Blood, Sweat and Tears

[Elendil]

I'm going to start posting one of my stories, this is the one I want to get made into a movie. Please give me your comments. Be warned it has some drug usadge and violence in it, but the drugs part is important, ummm it puts drugs in a bad light, it doesn't make them seem good or anything. I hope you don't mind. Anyway here goes. (by the way it is set in Aussie) If you think something needs changing or anything tell me. I want critizime!
Also if anyone has details on how to contact someone or a company that would be interested in turning this into a film, please PM me.
Oh and is Blood sweat and tears the name of something else??? I think it might be only I'm not sure.

[Elendil]

The car's brakes screamed. But it was too late brakes would do no good now. The cars smashed into each other, at full force. Glass shattered metal crunched, someone screamed. Then everything was still and quiet.

The drivers of both cars were dead, there was no way they could have survied. The driver of one car was a woman, the other was a teenage boy. Ones blood was full of achole, the other was full of drugs, but it didn't matter now.

It was almost morning when the police and ambulance arrived. After woulds two of the police men were talking.
"That woman," said the first
"What about her?" Asked the second
"She was a drug dealer."
"You sure?"
"Yes," said the first "She was very good at avoiding capture. Her name was Rita, Rita Goodacre."
"You know anything else about her?"
"She has two kids."

[Rhyanidd]

cool........(I have no problem with you putting drugs and violence into the story...as long as the drugs are not considered "ok" and there isnt to much violence...)

[Yoo1029]

it seems cool! keep going!

[Elendil]

The room was dark, the only light coming from a flickering TV, and two glowing ciggeretts. The only sound was the TV, and the ocational clink of a metal drink can. There were three figures in the room, a middle aged man, and two teenagers, a boy and a girl. Each one were holding a beer can and the man and the boy were both smoking.
Suddenly there was a knock on the front door. The girl spang to her feet and ran to the window. "Cops." She said, the boy slid out of the room to somewere outside and the man contiuned watching TV. The knocking was heard again, louder. The girl put the can down and went to open the door.

[Elendil]

The girl lent against the door jam and looked coldly at the cop. "What do you want?" She asked with a sneer.
"I...came to tell you... something." stammered the policeman
"What? This better be important."
"You are Cassady Goodacre?"
"No I'm not. My name is Cassady Dernham. Now what do you want?"
"Is Rita Goodacre you mother?" He asked shifting nervously
"Yea, why?"
"Because I came to tell..."
"Crap! She's not in the pockey again is she!?"
"No...she had a car accident..."
"WHAT?!" The girl almost screamed
"I'm sorry, but she's dead..." his voice trailed off.

[Tatertot67]

Thats the best story ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!! :cool:

[Yoo1029]

dont say that until u give reasons!

[Rhyanidd]

Creepy.......I dont know why but I just said that..hm...oh well keep goin Elidil!

[Elendil]

At the funeral...
“Where’s your dad?” Asked a man learning over and whispering in Sean’s ear.
“At home...” Sean whispered back. “Drunk.”
“Ohhh...”
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
“Sean?” Asked Cassady, watching as the last few people that had come to the graveyard
melted away.
“Yea, Caz?”
“Do you miss mum?”
Sean looked at his sister and down at the grave, and slowly shook his head. “Not much,
do you?”
“A bit, but I’m more worried about Rick, Sean what are we going to do!?”
“I don’t know, go home...I guess.”
“But we can’t! Rick will kill us! He hasn’t been sober since mum died, he keeps trying to
beat us up!”
“I know,” said Sean rubbing a bruise on his wrist. “But there isn’t anything else we can
do! If we tell the cops, they’ll find out everything! Rick will get in prison, and so will
we!”
“Couldn’t we leave?”
“Leave?”
“You know...run away?”
“Where would we go?”
“I don’t know...anywere is better then here! If he tries to beat me up

[Elendil]

Thats the best story ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!! :cool:

Why thank-you!!!

[Rhyanidd]

whooooooooooooooa

[SkAnDeRs_random_QuEeN]

whooooooooooooooa
sounds like a very........lovely story [judging from the title]
its actually quite good
keep up the goodtyping :D

[♣Teh Deviant♣]

WOW, Elindil! :eek:
I actually never read stories here, but this has kept me hooked! Keep it up! Post! POOOOOST! :D

[Elendil]

Sean opened the door to their home, and stepped in. Hoping that Rick was asleep, and they wouldn’t wake him. No such luck.
“Stupid kids!” He yelled, throwing a book at Sean. Sean ducked and it flew over his head.
“Where’ve you been!” He shouted, making a dive for Cassady, she side stepped him, and he fell to the floor, and stayed there. To drunk to move.
“Sean.” groaned Cassady “I can’t keep doing this! It was okay when it was once a week, but this is every day! Please can we leave?”
Sean looked at his sister, and at the man slummed on the floor. “Yes.” He said “We’ll leave.”

