courtship and dating; even if the only difference is that few people say it and its the 'restrained' thing.
I'm kinda wondering why you feel that dating is fine, because i've been pretty strongly convicted about that myself. could you explain?I feel that dating is fine because I have seen absolutely no indication that it is unscriptural in any way. Sexual immorality is unscriptural, but that is in no way part and parcel with dating. I also have not seen any evidence that it is not possible to keep your heart and motives pure while in a dating relationship.

To be perfectly honest, I am somewhat against the idea of, "courtship." The whole concept of what the word "courtship" means in the Christian culture these days has to do with Christians creating labels because they think something is bad. Dating=bad... BOO! But wait... Christians have to have some way to hook up, because otherwise no one would ever get married and have children. Therefore, we created our own brand new definition with for the word "courtship," which did not originally mean the same thing as the current Christian Conservative view of it.

The only reason there is a negative connotation attached to the word, "dating," in the first place is because we, as Christians, have made it so. We also interpret dating as necessarily having to follow a specific model - that of guys and girls going out alone together and spending lots of unsupervised time alone with each other. The problem with believing in this model as the definition of dating is that it is simply not true. A typical dating scenario, for example, could be described as follows:
Guy picks girl up. If she lives at home, he will may go inside to greet her parents.
The two go out to dinner; the guy generally pays.
After dinner, they do some other activity such as a movie.
After the movie, maybe they get ice cream.
At the end of the date, guy drops girl off and then goes home.
Notice in this scenario that there is no making out in the car (logically, there could be making out in the car... but this scenario is one where they keep their relationship pure, so they won't be doing that) or, for that matter, any actual time alone - restaurants and movie theaters are public places. There is no problem with this sort of activity. Also realize that a lot of people go on group dates, where these activities are done not by one couple, but by a group of young people together. People going out together in this manner are also not limited to doing just that. There's nothing that says that if you are going on dates with someone, it means that you aren't also having him over for dinner with your family or having him visit with you in your home with your parents and siblings on a regular basis as well. But no matter how wonderful your family is, sometimes ya just need to get out.

Another important thing to note is that two people who are involved in a "dating" relationship need not actually go out on activities that can be defined as "dates" with any frequency or regularity. When you say, "I am dating so and so," or, "Yeah, we're dating," that means that you are involved in a relationship. It does not necessarily refer to the method and process by which you are persuing that relationship. Only the current Conservative Christian culture puts limitations on that term in regard to the means by which a relationship is being persued.

So, in summary, the problem I have with the idea of courtship is that it places emphasis in the wrong area. It assigns labels to specific sorts of activities and says, "This model of persuing a relationship is good, while this other model is bad." No... the emphasis should not be placed in what activities you are doing, but rather on keeping a relationship pure and God-centered regardless of what you do together.

The current conservative Christian definition of the courtship model, as I understand it is as follows:
The young man comes to visit the young woman in her home, under the supervision of her parents. He spends time getting to know her along with her family, but the two never spend time alone together. This is done solely for the purpose of finding a spouse, and it is not done at all until both parties believe they are ready to select a spouse. Presumably also, when they do decide to get married, they first obtain permission from their parents.

There is nothing inherently wrong with following this specific model for people who want and have the means of doing so. Of course, even if you are doing it that specific way, you could still say you are dating the person. The point, though, is that it does not have to be done exactly that way... doing it other ways is not wrong or un-Biblical by any stretch. Plus, there are a lot of things about this model that are either impractical or impossible for young people to follow. For example, I don't live at home. I haven't lived at home for five years, and my parents don't even live in the same state. By the time most people are "ready to get married," they DON'T live at home any longer. You also have to consider that not everyone has Christian parents, and not everyone has parents who it would be good to have too actively involved in the process of selecting a spouse. Ideally, yes, your parents and family should be involved. Practically, that is not always possible or smart.

But now I am digressing... The point here is that the important thing is to behave in a Godly manner regardless of how you are persuing a relationship. There is nothing wrong with going on dates or even with defining your relationship as a "dating" relationship, even if there are not very many actual dates being had. There is nothing wrong with spending time with someone and getting to know them, even if you are techincally unsupervised. As long as you have appropriate boundaries and keep them, it's good. Another important thing is to have pure motives for persuing the relationship in the first place. It is unrealistic to say that you must only persue relationships with the intent of marriage. If this is what is understood, it can put a lot of pressure on the relationship from the start. That may be the ultimate goal, but stating it from the beginning will just make things akward. Besides, you can go on "dates" with people who are just friends, purely for the reason of enjoying their company. There is nothing impure or improper about that.

[Lost Dreamer]

The current conservative Christian definition of the courtship model, as I understand it is as follows:
The young man comes to visit the young woman in her home, under the supervision of her parents. He spends time getting to know her along with her family, but the two never spend time alone together. This is done solely for the purpose of finding a spouse, and it is not done at all until both parties believe they are ready to select a spouse. Presumably also, when they do decide to get married, they first obtain permission from their parents.

Very well spoken. I think the problem for me is that your defiinition of coutrship and dating are slightly different than mine. But it also depends on wich method of the definition you use.
Way back when Laura Ingals was growing up, when young adults courted it was in the format you said---the entire purpose was to eventually get married. Young people, at average, were more gronw-up and responsible then, and got married at a younger age. When they got married they would normally still beliving at thier parents house; so the whole thign was normal and natural.
The definition of courtship i've learned, from family and church, is a bit different. also is my definition of dating---which as far as i know is the worlds definition. I think thats why it struck me as maybe wrong when you said, flat out, dating is a perfectly fine thing to do. some people have different definitions on that word, like most of the non-christians i know. Thank you for explaining that all to me; i know its important to hear others views and understand the why's. And though i may disagree with you on the 'dating is an okay thing to do', your base point rings true.

The point here is that the important thing is to behave in a Godly manner regardless of how you are persuing a relationship. There is nothing wrong with going on dates or even with defining your relationship as a "dating" relationship, even if there are not very many actual dates being had. There is nothing wrong with spending time with someone and getting to know them, even if you are techincally unsupervised. As long as you have appropriate boundaries and keep them, it's good.

I understand what you are saying and i belive you are right---though personally i would not say dating, in and of itself, is okay. As far as i know dating implies few or little boundries---or simply not thinking about them. Courtship to me is dating with boundries, and maybe a bit more supervision or retraint. :)

[jesus_narnia_freak7]

I have a friend who is a little insecure and suffers from depression, and I don't think she gets a lot of support from her family at home. So whenever she thinks a guy likes her, she immediately goes head over heels for him, and then when he asks her out, she immediately says yes, and then a week later they are making out in the courtyard after school and she's telling him that she loves him. She doesn't even really care who it is..it could be a drugee or a gang member who asked her out.. anyways, then about a month or two later, he breaks up with her and shes so emotionally unstable for another week, and she sinks even lower into depression. Then the cycle starts over again. No matter how hard all of her friends try to talk to her about it (me included) she just stays strong in the opinion that shes 100% sure this guy loves her and that she loves him. SHE'S 15 YEARS OLD. She doesn't need that in her life. And this year, once she got her new boyfriend halfway through the year, they got really close. And you know what she told me in June, before the school year ended? That she and her boyfriend had talked, and she was sure she loved him, and that she was going to give herself to him a few days into the summer break.

I haven't talked to her since the last day of school, but I tried to talk to her and show her that she doesn't need to do that to make him love her every day on the bus ride home. I don't know if it sank in, but I truly hope she listened to something I said.

Hey how's your friend doin?
I've been praying for her

[Aravis Kenobi]

I dress really modest but fashionable as well. You can go the mall and find great clothes that arn't open. Most of my clothes are from Abercrombie and Fitch, but they are really modest. Nothing is open and no part of my skin shows. I guess everyone has their own definition of 'Modest'.

Wow, I finally found someone who dresses modestly. I have a hard time finding clothes that fit and are modest. I think there's definitely a way to dress modestly and still be in trend.

[Lucy the Marshwiggle]

Wow, I finally found someone who dresses modestly. I have a hard time finding clothes that fit and are modest. I think there's definitely a way to dress modestly and still be in trend.


Of course especially since long shirts and layered clothes are "IN". Also the fashion from the 60s is coming back in and it doesnt show any skin at all!!

[The First Joke]

Of course especially since long shirts and layered clothes are "IN". Also the fashion from the 60s is coming back in and it doesnt show any skin at all!!

thank goodness! sanity is restored!

[Lucy the Marshwiggle]

thank goodness! sanity is restored!


Yupp its true. Five years ago it was all about 'skin'. Even though I NEVER show any skin. I just dont like showing it. I sort of have a style of my own, and people like that about me. :D

[jesus_narnia_freak7]

but we still have to be careful with tight

[Neevil]

but we still have to be careful with tight
Yup, that too. A lot of the styles I don't even like... most of them I think are ugly. The clothes now aren't flattering at all. Unless you're like a size 3, they make you look fat. I can never find any clothes that I like... maybe I should just give up and wear my LotR costume all the time :rolleyes:

[Aravis Kenobi]

I use the layered look, and it doesn't look too bad. Try this: find a long sleeve shirt that has some sort of pattern on it, then find a tanktop that matches one minor color on the shirt. Then, layer it, but instead of buttoning the long-sleeve top, just button one button, and it's really cute with jeans.

[Lucy the Marshwiggle]

I use the layered look, and it doesn't look too bad. Try this: find a long sleeve shirt that has some sort of pattern on it, then find a tanktop that matches one minor color on the shirt. Then, layer it, but instead of buttoning the long-sleeve top, just button one button, and it's really cute with jeans.