[Elendil]

Cassady threw the backpack over her shoulder, and tiptoed out the front door, carefull not to step on Rick who was still unconcious. Sean was already in the garage, astride the motor bike.
He had a helment on, which was unusial for him. But he had said before, they couldn’t
risk a brush with police. That was probably why he had his forged license as well.
Cassady climbed on behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist.
“We won’t be comeing back here, Caz.” Said Sean
“I know.” Said Caz quietly.
“Well then, here we go!” He reved the enguine and drove on to the road. He stopped, and
they looked back at the house they had spent most of their life in, then they drove on.
They didn’t know what was ahead of them, but to them, it seemed almost anything would
be better. They didn’t know how wrong they were.

[Elendil]

2 years later.....
Phil groaned and reached for the phone, he looked at the clock, good greif! It wasn’t even two yet. Who on earth would be calling?
“Hello?” He said
“Hello, is that Phillip Dernham?”
“Yes,” said Phil, “Who is this?”

When he finally hung up the phone Phil dropped back onto his bed trying to figure things
out. How could this possibly happen? In that one phone call, it seemed his whole future,as he imigained it any way, was ruined. Utterly and completly.

[Rhyanidd]

cliffies! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[Elendil]

Phil lay awake in his bed for along time. What was he going to do? His job was six days a week, full time. He had a one bedroom apartment and he was engaded, two weeks ago. How was he suppose to look after two teenages, and from what the woman had said they weren't exectly eger to come.
They didn't sound like the type of kids he'd want to raise either. Apperently they'd both spent time in juvinille detention. They both smoked and drank, and she didn't know for sure but she thought they could be on drugs. He didn't want to take them. But after all he was their father and if he didn't take them, who would?

[Yoo1029]

keep going! :) please, more!

[Elendil]

Phil couldn't go back to sleep so her got up, had a shower and got dressed. He sat down at his table and drummed his fingers on it. It was only four thirty so he couldn't ring up Emma yet.
He ate breakfast, feed his dog and tried to watch tv. Nothing was on. Bother! still only five. Finally he couldn't stand it any more, he picked up the phone and dilaled.
"Emma?"

[Rhyanidd]

what happened? Who are the kids? What going on? Phil was the cop right? I forget who was he?

[Elendil]

"Yes?" asked Emma
"Emma, this is Phil."
"Oh Phil! Hi! What's up?"
Phil pauesd...."Emma...I just got a phone call."
"Yes?"
"...Rita...Rita is dead."
"Rita?...Oh RITA! Oh Phil, I'm sorry, what happened?"
"A car accident,That isn't realy what I was calling about though."
"No?"
"Rita died two years ago."
"She did? I thought..."
"I just found out. I also found out my kids have been living on the street for two years."
"You mean Sean and Cassady?"
"Yes."
"Poor things!"
"Yea well, I have to take them."
"Really? That's wonderful! You tried to find them for years! Now they just get given back to you!"
"...You...you don't mind?"
"Mind?! Of course not! Sean will be what...16 now, right?"
"Yea that sounds right."
"How old will Cassady be then?"
"Ummm...14 or 15 I think."
"That is sooooo wonderful Phil! When do they arrive?"
"Day after tomorrow."
"Great! You're going to need a bigger house!"

[♣Teh Deviant♣]

uh-oh.........THE INTERROGATIONS SHALL BE DRAMATIC! :eek: ;)
go on please.....

[Elendil]