I do that ALL THE TIME! It is really really cute, and no skin shows! :)

[Aravis Kenobi]

I know. I like to do it, but my wardrobe's limited.

[Lucy the Marshwiggle]

I know. I like to do it, but my wardrobe's limited.


What do you mean? :confused:

[Aravis Kenobi]

What do you mean? :confused:

Well, I don't have a lot of tanktops (only like four) and I don't have a lot of the stuff to like layer and things like that. Partially because my parents can't afford it. Has anyone worn a halter top with a short-sleeved shirt underneath? I've wanted to try it.

[Mar]

yeah...lol...that works!

but now they have this thing called Pure Fashion..heres the website:http://purefashion.com/

[Aravis Kenobi]

Thanks for that link. That's cool.

[Lucy the Marshwiggle]

Well, I don't have a lot of tanktops (only like four) and I don't have a lot of the stuff to like layer and things like that. Partially because my parents can't afford it. Has anyone worn a halter top with a short-sleeved shirt underneath? I've wanted to try it.


Nope I havent tried that, but if you match the right colors im sure it will look really nice. :)

[Aravis Kenobi]

BarlowGirl has done it, and on Alyssa (one of the Barlow sisters) it looks good.

[Lucy the Marshwiggle]

BarlowGirl has done it, and on Alyssa (one of the Barlow sisters) it looks good.


Oh really? Then you should totally try it! :)

[Aravis Kenobi]

I've been trying to, but the halter tops I've found are extremely clingy and small, and even the X-large is very tiny.

[Son of Adam]

OK...as a Pastor I have dealt with it all. I've heard it all and pretty much seen it all as well. I used to teach this to young adults and teens. There is a bit of math involved in the area of staying away from pre-marital sex. Let's take a look real quick.

Most of you out there have probably heard time and time again about the Bible saying or God saying "Thou shalt not...." many times when it comes to the subject of purity. I heard it as a teen until I was sick of it, from the pastor to teachers, to mainly my parents and grandparents. So we hear about it from friends, we can see it in the movies, on TV, on the Internet if we desire and we look and say, "Hey they seem to be having a great time." Sex must be wonderful....and it is...within the bonds of marriage.

Now let's take a look at some math. What is good about having sex?

1. Feel really good
2. Feel close to the other person
3. And did I mention that it feels good?

Well that about sums up the first question. Now let's take a look at the math when not remaining pure goes wrong which it generally does sooner or later.

1. Partner doesn't respect you anymore as you are no longer pure. You have been conquered.

2. Partner just wants you for the sex.
3. Pregnancy...Un-oh...a whole bunch can now go wrong.
4. Abortion and its aftermath
5. Sneaking behind your parents backs to get it done
6. Suffering severe depression after it has been done

Or you decide to keep the baby - no abortion

7. Parents and family lose respect for you and the whole family is in turmoil.
8. Boy can't afford to financially help you or the baby.
9. Have to drop out of school
10. Friends you used to have don't come around much any more
11. Reputation is ruined
12. Your plans to graduate from high school and go to college are now over.
13. Who will take care of the baby if you need to go and find a job.
14. Having to subsist on welfare in order to make it
15. Money needed for diapers, formula, baby clothes, furniture, etc.
16. Little chance for that career you wanted happening anytime soon.

Give the baby up for adoption.

17. Good plan but still results in much of what was already said about reputation, etc.
18. Never knowing your baby
19. Always wondering how and where your baby is.

Don't get pregnant? Still problems

20. AIDS
21. Other STDs

Using Comdoms?

22. Condoms leak and break. Two studies done by the U.S. Dept of Health and one done by Health Dept in Great Britain showed that on human testing 10% of those using condoms still contracted AIDS because of leakage or breakage and 5% of women became pregnant from the same results. No perfect. Yes condomes are 90% effective, but are you willing to chance that you won't be one of the 10%?

So let's take a look at the math. Good things about not remaining pure=2

Bad things that can happen=22 and I'm sure if I thought about it I could come up with a few more.

You see God, who is our Heavenly Father doesn't want us not to have sex. He created it, not just for procreation but for human pleasure. But He set bounderies. God isn't trying to stop us from enjoying sex, He is being a good Father and trying to protect us from having those negative things from happening to us.

[Aravis Kenobi]

Wow, that's a good post. I've committed to staying pure, but it's really hard with the fact that skin is in. I don't want to be a statistic.

[jesus_narnia_freak7]

That so brings it into perspective. I knew a lot of that but had never thought of it all together. I am so glad I've commited to purity all through

[Aravis Kenobi]

That so brings it into perspective. I knew a lot of that but had never thought of it all together. I am so glad I've commited to purity all through

Definitely, me too. I was reading about abortion today in science, about the different ways that are used, and I was saddened and mortified! How and why could anyone do that to a young person? It's just sad. I think one reason there are so many abortions is because of premarital sex. If people would pledge purity until their marriage, I'm sure a lot of babies wouldn't die.

[Copperfox]

Well, since the gloves are off, I have something to add.

Much of the sexual immorality going on today is like a self-fulfilling prediction. What I mean is that movies and music videos try to convince you that _everyone_ is having sex at every possible opportunity. Seeing and hearing this relentless message, a youngster--especially a boy--can begin to feel, subconsciously if not as a reasoned-out idea, that he is the ONLY boy left anywhere who _hasn't_ gotten in on the action yet. So, not wanting to feel inferior to his peers, he scrambles to find an opportunity. What's more, if girls turn him down, he may feel that he is the ONLY one they are turning down; that they do it with every other boy who asks, but are maliciously singling out him in particular for unjust humiliation. Thus we get not only promiscuity, but a growing undercurrent of inarticulate resentment among the less-lucky. I believe that many assaults happen because a boy or man feels he has been "cheated," and wants to "punish" young women for humiliating him. This is not an excuse for the assailant--there IS NO excuse for sexual assault--but I'm saying it is a phenomenon that can happen, and should be taken into account.

[oxford girl]

I'm comited to being pure to, my parents got me a promise ring I where it all the time

[oxford girl]

Have you guys ever read every young womens battle, its realy good and it talks about staying pure

[jesus_narnia_freak7]

I love that book

[Aravis Kenobi]

I've been wanting to read that book.

[LifeMaiden]

There seem to be quite a few young female forum members here though, who speak about having boyfriends. What exactly defines a 'boyfriend' if you're being celibate and staying pure? Is it a guy that you do things with more than other guys or girls? Because at my high school long ago, when someone said "boyfriend" it meant someone they were sleeping with.

[QueenSusanofNarnia]

There seem to be quite a few young female forum members here though, who speak about having boyfriends. What exactly defines a 'boyfriend' if you're being celibate and staying pure? Is it a guy that you do things with more than other guys or girls? Because at my high school long ago, when someone said "boyfriend" it meant someone they were sleeping with.
Now it's just about going out to movies and such, at least at my age (13-14).
"Boyfriend and girlfriend" are no longer always meaning you're sleeping together, it just means that you're going out on dates. I'm not exactly sure about older teenagers (15-19) but I know that for younger kids (especially 3-9) it just means that you're "gonna get mawried"...I heard a lot of that while working at a camp!

Also - when someone says they're sleeping with someone, it isn't always true. It could be just to get attention of some sort.

'Boyfriend' is just a term a girl uses - very - frequently to define her closest guy friend, who she also happens to be snogging. :rolleyes:

[~Grateful * Surrender~]

But purity is not just of boddy but of mind as well. If you are a virgen and all that is great but if you pack you rbrain with pictures and music that counteract that, one it maes it a lot harder and two it hurts you.

[QueenSusanofNarnia]

That's exactly right.

[Aravis Kenobi]

QSON: what you said about someone saying that they're sleeping with them could be for attention is true. Also, someone who says that they have a "boyfriend" could be their term for a close guy friend. It also has the other meanings as well. I think dating is useless from 10-17

[LifeMaiden]

Now it's just about going out to movies and such, at least at my age (13-14).
"Boyfriend and girlfriend" are no longer always meaning you're sleeping together, it just means that you're going out on dates. I'm not exactly sure about older teenagers (15-19) but I know that for younger kids (especially 3-9) it just means that you're "gonna get mawried"...I heard a lot of that while working at a camp!

Also - when someone says they're sleeping with someone, it isn't always true. It could be just to get attention of some sort.

'Boyfriend' is just a term a girl uses - very - frequently to define her closest guy friend, who she also happens to be snogging. :rolleyes:


Well then that term has changed since 25 years ago. There were several girls at my Catholic high school that got pregnant...adn that was no Immaculate Conception, trust me. :D

[Into the Wardrobe]

Nightmystic, your post rocks!

When I say boyfriend it means someone I'm dating, has nothing to do with sleeping with someone. I'm staying pure as well and sex is only for marriage. Others may define it differently, but if we all make a conscious effort to make it known that the words of boyfriend and girlfriend are not linked to sex, the semantics in society may change some. It's good to make sure we're all on the same page though with what we mean when we say things. Good question Lifemaiden, I'm glad you asked. I think society has changed the conotation of a lot of words in the last 30 or 40 years.

Props to all of you young people staying pure. Don't give up on that! Even more props to the older people who are single staying pure till marriage...that's even tougher (believe me I know)!

[Shadeslayer]

I think its awesome that there are so many people who WANT to stay pure. But its sad that there are some out there who are afriad to say it. I'm 16 and I want to stay pure for that one girl God has brought into my life. So keep it going everybody:D

[oxford girl]

QSON: what you said about someone saying that they're sleeping with them could be for attention is true. Also, someone who says that they have a "boyfriend" could be their term for a close guy friend. It also has the other meanings as well. I think dating is useless from 10-17

I completly agree with you, I dont even want to date till I'm out of collage, I'll be twenty be then.