The day-after-tommorrow...
Cassady looked at her brother and grinned. They had the whole back of the bus to themselves. No one would sit next to them, and they were glad of it, then they could talk.
“What do you think Dad’ll be like?” Asked Cassady
Sean shrugged, “I don’t know.”
“Don’t you remember him...at all?”
Sean shook his head, “Not really, I remember he used to give me piggybacks and take me to the park. But that’s about all.” Sean didn’t mention the fights that Phil and Rita would have,he could remember them, very clearly.
“He must look alot different to mum, and he must have blue eyes.”
“Yea,” said Sean “They’re blue.”
“Do you remember what he looks like?” Asked Cassady
Sean thought, hard. “He has, well he did have blond hair, and a beard.”
“What kind of beard?A big bushy one, or something?”
“Naa, it wasn’t bushy, short.”
“Anything else?” Asked Cassady
“He was taller than mum, but that’s all I can remember.”
Cassady sighed, she wanted to find out about her father. She wanted him to care about her
and Sean, but that wasn’t very likely. “Do you think I’ll have to go to school?” She asked
Sean nodded, “You’re not 15 yet.”
“Will you?”
“Naa, I’m 16 remember? Once you turn 15 you can get out.”
“Then end of the year you turn 15.” Caz corrected
“Same thing,” muttered Sean
“No it’s not!” Snapped Cassady “I don’t want to go to school! And no one is going to
make me!”
“It can’t be that bad.” Said Sean.
“Yes it can!” Cassady growled “I haven’t been to school for two years, I’m STUPID!”
Sean turned and faced his sister. “You are not, stupid!”
“Oh yea, give me one good reason why I’m not!”
“A stupid person couldn’t survize on the street for two years! A stupid person couldn’t
drive! A stupid person...” He stopped, he’d been going to say ‘couldn’t deal!’ but he
stopped himself just in time.

[~Grateful * Surrender~]

That is really GOOD! I am picky about what I read and stuff but this sounds great! The only thing is…could you post a sort of description of the characters? So we know more of what they look like so when we read the story we can picture them more the way you do. Just so everyone reading this could have the same images of the kids and Pill and Emma.

[Elendil]

Character Descriptions
Cassady=Caz
Age: 14 1/2
Looks: Tall (5'6 ft) and well musseled, VERY strong for her age. Rather broad shoulders, and doesn't really look to feminine. Long dark brown wavy hair that reaches her waist and blue eyes.

Emma=Em
Age: 30
Looks: Medium height, slender, shoulder length blond hair and blue eyes. She's very lady like and has freckles! :D

Phil=Phillip
Age: 38
Looks: Tall, light brown/dark blond hair, blue eyes. Medium build, looks abit like Sean, not at all like Caz.

Sean
Age: 16
Looks: Shoulder length light brown hair, tall (6 ft), blue eyes, medium build, broad shoulders.

[Elendil]

Caz rolled her eyes, and slouched in her seat. Sure she could read,write and do maths, but she didn't know a thing about History, geography or anything else. But that wasn't really what she was worried about. She was worried about standing out in a crowd, because she knew she would. She knew no one would let their kids make friends with her, and she didn't think any would want to. She was probably right.

About half an hour later the bus stopped. Sean and Caz grabbed their bags and jumped off, amist a crowd of people.
"Sean," whispered Caz
"What?" He whispered back
"Sorry...for yelling at you."
"It's okay, we're both nervious."
"You want to 'put your forks down'?" Whispered Caz
Sean looked around, "maybe not now, or here, there's a cop." He nodded towards a cop.
"We better start looking for Phil." Said Sean
"How?" Asked Caz "We don't even know what he looks like!"
"Good point." Muttered Sean.

[Elendil]

Phil was waiting at the bus stop. He was growing more and more anxcious as the bus pulled up, and everyone got off. He scaned the crowd, looking for two kids he hadn’t seen since Sean was 4 and Caz was 1.
Emma hadn’t come because she had to work, and Phil had had to work in the morning so he still had his uniform on. He was suppose to have reseved an e-mail with photos of the kids so he’d know who was who, but the e-mail wouldn’t down load.

Sean and Caz looked at everyman they could see with blond hair, but not one looked even vagley familiar. “What if we ask the cop?” Grinned Caz
“The cop?” Sean snicked, “he’d probably arrest us!”

[Rhyanidd]

so Phil is a cop.....ok sorry I was just sorta confuzzeled on something earlier....coocoo me be crazy!

[Elendil]

'Okay,' thought Phil 'only 5 teenagers got off the bus, so I have to find out which is Sean and Caz.' Suddenly Phil froze, he'd just seen a mirror image of Rita only younger, and it he confiremed his fears. Slowly he made his way toward her. She was standing next to a guy who was about the same height as himself, and he didn't like the look of.
Good Greif!!! The boy had tattoos up his arms, and shoulderlength dreadlocks, and an eyebrow ring. The girl had seven or eight earrings in each ear, one in her nose, three in one eyebrow and two in the other, she also had one through her lip.
"Hi," He said to the girl. "You must be Cassady."

[Rhyanidd]

wow thats a lot of piercings....

[Elendil]

yep it is!!!

[Rhyanidd]

so do you have any more?(ps this is the first modern day story that I acctually like I think you did an awesome job..and I am very choosy about what I like!)