[WilliamMoseleyismine]

I'm 18, never had a boufriend, never been kissed, never held hands with a guy, AND PROUD OF IT! I'm probably the cleanest person at my school. . .

[WilliamMoseleyismine]

I think its awesome that there are so many people who WANT to stay pure. But its sad that there are some out there who are afriad to say it. I'm 16 and I want to stay pure for that one girl God has brought into my life. So keep it going everybody:D
There needs to be more guys like you in the world. Kudos to ya!

[oxford girl]

I'm 18, never had a boufriend, never been kissed, never held hands with a guy, AND PROUD OF IT! I'm probably the cleanest person at my school. . .


I'm 15 but it's the same for me

[Lucy the Marshwiggle]

I'm 18, never had a boufriend, never been kissed, never held hands with a guy, AND PROUD OF IT! I'm probably the cleanest person at my school. . .


Same here, and Im 16. :) Im probably the cleanest person in my school as well. Everyone at my school has had several boyfriends but EVERYONE at my school respects me for now having a boyfriend. :p

[Lucy the Marshwiggle]

Well, since the gloves are off, I have something to add.

Much of the sexual immorality going on today is like a self-fulfilling prediction. What I mean is that movies and music videos try to convince you that _everyone_ is having sex at every possible opportunity. Seeing and hearing this relentless message, a youngster--especially a boy--can begin to feel, subconsciously if not as a reasoned-out idea, that he is the ONLY boy left anywhere who _hasn't_ gotten in on the action yet. So, not wanting to feel inferior to his peers, he scrambles to find an opportunityWhat's more, if girls turn him down, he may feel that he is the ONLY one they are turning down; that they do it with every other boy who asks, but are maliciously singling out him in particular for unjust humiliation. Thus we get not only promiscuity, but a growing undercurrent of inarticulate resentment among the less-lucky. I believe that many assaults happen because a boy or man feels he has been "cheated," and wants to "punish" young women for humiliating him. This is not an excuse for the assailant--there IS NO excuse for sexual assault--but I'm saying it is a phenomenon that can happen, and should be taken into account.

THAT IS SO TRUE!! One of my close guy friends was telling me how he thinks he is the only one in the whole entire school that is a virgin, when Im sure that many people in our school are virgins. Like Copperfox said, So, not wanting to feel inferior to his peers, he scrambles to find an opportunity.

[oxford girl]

THAT IS SO TRUE!! One of my close guy friends was telling me how he thinks he is the only one in the whole entire school that is a virgin, when Im sure that many people in our school are virgins. Like Copperfox said,

I know its so sad

[Lucy the Marshwiggle]

I know this girl that used to come to my school who got pregnant. She was one of the best students in my school. She had a 4.0 GPA and was a head cheerleader. Homecoming night came and after the homecoming dance, her boyfriend of 2 years decided to rent a hotel room. After the dance he took her there and we all know what happened there. A month or two later she went to the doctor and found out that she was pregnant. When her boyfriend found out, he broke up with her. Her parents threw her out of the house and now she is ALL alone with no where to go. Her friends don't talk to her and she dropped out of school. She made one mistake and that mistake is going to live with her for the rest of her life. Its really sad.

[oxford girl]

I know this girl that used to come to my school who got pregnant. She was one of the best students in my school. She had a 4.0 GPA and was a head cheerleader. Homecoming night came and after the homecoming dance, her boyfriend of 2 years decided to rent a hotel room. After the dance he took her there and we all know what happened there. A month or two later she went to the doctor and found out that she was pregnant. When her boyfriend found out, he broke up with her. Her parents threw her out of the house and now she is ALL alone with no where to go. Her friends don't talk to her and she dropped out of school. She made one mistake and that mistake is going to live with her for the rest of her life. Its really sad.

That is realy sad

[Aravis Kenobi]

I know this girl that used to come to my school who got pregnant. She was one of the best students in my school. She had a 4.0 GPA and was a head cheerleader. Homecoming night came and after the homecoming dance, her boyfriend of 2 years decided to rent a hotel room. After the dance he took her there and we all know what happened there. A month or two later she went to the doctor and found out that she was pregnant. When her boyfriend found out, he broke up with her. Her parents threw her out of the house and now she is ALL alone with no where to go. Her friends don't talk to her and she dropped out of school. She made one mistake and that mistake is going to live with her for the rest of her life. Its really sad.

It is sad, but unfortunately, it was her choice to do it. I feel sorry for her, and it's even more sad that her parents kicked her out instead of trying to help her not do it again. do you know what happened to her? Did she keep the baby? I think that if you allow yourself to succumb to temptation, then you should be willing to live with the consequences. Again, don't take this as I'm being hostile to the girl; I'm not. But if you have the willingness to have pre-marital sex, then you should be willing enough to live with the consequences your choice leaves you. Elindar, that's awesome that you shared that. It's not often a guy will be brave enough to admit he's a virgin. I hope that's true for every guy in my church. I wish more people would admit they're virgins. If you've had premarital sex and know it's wrong, know that you're forgiven. God forgives you I think even before it happens. That's His nature. What you need to do if you've done it is to confess it before Him and your parents, though you may suffer harsh results. If you do, and you know that God's forgiven you and you've pledged to no longer give in to that until your wedding night, then congratulations.

[Lucy the Marshwiggle]

It is sad, but unfortunately, it was her choice to do it. I feel sorry for her, and it's even more sad that her parents kicked her out instead of trying to help her not do it again. do you know what happened to her? Did she keep the baby? I think that if you allow yourself to succumb to temptation, then you should be willing to live with the consequences. Again, don't take this as I'm being hostile to the girl; I'm not. But if you have the willingness to have pre-marital sex, then you should be willing enough to live with the consequences your choice leaves you. Elindar, that's awesome that you shared that. It's not often a guy will be brave enough to admit he's a virgin. I hope that's true for every guy in my church. I wish more people would admit they're virgins. If you've had premarital sex and know it's wrong, know that you're forgiven. God forgives you I think even before it happens. That's His nature. What you need to do if you've done it is to confess it before Him and your parents, though you may suffer harsh results. If you do, and you know that God's forgiven you and you've pledged to no longer give in to that until your wedding night, then congratulations.


I understood you completely sis! :) Her best friend who is in my 2nd period class told me that she had the baby. I mean she is to blame because she did go through with pre-marital sex, but I also respect her for not having an abortion.

[Aravis Kenobi]

I understood you completely sis! :) Her best friend who is in my 2nd period class told me that she had the baby. I mean she is to blame because she did go through with pre-marital sex, but I also respect her for not having an abortion.

Good for her. I'm glad she decided to have the baby. Abortion is a horrible thing. Trust me, you don't want to know the methods of abortion; it sickened me to my stomach and saddened me at the same time.

[Lady Chloe]

I learned about them a while back and I don't think I EVER want to hear them again! They are disgusting! They treat babies like they are nothing!!! Like they are a piece of trash!

[oxford girl]

Good for her. I'm glad she decided to have the baby. Abortion is a horrible thing. Trust me, you don't want to know the methods of abortion; it sickened me to my stomach and saddened me at the same time.


I know what you mean, three of my cousins have had kids out side of marrige

[oxford girl]

I learned about them a while back and I don't think I EVER want to hear them again! They are disgusting! They treat babies like they are nothing!!! Like they are a piece of trash!


I know, it makes me so mad, esecial since in some arias girls in highschool are encuraged to have an abotion if they get pragnet

[Lady Chloe]

My eldest sister has 4 children and the 5th is on her way. The last two have been outside of marriage, and my older sister, who's 19, is one of those girls who you would expect to have had like 3 children by now. It's horrible!

[Lady Chloe]

I have a friend who had a baby boy last April and believes that she is pregnant again. I worry about her......

[Aravis Kenobi]

That's so sad. :( you would think people learn from their mistakes.

[Lady Chloe]

I know. What's worse is that, as her Christian friend, I don't know what to do. She's entrusted me with information.

[Aravis Kenobi]

It sounds like you're in a tough spot. What if your friend was being abused or sexually abused? She told you, what do you do? Do you keep it a secret and let it continue? Or do you tell a pastor or someone you trust (not a young friend) the truth and risk losing her friendship? There's an episode of Full House that's very relevant to this issue. Stephanie is faced with a choice: her friend has told her that his dad hits him, yet he doesn't want Stephanie to tell anyone. Stephanie wants to do what's right, but doesn't want to break his trust. She finally decides to tell her uncle, who proceeds to call the authorities. Stephanie felt horrible, but in the end, decided that it was best for the father and son. If you want to do the right thing for your friend, you will have to tell your parents, a pastor, someone in authority who is a Christian and who you trust. Pray about it, and seek guidance from Scripture. God will make it clear to you what you need to do.

[~Grateful * Surrender~]

I know. What's worse is that, as her Christian friend, I don't know what to do. She's entrusted me with information.
it is hard I know to confront someone but as a christian it is our duety.

[WilliamMoseleyismine]

Narnia_Jesus_Freak7: Have you ever heard of the Neochaticuminal Way? It is based off the quote from the bible in your sig. It is an awesome thing! It's all about renewing your baptismal rights. I think everyone reading this thread should see if there is a community near you! (if you join, you'll understand what I'm tlaking about) Every three years you get to go to a different country to see His Holiness at World Youth Day! I've been to two, and they were life changing experiences. Stay pure Y'all!

[Lucy the Marshwiggle]

I know, it makes me so mad, esecial since in some arias girls in highschool are encuraged to have an abotion if they get pragnet
I know at my school they encourage an abortion so that no one gets pregnant. It disgusts me!

[Aravis Kenobi]

I know at my school they encourage an abortion so that no one gets pregnant. It disgusts me!

I don't really think abortions will stop you from getting pregnant. Wouldn't the answer be to encourage abstinence?

[Lucy the Marshwiggle]

I don't really think abortions will stop you from getting pregnant. Wouldn't the answer be to encourage abstinence?

Yes that would be the answer! They do encourage abstinence but for people who just go around fooling around with like every person they see, they say abortions are better than getting pregnant. Ugh it disgusts me. :rolleyes:

[Aravis Kenobi]

Then those schools that hand out condoms. That bugs me. They're encouraging that by doing that thing.

[oxford girl]

Then those schools that hand out condoms. That bugs me. They're encouraging that by doing that thing.


I know. I'm so glad I'm not in pubilc school

[Ephinie]

Then those schools that hand out condoms. That bugs me. They're encouraging that by doing that thing.They think they are helping by taking the attitude that teenagers will do it anyways, so it is best to make sure they have safety available.

[Aravis Kenobi]

They think they are helping by taking the attitude that teenagers will do it anyways, so it is best to make sure they have safety available.

I know! That's what I was trying to say. How about the schools start sending the message, "hey, this isn't acceptable, and it has consequences, so don't do it. Don't cause yourself a lot of heartache and grief." Man, sometimes I hate the public school system. Makes me glad I'm homeschooled.

[Lucy the Marshwiggle]

I know. I'm so glad I'm not in pubilc school


Public schools do not hand out condoms! :eek:

[Sir Benjamin the Lion]

No, but they do encourage it. When a problem arises, it will not just go away. You must met it head on. For Ex: I see abortion as wrong. I mount my trusty steed and then yell at the top of my lungs, "FOR THE LION!!!!" (Or God)

[Lucy the Marshwiggle]

No, but they do encourage it. When a problem arises, it will not just go away. You must met it head on. For Ex: I see abortion as wrong. I mount my trusty steed and then yell at the top of my lungs, "FOR THE LION!!!!" (Or God)

Yes they do encourage condoms. My health teacher(2 years ago) used to always saw to the class, "If you are going to be sexually active please go and buy a box of condoms." Instead of saying run away from being sexually active, she promoted it. She was saying this to a bunch of 9th graders!! :eek: :rolleyes:

[jesus_narnia_freak7]

Yeah it makes me sick

[Ephinie]

Not every public school hands out condoms (probably only a very small fraction does), and a lot depends on where in the country you live and what school district you are in. For example, I would be very surprised (shocked, in fact) if the school district here in Missouri where I live was handing out condoms. I have known of it happening, however, in certain school districts in certain places where I used to live. Something to remember about "the public school system" is that there really IS NO ONE public school system. There are a certain amount of Federal guidelines and laws, but there are as many systems as there are states and districts. What state one lives in combined with what sort of area one lives in (urban vs. rural) is going to make a huge difference in what sort of public school experience one has.

[Aravis Kenobi]

Public schools do not hand out condoms! :eek:

Yeah, in some schools that happens. I know that happens in Texas.

[oxford girl]

Yeah, in some schools that happens. I know that happens in Texas.

And New York, I dont live there I just know

[Reepicheep the Mouse]

And New York, I dont live there I just know

lol i'm homeschooled. but yes, it is appalling....

[Copperfox]

Here's a tip for you as you await your knight in shining armor. Do not assume that, when this gallant knight first comes into sight, his attention will immediately be fixed upon you. His attention may be focussed on some noble purpose entirely separate from enjoying romantic satisfaction, even the most pure-hearted satisfaction. You may find yourself winning his love, not by saying in effect, "Hey! Love me!"--but by joining in his worthy cause. The way to end up eye to eye with him could be by starting side by side with him.

[Neevil]

They think they are helping by taking the attitude that teenagers will do it anyways, so it is best to make sure they have safety available. But instead, they are sending teenagers the message that sexual activity is acceptable and carries no stigma.
I think everyone (not just the public school syetem) has this attitude. They seem to think, "Teenagers will be teenagers." They act like the stupid stuff most teens do is just an unavoidable part of growing up. I'm not just talking about sexual activity, but everything. And yet, they wonder why drinking, smoking, drug use, premarital sex, cussing, etc, is so prevalent. And when you do come across a teen who behaves acceptably, it's shocking. They'er like, "OMGosh! You're so mature! Why aren't you bad like everybody else???" They have such a low expectation of teenagers, they're surprised when one does NOT misbehave. I think if people would expect more of teens, they would live up to that expectation.

[~Grateful * Surrender~]

I think everyone (not just the public school syetem) has this attitude. They seem to think, "Teenagers will be teenagers." They act like the stupid stuff most teens do is just an unavoidable part of growing up. I'm not just talking about sexual activity, but everything. And yet, they wonder why drinking, smoking, drug use, premarital sex, cussing, etc, is so prevalent. And when you do come across a teen who behaves acceptably, it's shocking. They'er like, "OMGosh! You're so mature! Why aren't you bad like everybody else???" They have such a low expectation of teenagers, they're surprised when one does NOT misbehave. I think if people would expect more of teens, they would live up to that expectation.

I couldn't agree more. One thing that i find rather interesting is that in 1963 the year after prayer was taken out of schools, the pregnancy rate for girls under fifteen increased from 5,000 per year to 27,000 per year, and SAT scores plummeted. Since then, violence exploded and drug use skyrocketed. A mere coincidence? I don't think so. :eek:

[The First Joke]

i don't think so either. there is no such thing as a coincidence.

[Neevil]

I couldn't agree more. One thing that i find rather interesting is that in 1963 the year after prayer was taken out of schools, the pregnancy rate for girls under fifteen increased from 5,000 per year to 27,000 per year, and SAT scores plummeted. Since then, violence exploded and drug use skyrocketed. A mere coincidence? I don't think so. :eek:
Hmm.. that's interesting, I've never heard that before.

[Aravis Kenobi]

If the school would take a stand against impurity, then there would be less high-school dropouts, fewer pregnancies, etc..

[Copperfox]

It may be distasteful to think of this, but the period of decline since prayer in schools was banned has also seen an enormous increase in sexual relationships between teachers and underage students. The sacred bond of trust between the adult and the not-yet-adult is part of what has been discarded by "liberation."

Consider all the TV shows and movies which depict teenagers as all having sex 25 hours a day. Do you think it's teenagers who are WRITING all those scripts and directing the productions? I seriously believe that there are a lot of warped men my age in the entertainment industry, who use the shows they create as a way to fantasize THEMSELVES having sex with teenagers.

[Aravis Kenobi]

*shudders* No, unfortunately, they don't show the real side of what happens afterward.

[~Grateful * Surrender~]

it is a sad reality in our day and age but also in the past years there have been more and more young people who are realizing the importance of purity and taking that stand.

[Son of Adam]

it is a sad reality in our day and age but also in the past years there have been more and more young people who are realizing the importance of purity and taking that stand.

I'm either understanding something wrong in your statement above or else it is written incorrectly. You seem to imply that it is a sad reality that young people are wanting to be pure and taking a stand to be that. Please clarify for me a bit.

[Miss Freckles]

Here's a tip for you as you await your knight in shining armor. Do not assume that, when this gallant knight first comes into sight, his attention will immediately be fixed upon you. His attention may be focussed on some noble purpose entirely separate from enjoying romantic satisfaction, even the most pure-hearted satisfaction. You may find yourself winning his love, not by saying in effect, "Hey! Love me!"--but by joining in his worthy cause. The way to end up eye to eye with him could be by starting side by side with him.

that's a cool statement =)

[~Grateful * Surrender~]

I'm either understanding something wrong in your statement above or else it is written incorrectly. You seem to imply that it is a sad reality that young people are wanting to be pure and taking a stand to be that. Please clarify for me a bit.

I was agreeing wiht the other who had posted before me that it is a sad reality that so many young people squander thier purity. However it is reather encoreging that in the past few years young people have also seen the need for purity and are taking a stand for it.

[Twilight]

Waiting till marriage is the way to go, is how I see it. God wants us to wait till we're married because that's what it was meant to be like. It avoids all the stress, hurt, and not to mention possible STD's and STV's, oh, or an unplanned pregnancy. Why waste virginity on that when so much is at stake? I think it will be very worth the wait. ;)

[Lucy the Marshwiggle]

Waiting till marriage is the way to go, is how I see it. God wants us to wait till we're married because that's what it was meant to be like. It avoids all the stress, hurt, and not to mention possible STD's and STV's, oh, or an unplanned pregnancy. Why waste virginity on that when so much is at stake? I think it will be very worth the wait. ;)


I totally agree with that, and wish that more teens thought like us.

[Neevil]

Waiting till marriage is the way to go, is how I see it. God wants us to wait till we're married because that's what it was meant to be like. It avoids all the stress, hurt, and not to mention possible STD's and STV's, oh, or an unplanned pregnancy. Why waste virginity on that when so much is at stake? I think it will be very worth the wait. ;)
I totally agree. If you don't wait, there are tons and tons of bad stuff that can result. If you do wait, then you will not have to worry about any of the bad stuff. Also, I think your future marrage will be very blessed if you and your husband both stay pure for each other. Logically, it is just a much wiser choice to wait.

[ArrowsOfSilver]

You should always be in love.
That's why you should never get married.

[Neevil]

You should always be in love.
That's why you should never get married.
Huh? what do you mean, exactly? Could you explain a little bit more please?

[ArrowsOfSilver]

In this day and age, love can't last unless it is always kept fresh. How is this accomplished in marriage?

[Neevil]

In this day and age, love can't last unless it is always kept fresh. How is this accomplished in marriage?
Hmm... by "fresh" do you mean we should be continually "switching" lovers, so we always have somebody "new"?

[ArrowsOfSilver]

Once something is fully understood, it's automatically dead to you.

[Twilight]

In this day and age, love can't last unless it is always kept fresh. How is this accomplished in marriage?

Well, I wouldn't know from first hand experience or anything, lol, but I suppose it's because when you marry someone, hopefully it's not just about how they make you feel. It should be deeper than that; you should love them for who they are, love them because you can't imagine spending your life without them, and all that. My teacher read from a magazine that that 'fuzzy feeling' or the 'spark' in romantic relationships lasts, on average, a few months to two years.

[ArrowsOfSilver]

Well, I, for one, believe that if someone fully understood the concept of love, it would mean nothing to them.

[Neevil]

Once something is fully understood, it's automatically dead to you.
I disagree with that. There are so many things, that as I learn more about them, I just love them more. Like God for example. The more I learn about Him and from Him, the more reasons I have to love Him. Also, I do not think we can understand anything fully.

[ArrowsOfSilver]

My nature doesn't allow me that luxury.

[Neevil]

My nature doesn't allow me that luxury.
Which luxury? Understanding things fully :confused:

[ArrowsOfSilver]

The more I understand something, the less I enjoy it because it seems like old news.


That's why I perfer paganism.

[Twilight]

I disagree with that. There are so many things, that as I learn more about them, I just love them more. Like God for example. The more I learn about Him and from Him, the more reasons I have to love Him. Also, I do not think we can understand anything fully.

*nods* I agree with that.

[Neevil]

The more I understand something, the less I enjoy it because it seems like old news.


That's why I perfer paganism.
Truly good things just keep getting better and better.

[ArrowsOfSilver]

If you pretend to be good, the world takes you very seriously. If you pretend to be bad, it doesn't. Such is the astounding stupidity of optimism.
-- Oscar Wilde.


A man who's words I strongly believe.

[Neevil]

If you pretend to be good, the world takes you very seriously. If you pretend to be bad, it doesn't. Such is the astounding stupidity of optimism.
-- Oscar Wilde.


A man who's words I strongly believe.
But I said truly good things. That guy said if you "pretend to be good." If you have to pretend to be good, then you obviously are not good, you're just pretending to be. If something only looks good, and you pay attention to it, (like that guy said) then you will probably find out that it isn't really good at all. It's just pretending to be good. This will most likely result in dissapointment. After all, you thought it was going to be really great, but it turned out it wasn't.

If, however, something is really and truly good, (and not just pretending) then you will find increasing joy and happiness in it. After all, as you learn more and more about it, you will find it is just as good as it was before. This we result in continued happiness.

[ArrowsOfSilver]

Life is too full of hardship to be one hundred percent good.

[Neevil]

Life is too full of hardship to be one hundred percent good.
Well of course life is not 100% good! There's only one thing in the whole world that is completely good! But even though life isn't all good, there are definately good things in life. I think being married, (if it is to the right person, of course) is one of these good things. I'm not anywhere close to being married, so I can't speak from experience on this :rolleyes:. However, in all the truly good and godly marrages I have seen, the spouses loved each other just as much on the day they died, as on the day they got married.

[ArrowsOfSilver]

Really?
What reality are you from?

[Neevil]

Really?
What reality are you from?
LOL That's something I've never been asked before.

I think marrage is a very good thing, when it is done in the way God designed it. Unfortunately, our society has marrage so screwed up very few are actually "good." However, there are still quite a few people who have good and godly marrages. When marrage is carried out the way God intended it to be, it is very good. And for this reason, it will be just as good from the beginning to end. Truly good things (like marrage) are worth wating for. That's why I'm going to stay pure, and wait for my husband. :)

[ArrowsOfSilver]

When I am faced with a decision, I will do what I think is right.
The Mother loves me. :]

[shortangel]

i think i might know what you are talking about but lets see if i'm correct, are you talking about being pure before marriage or pure in modesty???

[ArrowsOfSilver]

They're talking 'no sex before marriage.'

[Neevil]

i think i might know what you are talking about but lets see if i'm correct, are you talking about being pure before marriage or pure in modesty???
Well we were talking about being pure before marrage... but earlier in the thread they were talking about mental purity, and modesty, too.

[jesus_narnia_freak7]

This thread is for anyone who has questions or wants to share their thoughts (of any kind) on purity mentally, physically, emotionally, and maybe even spiritually.

[jesus_narnia_freak7]

The more I understand something, the less I enjoy it because it seems like old news.


That's why I perfer paganism.
God is so deep we cannot even begin to understand him. No matter how long we spend getting to know him we will not truly understand him.
Well that's my response...

[Neevil]

God is so deep we cannot even begin to understand him. No matter how long we spend getting to know him we will not truly understand him.
Well that's my response...
I agree, but I think even if we did know everything about God, we would not get tired of Him.

[Aravis Kenobi]

I agree, but I think even if we did know everything about God, we would not get tired of Him.

I haven't posted here in forever! Anyway. I agree with Gale and NarniaFreak. God is so, so, so, deep that we can't even begin to think as He does. Yeah, I will admit, the more I get to know something or someone, the more bored I seem to get, but it's mainly curiousity: what will this person reveal next? What will I be shown next? Think of that with God: what will He reveal to me next? What will I be shown next? That's a deep question, one I don't have the answer to.

And, on a side note: purity exists in forms other than sexual abstinence (waiting to have sex until marriage.) Modesty, mental purity, emotional purity, etc... it doesn't just exist in saving sex for the marriage God has intended.

[KathrynJanewayChakotay]

Aravis is right purity goes deeper then abstnence(sp) Your mind body spirit and soul need to be kept pure but how you keep it pure its totally your decison and up to your personal convicitons on what you think is unclean or pure but be sure when you talk about purtiy think about it from all standpoints if in doubt go to the Lord and teh bible he will tell you for sure

[fish_wwjd_frog]

Aravis is right purity goes deeper then abstnence(sp) Your mind body spirit and soul need to be kept pure but how you keep it pure its totally your decison and up to your personal convicitons on what you think is unclean or pure but be sure when you talk about purtiy think about it from all standpoints if in doubt go to the Lord and teh bible he will tell you for sure
Very true, Skyla. However, I think your insightful posts would come across more easily if you used a bit of punctuation. :)

[Lucy the Marshwiggle]

The girls in my youth group were talking about if it is wrong to kiss your 'boyfriend' or not. What do you guys think? Is it wrong or is it okay? Opinions. ..comments?

[Ephinie]

The girls in my youth group were talking about if it is wrong to kiss your 'boyfriend' or not. What do you guys think? Is it wrong or is it okay? Opinions. ..comments?Well, that depends, I think. It depends on how long this person has been your boyfriend, what is the nature of the relationship (is it a serious relationship, or is it a casual relationship?), and how old you are. I, personally, don't think it's right to kiss someone - as in romantically kiss them - unless the relationship is a serious one. And if you're sixteen or so years old, I would have a hard time saying that any relationship at that age could be considered, "serious." That is, I doubt that you'll be dating someone with thoughts of eventual marriage.

But if we're talking about casual, friendly kissing (like on the cheek), I don't see a problem with that.

[unleavened]

Interesting thread.

As for the kissing question, I agree much w/ ephinie. It depend of age and the level of the relationship. The choice is a very personal one. I'm not sure there's a lot of right and wrong about it. It's also cultural (depending on where in the country you live). For example, my family has always been a very physical touchy family, but I know some families who are very attached to personal space. The perameters would be different for the people in each family.

[Ephinie]

I was watching Family Guy earlier this morning, and the episode was sort of bashing the idea of teen purity. Anyways, at one point, Meg convinces Peter to be abstinent. And Peter makes the following statement that I just had to share with everyone here... (specifically LifeMaiden, so I hope she reads this post):

"I'll be as untouched as an Asian woman's turn signal!"

[Copperfox]

Despite the reputation boys and men have for being physically lustful, much of our so-called lust is really a desire to be respected and appreciated. If a boy believes that EVERY other guy BUT him is getting physical gratification, then it can seem to him that his NOT getting any means he is being singled out for extraordinary contempt. But if he can be made to feel appreciated and valued, this may help him to hold off from making physical demands. That is, if he has any decency about him, which I confess some of us guys don't.

A small amount of contact which has a meaning will do more to satisfy a godly man than endless pleasure that has NO meaning. Thus I can truly say that I would rather merely hold hands with my wife Janalee than have hours of the most incredible thrills with a woman I didn't love.

[Ephinie]

Despite the reputation boys and men have for being physically lustful, much of our so-called lust is really a desire to be respected and appreciated. If a boy believes that EVERY other guy BUT him is getting physical gratification, then it can seem to him that his NOT getting any means he is being singled out for extraordinary contempt. But if he can be made to feel appreciated and valued, this may help him to hold off from making physical demands. That is, if he has any decency about him, which I confess some of us guys don't.

A small amount of contact which has a meaning will do more to satisfy a godly man than endless pleasure that has NO meaning. Thus I can truly say that I would rather merely hold hands with my wife Janalee than have hours of the most incredible thrills with a woman I didn't love.So in the context of staying pure, what are some ways that we, as women of God, can help guys to feel appreiciated and respected?

[Copperfox]

One way is to try to take an interest in activities he likes; but of course, if you and he _don't_ genuinely share some interests, you shouldn't be together in the first place.

An important caution is to avoid misapplying the concept of godly "agape" love. Many girls have told some boy, "I love you with the love of Jesus," and then wondered why the boy didn't seem thrilled by this. These girls failed to consider that the attribute of agape love says something for the person who HAS this attribute, but it says NOTHING for the person toward whom the agape love is DIRECTED. Anyone who knows what God's nature is, knows that He loves even the most wicked and stupid of His creatures; thus, being loved by God is no proof at all of any merit. So if you tell a boy, "I love you with the love of Jesus," he may well hear it as, "You have absolutely no value at all, you are less than rat's vomit, but *I* nonetheless will show divine goodwill to you in your worthlessness, because *I* am so saintly and superior."

One non-sexual way to show a boy that he has value to you is to make--not buy, make--a gift that represents you, and is clearly suited to him. My Janalee is accomplished at knitting, and in our short time of courtship and marriage up to now has knitted two very impressive items for me: an afghan and a sweater, both in colors that she knew I liked. If you can't make a physical object, you might be able to plan an event. For instance, if the boy likes horses but doesn't own one, you might get together with his family to arrange some horse-riding activity as a surprise for his birthday.

[Aravis Kenobi]

There's a book I recommend that the girls read: "Saving My First Kiss:Why I'm Keeping Confetti in My Closet" by Lisa Velthouse. It's an excellent book on why saving your first kiss is important. I personally, won't kiss any boy, cheek or lips, until he puts a ring on my finger, and I'm certain he's the one God has appointed for me. :)

[jesus_narnia_freak7]

There's a book I recommend that the girls read: "Saving My First Kiss:Why I'm Keeping Confetti in My Closet" by Lisa Velthouse. It's an excellent book on why saving your first kiss is important. I personally, won't kiss any boy, cheek or lips, until he puts a ring on my finger, and I'm certain he's the one God has appointed for me. :)

That is exactly how I feel.

For those with questions just think If your future husband could watch everything you did how do you think he would feel when you kiss someone. That's basically giving a piece of his wedding present to some other guy :( .

[Lucy the Marshwiggle]

Hmm..very interesting. Thanks for answering my question!! :)

[she-elfwarrior19]

One way is to try to take an interest in activities he likes; but of course, if you and he _don't_ genuinely share some interests, you shouldn't be together in the first place.

An important caution is to avoid misapplying the concept of godly "agape" love. Many girls have told some boy, "I love you with the love of Jesus," and then wondered why the boy didn't seem thrilled by this. These girls failed to consider that the attribute of agape love says something for the person who HAS this attribute, but it says NOTHING for the person toward whom the agape love is DIRECTED. Anyone who knows what God's nature is, knows that He loves even the most wicked and stupid of His creatures; thus, being loved by God is no proof at all of any merit. So if you tell a boy, "I love you with the love of Jesus," he may well hear it as, "You have absolutely no value at all, you are less than rat's vomit, but *I* nonetheless will show divine goodwill to you in your worthlessness, because *I* am so saintly and superior."

One non-sexual way to show a boy that he has value to you is to make--not buy, make--a gift that represents you, and is clearly suited to him. My Janalee is accomplished at knitting, and in our short time of courtship and marriage up to now has knitted two very impressive items for me: an afghan and a sweater, both in colors that she knew I liked. If you can't make a physical object, you might be able to plan an event. For instance, if the boy likes horses but doesn't own one, you might get together with his family to arrange some horse-riding activity as a surprise for his birthday.

Those are some good ideas for waiting..

[Copperfox]

Since I posted the entry you quote above, Jan has knitted another gift for me, a handsome variegated-green ski cap.

In the hope of further encouraging your patience in purity: when a boy sets out with every intention of being decent and chivalrous to girls, nothing will so embitter him as to encounter girls who _claim_ to want a decent boy--but who then reject his efforts to socialize innocently with them, only to turn and throw themselves into destructive relationships with bums. (I call that "the pearls casting _themselves_ to the swine.") If you come into the life of a decent boy who has been scorned in this way, he might well find you a fresh breeze and a ray of sunshine beyond all hope.

[Rosalind]

There's a book I recommend that the girls read: "Saving My First Kiss:Why I'm Keeping Confetti in My Closet" by Lisa Velthouse. It's an excellent book on why saving your first kiss is important. I personally, won't kiss any boy, cheek or lips, until he puts a ring on my finger, and I'm certain he's the one God has appointed for me. :)
Yep. Amen, sister.

[jesus_narnia_freak7]

So how are all you sisters in puryt doing. I'm doing pretty good.

[Spare Oomian]

Hello.:D I'm purely awesome. I never noticed this thread before now.:D

[jesus_narnia_freak7]

I think it has been forgotten for a while but since I'm one of those people who do not let go of things easily I had to pull it out and dust it off.

Plus this is a topic that I think everyone should think about.

[Spare Oomian]

I agree. I take purity very seriously and hold it very high within myself.

[jesus_narnia_freak7]

As do I. It pains me to see so much suffering in our world and some of could be stop just by staying pure.

[Spare Oomian]

Sometimes I wonder why some people find it so hard. It's really not and it works out for the best in the end.

[SOS~]

I am going to stay pure until marriage. But I wish other girls my age could do the same Christian or non-Christian it's just the right thing to do. I hate it when I see girls at the mall wearing skirts or shorts that are REALLY short and all they care about is getting a boyfriend or their first tongue kiss. I know girls at school who let guys touch them anywhere or say anything to them without getting upset. All they do is giggle. It's stupid. And I hope I never became that kind of young lady.

[jesus_narnia_freak7]

I know the feeling especially hard is watching a friend do some of this. Personally I don't view them as young ladies but as immature girls who are trying so hard to grow up in all the wrong ways.

[Lila]

I am going to stay pure until marriage. But I wish other girls my age could do the same Christian or non-Christian it's just the right thing to do. I hate it when I see girls at the mall wearing skirts or shorts that are REALLY short and all they care about is getting a boyfriend or their first tongue kiss. I know girls at school who let guys touch them anywhere or say anything to them without getting upset. All they do is giggle. It's stupid. And I hope I never became that kind of young lady.

I agree with you..

[Solya]

I agree as well. :) Lots of clothes which are in stores now are clothes I'd never wear... they're too short, too revealing, too low-cut, and so on... and then I see girls as young as the age of 11 wear them without a second thought. It makes me see these girls as ladies with no self-respect or self-knowledge, which are thoughts I don't want to have about anyone.

I've got my first actual boyfriend now, at the age of 18. :) He knows that I have set some firm boundaries which cannot be crossed... I want to stay as pure as I feel I should and not get pressured into doing anything against my will... he knows that I am fully capable of refusing to be touched on certain parts of my body, just like I am strong-willed and opinionated enough to explain to him why I don't want this and that... and he's told me that he respects this far more than a girl who'd simply throw herself at him and waste her entire self on him. He also said that he feels he should make himself "deserve" to be in a relationship with me, instead of simply assuming I want to be with him and then treating me as "just another girlfriend" as a result of this assumption. ;) Through staying pure physically, though I do not object to kisses from him, I give us the chance to fully come together emotionally and spiritually first.

And the reason why I don't mind the kisses is because I honestly feel that this is someone I would be able to spend the rest of my life with. :) I feel safe and secure with him... trust him with my life, love him to pieces and know that all of my feelings for him are returned by him full-blast. It's wonderful to share a relationship with someone for as long as you both are mature enough to also look at the "big picture" and respect and love each other enough to be able to overcome the differences between you.

[Spare Oomian]

I agree as well. :) Lots of clothes which are in stores now are clothes I'd never wear... they're too short, too revealing, too low-cut, and so on... and then I see girls as young as the age of 11 wear them without a second thought. It makes me see these girls as ladies with no self-respect or self-knowledge, which are thoughts I don't want to have about anyone.

I've got my first actual boyfriend now, at the age of 18. :) He knows that I have set some firm boundaries which cannot be crossed... I want to stay as pure as I feel I should and not get pressured into doing anything against my will... he knows that I am fully capable of refusing to be touched on certain parts of my body, just like I am strong-willed and opinionated enough to explain to him why I don't want this and that... and he's told me that he respects this far more than a girl who'd simply throw herself at him and waste her entire self on him. He also said that he feels he should make himself "deserve" to be in a relationship with me, instead of simply assuming I want to be with him and then treating me as "just another girlfriend" as a result of this assumption. ;) Through staying pure physically, though I do not object to kisses from him, I give us the chance to fully come together emotionally and spiritually first.

And the reason why I don't mind the kisses is because I honestly feel that this is someone I would be able to spend the rest of my life with. :) I feel safe and secure with him... trust him with my life, love him to pieces and know that all of my feelings for him are returned by him full-blast. It's wonderful to share a relationship with someone for as long as you both are mature enough to also look at the "big picture" and respect and love each other enough to be able to overcome the differences between you.

That's really wonderful that you found somebody who respects your wish to stay pure. That's something I look for in a boyfriend. My guideline is if a guy makes me feel pressured three times then I dump him. It might seem harsh, but I refuse to lose anything until I'm married. I'm alright with kissing, as long as it's not too soon or too intimate. Lips are fine, tongues are not.

[Lucy the Marshwiggle]

I am going to stay pure until marriage. But I wish other girls my age could do the same Christian or non-Christian it's just the right thing to do. I hate it when I see girls at the mall wearing skirts or shorts that are REALLY short and all they care about is getting a boyfriend or their first tongue kiss. I know girls at school who let guys touch them anywhere or say anything to them without getting upset. All they do is giggle. It's stupid. And I hope I never became that kind of young lady.

I agree with part of what you said but I honestly don't think that wearing short skirts or shorts has anything to do with it. I mean, the only thing that clothing comes into play with purity is how OTHERS view you. Even when I do wear shorts or a skirt, guys still seem to open doors for me and treat me with respect. Why? Because I've set my boundries and just by the way you walk and the way you talk, men KNOW how to treat you. By wearing a skirt or shorts, you just seem to attract the eyes of more men, but it has nothing to do with your own personal purity. If you've made that commitment and truly want to follow it, men's eyes are not going let you break that promise. However what you said about the giggling and the touching, that is a WHOLE DIFFERENT STORY. What you said about that is true and I hope I never become like that and I know that I won't and I know that you won't either. The point of this post isn't to tell you that your opinion is wrong, I'm just telling you what I think from my point of view, which is that clothing have nothing to do with one's personal purity.

[SOS~]

I agree with part of what you said but I honestly don't think that wearing short skirts or shorts has anything to do with it. I mean, the only thing that clothing comes into play with purity is how OTHERS view you. Even when I do wear shorts or a skirt, guys still seem to open doors for me and treat me with respect. Why? Because I've set my boundries and just by the way you walk and the way you talk, men KNOW how to treat you. By wearing a skirt or shorts, you just seem to attract the eyes of more men, but it has nothing to do with your own personal purity. If you've made that commitment and truly want to follow it, men's eyes are not going let you break that promise. However what you said about the giggling and the touching, that is a WHOLE DIFFERENT STORY. What you said about that is true and I hope I never become like that and I know that I won't and I know that you won't either. The point of this post isn't to tell you that your opinion is wrong, I'm just telling you what I think from my point of view, which is that clothing have nothing to do with one's personal purity.

I understand what you are saying and I respect your opinion. But I just believe that you represent yourself by the clothes you wear and if you walk down the street with a tank top showing your cleaving you wouldn’t exactly look like someone who was trying to save themselves until marriage. And it also sends a bad message to guys. They will think you are a slut and treat you like one.

Unless you set your boundries and make it clear that you aren’t of course.

[inkspot]

I applaud each of you for such sensible stances regarding your purity of mind and body! Very smart, very refreshing.
:)

If your purity is something you regard as a standard for your life because of the value Christ places on you, that is tremendous. I think this is the attitude Christ would see in you: that you value yourself too much to be treated cheaply because of the great value He places on you.

If, on the other hand, you think you are just "too good" for such behavior, be careful. One reason the Bible gives us to keep our bodies pure is that they are the temple of the Holy Spirit -- not because we're too fine to be touched in and of ourselves, in any way.

This is also the reason, I think, that we should consider modesty in our clothing: not because "clothes make the man" or it's sinful to wear too little, but again, because our bodies are the temple of God's Spirit and as such, deserve to be treated, and clothed, with respect.

If we lived in a society like ancient Hawaii where everyone went around half clothed and no one thought anything of it, then it wouldn't matter if we did the same, and we'd still be respectable. But we live in a society where SEX is huge, and used to sell products and people ... so modest clothing is one way to make clear we are not part of that culture.

I went through a bad time in my early years -- my dad was an alcoholic and very absent as far as the things young girls rely on their fathers for. I had a total inferiority complex, and when I went from the proverbial ugly duckling to the beautiful swan in my 20's, suddenly I discovered that my body was power as far as men were concerned. I could get all the male attention I so badly wanted, just by flaunting it. It wasn't that I wasn't a child of God or was even, necessarily, a person of loose morals. I was just a girl who had never felt pretty before, and was overwhelmed by it. I didn't have the faith you all have, and I went crazy.

I tell you all this for two reasons ...

1. So if you see a girlfriend acting like this, don't just assume that she is immoral or that she is bad or whatever, but think about what it is, in her personal life, which is driving her to act out this way, pray for her, and try to understand ...

2. If someone here is not as pure as they want to be, I want you to know, that doesn't matter to God. You can start being pure right now, and the Bible says you can forget about the past! The things I did in that decade between my early 20's and early 30's are something I came to deeply regret, but as soon as I confessed and received forgiveness from God, they were over and done.

You can get your purity back, and in God's eyes, be a lady again, no question. :)

[Lila]

Wow inkspot!! I've always thought exactly like that but I've never been able to actually put my thoughts into words. You've really read my mind on this topic.

[~Sunnyromance~]

This is a good thread :)

I´ve made purity promises to myself and I´ve kept them :D My friends respect my decisions which makes me really happy.
But here people have no sense of purity. Girls go aorund in skirts that barely reach over their behind and in tank tops so low that if they´d be 1 cm. lower they would flash their whole chest. That looks discusting. Even little girls have started to do so and have even started to make up themselves!
To me that seems to be no sense of purity at all.

Purity is really important I think or at least purity in the sense of not doing anything until you´ve met someone you really love and trust and know in your heart is true.

So go all my sister´s in purity!

[Lucy the Marshwiggle]

I think I didn't quite explain my point clearly in the other post. Okay, my point was that wearing clothing won't change what you think of you (your own personal purity) but it CAN change the way that OTHERS view you. I also didn't mention that when I do wear skirts, I wear leggings under it so that nothing is quite too open. I am very serious about modesty and I do dress modest, but I honestly think that you can't blame someone for wearing shorts or skirts. Yes, if someone does flirt and likes to be touched in intimate parts then you can say that that is putting on a very bad name on purity and the person can't be looked as a person who wants to stay pure. However, if someone wears a short skirt, then you can't say that that person is someone who isn't very serious about purity. Trust me, especially in California its very hard to through the summer and not wear shorts.

[Copperfox]

It is an easy shortcut in issues of purity to say, "Cover up the girls, cover up the girls." I've lost track of all the sermons I've heard about "The eye-gate, the eye-gate!" But there is SO much more to purity than counting the square inches of skin that are visible.

Enormous amounts of prostitution, rape and adultery have existed in societies where the girls WERE covered up. If men think of women as things to be used, having the women muffled in layers of cloth only means that they are things to be unwrapped and THEN used.

In the 25 years I was married to Mary, I never had an adulterous affair, but there were two cases when women tempted me very strongly. NOW PAY ATTENTION TO THIS PART: in both of these instances, the women involved were NOT revealingly attired, and in fact were not so attractive that it would have made the temptation any worse if they HAD been revealingly attired. What had an effect on me was their BEHAVIOR: things like attentiveness, eye contact, ACTING INTERESTED. Sending seductive signals by speech and conduct carries SO MUCH MORE weight than trivial details like hemlines, there isn't even any comparison. LIV TYLER standing in front of me stark naked--BUT NOT ACTING INTERESTED IN ME--would have less tempting effect on me than an average woman picked off the street, fully clothed, but acting as if she expecially wanted to be with me.

I was around in the hippie era. Many of the young female flower children actually went around in LONG dresses...but if they liked a boy, those long dresses would come off so fast that they might as well have been wearing bikinis. The boys didn't need to see extensive skin in advance to know what they wanted.

The shallow, facile "Cover up the girls!" approach is not only useless, it is WORSE THAN useless, because it's like aspirin for a cancer patient--lets you think you've done something that makes a difference when you haven't. Lucy is on the right track: we need to teach young men to respect women as equal human beings who have rights. Piling tons of cloth on women is not what teaches men to respect them; Iran and Afghanistan prove that!

[SOS~]

Hmmm I see you guy's points maybe I should rethink some things:D

But I still believe in modest clothing. I'm not saying go out in jeans in 95 degree weather. I have no problems with shorts either. But just the ones that show a little too much. How can you dress like a slut and say "oh yeah I'm saying myself until marriage"


Copperfox maybe women that act a certain way may appeal you but younger guys (like the ones I mentioned before who touch girls) don't think about the girls personality. All he sees is her body and wearing little clothing makes it seem like you don't care who looks at you and that's like you don't respect your body.

But thats just my view on it.:)

[Jack of Blades]

I suppose purity for me is a little easier.

My mentality is if I feel something is wrong, or I know it's wrong, don't do it. So far I've done much better than lots of my friends, and I've found I'm so much wiser than my real life friends. I see them do something, and I say to myself "Why would you do that?"



I agree with Lucy on the clothing bit. What's not OK, is wearing revealing clothing just to get a rise out of people. Appearance is only the outside, to be a slut, you must act like a slut. To be pure, you must act pure.
It's OK to wear a mini-skirt, but it's obviously not OK to pull a Paris Hilton and step out of a car with your legs spread out, obviously she wanted to show off her genitalia for publicity or something stupid like that. If you're going to have sex, don't film it. Duh.


And of course, as you guys have been saying. It's not only the girls fault that guys lust over girls bodies. Men need to realize that the womanly body is like a work of art, and not an object of lust. Men need to be chilverours, women need to be ladies, pure and modest.
And modest differs from place to place. If you were in France, little clothing at all is modest enough. Obviously if you were Victorian, bikinis and short skirts are not modest.

But since I am a guy, the only extra thing I have to worry about is being polite to women, and men too. But as for purity, I feel I have that under control.
And I once had a purity ring, but I dropped it one day and it broke in half. At first I thought it was a bad omen, but I guess it wasn't.

[Inkling]

A few random thoughts...

*At first, purity on the outside is enough. Well, I haven't had extramarital sex; aren't I being sooooo pure? Then, that's no longer enough as the desire shifts to not only not having sex, but not engaging in activities that head in the direction of sex. After walking with God for awhile, purity of body is no longer where the bar is set. The cleaner we get, the cleaner we want to be. In other words, while on the outside a person can seem to be doing amazingly well in the area of purity, they might think that they're pond scum because they haven't yet brought their eyes, their speech, or their thoughts under control.

*I'm an extremely happily married woman, and it was only after marriage that I learned the true value of purity. It is absolutely the case that anything less creates a bond that's unworthy of any other relationship than marriage. I couldn't imagine creating a connection that strong with 5, 6 (more?) people and I'm glad I didn't carry the baggage of other memories into marriage with me. Beforehand, my obedience was only because that was what was drilled into my head. Intellectually, I knew it was right, but now I understand *why*. I'm not saying that marriage is right for everyone or that God won't have other ways of revealing the reason behind the command; whatever way it happens following the form until the deeper meaning is glimpsed is always worthwhile.

*Quite a bit of discussion has surrounded the role that dress plays in purity; perhaps the eye is a huge stumbling block for young guys (I'll have to confirm that with my resident expert on the male psyche). On the other hand, men play an equally important role in guarding female purity. Any thoughts as to what guys' responsibilities should be in this area?

*Also, isn't it interesting that Christianity had much to do with improving the role of women throughout the world? In a patriarchal culture, Christ showed women he encountered nothing but respect; haven't we been saying that respect is one of the first steps in true purity?

[~Sunnyromance~]

I think I didn't quite explain my point clearly in the other post. Okay, my point was that wearing clothing won't change what you think of you (your own personal purity) but it CAN change the way that OTHERS view you. I also didn't mention that when I do wear skirts, I wear leggings under it so that nothing is quite too open. I am very serious about modesty and I do dress modest, but I honestly think that you can't blame someone for wearing shorts or skirts. Yes, if someone does flirt and likes to be touched in intimate parts then you can say that that is putting on a very bad name on purity and the person can't be looked as a person who wants to stay pure. However, if someone wears a short skirt, then you can't say that that person is someone who isn't very serious about purity. Trust me, especially in California its very hard to through the summer and not wear shorts.

Really good point Lucy. Here where I live it´s cold most of the time and I´m used to being much dressed and therefore when I see people wearing mini skirts or really low tops I don´t like is because I´m used to seeing people dressed up a lot.
But of course in California people have to wear little clothes because of the heat. I mean you wouldn´t go around in jeans and hoodies in 38 degress Celcius ;)
So in this case it´s a cultural difference and a weather one too :rolleyes:

Also what I´m saying is at that around me girls have no sense of purity referring to that they try to meet up with as many guys as possible and go as far with them as possible and think that dating is just a mere game.

And as to say another point: My mom thinks I cover to much up :D I´m going to the USA soon and there I´ll be forced to wear at least shorts.

So clothing is a matter of cultural difference (and weather). You can dress up sexy and be modest at the same time!

[SOS~]

About the clothing part I've always believed that modest clothing and purity went hand and hand. And I still believe that.

[Spare Oomian]

Any thoughts as to what guys' responsibilities should be in this area?


I have a few thought on this. I think it's really about self control and self respect. Sometimes guys put to much on sex, thinking it will make them 'cool' to other guys, which it might. But when it comes to being pure the guy has just as much to gain/lose as the girl does, just in a different way.
But the way I see it is if he really cares about a girl then he's willing to wait. If a relationship is sexual then the two are really just in a physical relationship and it's usually not about much else. But if boundaries are set then the two have a chance to really get to know each other and possibly fall in love. Then if they get married and do become 'active' then it's more special because the other person is only yours and you are only theirs. There aren't any pasts that get in the way and you see each other in a brighter light.

[Lila]

I have to agree with Copperfox and the others on this one. Dressing immodestly doesn't mean that God considers you impure and irresponsible. What I consider impure is acting like you want to have sex with the opposite gender constantly. That's against what God tells us to do and personally, I think it's sinning.

Now, I'm going to stay a little off topic for a moment...
Even though doing all that is sinning, we have to forgive those people and remember that God will forgive them too. What we should really focus on is not how stupid other people are being by doing that, but how we can improve our OWN ways. WE have to consider what sins we are doing that are just as bad or worse!

Anyways, another thing I wanted to say is that clothes aren't something that we should be fussing over all the time. Sure, we should dress with respect to our bodies, but we have way more important things to worry about that have to do with purity.

[Spare Oomian]

Clothes might have something to do with it...but not always. There are some girls that walk around in clothes and I look at them afraid something's going to pop out.:eek: Those girls dress unpure. But short skirts and stuff like that are cute and can make a girl feel pretty, not necissarily sexy.

[Copperfox]

Everything I said about what does and doesn't arouse lust in me was every bit as true when I was 20 years old as it is now that I'm 55. It's fine with me if women dress modestly; I like to see a woman in a FULL-length dress. But wearing a short skirt does NOT make a girl immoral.

[inkspot]

Of course wearing revealing clothes is not immoral. I think I mentioned that before ... but a couple of points deserve to be covered or reiterated.

* I think Shizuka said it: young men are visually stimulated. What they see is what excites them. In a culture where advertising and movies/tv keep boys constantly bombarded with sexual imagery, some of them are stimulated all the time. So, if you show them a lot of your skin, of course that's what they focus on: the physical. I loved that when I was a young woman, and I could turn a lot of heads! But I know that the only reason I was getting the attention was the body, and all the boys wanted was that. It may not be immoral, but it is senseless if you intend to keep your purity. You are not having much repsect for yourself, and you are not making it easy on your brothers in Christ!

* The issue of clothing in our culture is an issue of respect -- for yourself, and for your future husband. When I worked as a scuba instructor in the Caribbean, I was single and ran around in a swimsuit all day -- that was my work outfit, but I didn't bother to cover up much when I wasn't working, either. When I got married, I realized that it would be more respectful to my husband to cover up a little; I was his now, and the other fellows didn't need to get a free show of his woman.

That may sound old fashioned, or as if I am being not a feminist, but in fact, I don't think either is true. I am still a strong woman with my independence, but out of love for my husband, I keep some parts of me for him alone. I still wear a swimsuit when we're diving or sitting on the beach, and a denim mini is one of the staples of my wardrobe, but the really revealing stuff is long gone, out of respect for and love of my man and respect for myself, too.

[Lucy the Marshwiggle]

Copperfox--In the 25 years I was married to Mary, I never had an adulterous affair, but there were two cases when women tempted me very strongly. NOW PAY ATTENTION TO THIS PART: in both of these instances, the women involved were NOT revealingly attired, and in fact were not so attractive that it would have made the temptation any worse if they HAD been revealingly attired. What had an effect on me was their BEHAVIOR: things like attentiveness, eye contact, ACTING INTERESTED. Sending seductive signals by speech and conduct carries SO MUCH MORE weight than trivial details like hemlines, there isn't even any comparison. LIV TYLER standing in front of me stark naked--BUT NOT ACTING INTERESTED IN ME--would have less tempting effect on me than an average woman picked off the street, fully clothed, but acting as if she expecially wanted to be with me.

Wow Copperfox, thanks for this post because it further convinced that there is much much more than just clothing to attract men. And you are right, in Middle Eastern countries women barely show any skin at all, but that still makes them prone to rape and adultery. It was certainly fascinating to learn all this from a man's point of view, because women don't really know what goes through men's heads, so thanks for posting that, it really gave us an insight on what men think.

~Sunnyromance~--So clothing is a matter of cultural difference (and weather).

Oh Sunnyromance I am so glad you brought this up because it is just so true. Some cultures don't care what women wear or don't wear but there are some other cultures that could harm a woman if she shows just too much. I'm half Greek and half Armenian, but my father's side does not like it if I wear any skirts or shorts or whatever. Even in scorching weather, they expect me to be fully dressed (meaning long pants and at least sleeves that cover up some parts of the arm). However, I have been born and raised here so they can't really force that on me, but if anyone does go to Armenia, then you'll see. However, when I went to Greece, it was the TOTAL opposite. Everyone showed a little TOO much, and I wasn't really willing to go to that extent (showing belly buttons and such--that's just not for me). So, yes clothing is a matter of cultural differences.

[Spare Oomian]

On the subject of clothing, sometimes clothes that don't reveal much are the most stimulating to some guys. Sometimes tight shirts and pants that cover everything but hug every little curve can do more than an exposed belly. And how you carry yourself plays a huge roll in this as well, like Copperfox said. Some women just throw themselves at men, and that apparently is more dangerous than wearing a slutty outfit.

But I thank you guys for posting on here, I wish more would. Purity is important to both males and females, and it's good for one to understand what the other is going through. And sometimes it's the girl that is the one providing all the temptation and ideas.

[Doffen]

How does this "clothing rule" apply to men? Is it similar to both genders? I'm just wondering, 'cuz I have no problem walking around shirtless a whole day f.example (Yeah I'm a guy). So yeah, I'm just curious :p

And yeah, I think the statement that guys are more visually stimulated then girls are true, but I also think that girls can be the same way as guys really. A friend of mine is (as the girls call him) really cute (Can't say I agree, but I can see that he's attractive to females). There are LOTS of girls that's interested in him because of his appearance. And yeah, when I'm sitting on the beach, sometimes girls come over to say hi. And I don't think that's because they want to know me as a person any better, really.

I'm alittle confused on what purity is, really. Is purity something you loose forever when you've first lost it? I feel rather impure right now =/

[Spare Oomian]

Purity, in the sence we're talking about it, is virginity. But it's also self respect. (I think that's the right word) You know, being pure the way God intended. Pure of heart and of mind, as well as physically.

And the 'clothing rule' applies to guys in the same way it applies to girls, just in different ways. For instance, if a guy is really muscular and he wears a shirt that shows them all off, that can be stimulating to some girls.

[Doffen]

And the 'clothing rule' applies to guys in the same way it applies to girls, just in different ways. For instance, if a guy is really muscular and he wears a shirt that shows them all off, that can be stimulating to some girls.

Alrighty. So that's a "nono"? wops -.-