[glamel]

okay, i better give my opinion now, I actually don't want to give opinion unless the story is finished but i guess, feedbacks are important (Your right Chakal):D

Grace, keep on going, except for some typos everything is going just fine,:D
I'm still reading it, so i can't give anymore feedbacks, but to be honest, it is one great story, i did vote for the poll right? :)
keep on going, like eveready battery, going and going and going and going.....

[Elendil]

Caz shifted her weight from one foot to the other. "Who are you?" She asked
"I'm Phillip Dernham." Said Phil, hoping he hadn't made a fool of himself.
"...you...you...are?" Stammered Sean
"Yep," Phil didn't know what else to say
"You're a policeman?" Asked Caz, evident she didn't or couldn't belive he was.
"I sure am." Said Phil, thinking that the kids had taken an instant dislike to him.
Suddenly Sean smiled. "You don't have a beard!" He grinned
"What?" Asked Phil
"That was about the only thing Sean remembered about you." Explained Caz, "That you had a beard, and well you don't."

[Rhyanidd]

aww...I hope that it goes good!

[♣Teh Deviant♣]

oh so Sean and Caz were the dudes with all those piercings? :eek:
ok this novel just became an instant thriller! :D

[Elendil]

Phil grinned “That’s been gone for years!”
“Sean and I will go and and get our stuff.” Said Caz, “We’ll meet you here in a minute.”
Sean and Caz ran off. Phil noticed Emma’s car pulling up, and went to meet her. He
opened her door and she got out. “Sean and Cassady here yet?” She asked
“Yes,” answered Phil
“Where are they?”
“Getting their bags, Em they’re-well different.”
“Well with you as their father I’m sure they are!” Emma laughed
“I’m serious Em! They are-”
“They are what?” Asked a voice behind him. Phil jumped. “Who’s the b****?” Asked
Caz.
“Sorry Emma,” Said Phil, “You take that back Cassady! Right now!”
“What?” Asked Caz, “What did I say?”
“What?!” Exclaimed Phil, “You just called her a-”
Emma cut him off, “I’m Emma,” She gave Phil an ‘it’s fine’ look. “Emma Norris, Phil
and I are engaged.”
“Cool,” said Sean dummping his bags down

[♣Teh Deviant♣]

oh ohho ohh!!!!!! :eek: :D this is getting spicy! BIZURN! :p

[~Grateful * Surrender~]

Its good...REALLY GOOD! Keep it up and don't stop writing I want to know what happenes.

[Elendil]

“Are you hungry?” Asked Phil
“Why?” Asked Caz, suspiously.
“Because I want to know if you want some lunch.” Said Phil
“Oh, yea, I guess so.”
“Take away or go home and have something?”
Caz looked at Sean, he shrugged. “We can probably, go ummmmmm, home. I want to see what it’s like!”
Phil smiled, “It’s small, it has a kitchen, a lounge, a bathroom/laundry, and one bedroom.”
“One?” Asked Sean
“Only one,” answered Phil “I guess I’ll have to be looking out for somewere bigger.”

[Elendil]

“This is my home.” Said Phil unlocking the door to his apartment. Sean and Caz stepped inside. Phil and Emma remained outside, talking.
“You’re right,” said Emma, “They are different.”
“I’m really sorry she called you a *****, Emma.”
Emma smiled, “Don’t worry about, she didn’t mean anything by it, I don’t think she even
knew it was offinsive.”
This time Phil smiled, “they have along way to go, if they’re going to change.”
“Phil, I don’t think they will change, not soon anyway. Don’t try to change them. They
are different to be sure, but they’ll change of their own accord, not yours. Just love them.
Be a father to them, and I think you’ll be surprized at what happens.”
“You’re probably right Emma, but it’s going to be hard getting used to them. They look
like the kind of people I’d arrest!”
“Looks can be deseving!” Laughed Emma and stepped inside.

[Elendil]

Emma would be right, in the long run, but as it seemed to Phil, things weren't changing quickly enough.
At first he set two rules, 1. If you're going to smoke, smoke outside. (He'd try and break them out of it soon, just not yet.) 2. Don't swear.
Both rules were broken constanly, it seemed to Phil espially the second one. To him it seemed like every second word was F***.
Sean and Caz did try to obey, most of the time, but for them it got VERY hard. They were used to swearing, alot. And Rita had always let them smoke inside, so it was hard breaking the habbit.

[Elendil]

One day Phil came home from work and found Caz on the phone. She started when he walked in and almost dropped the phone. She lowered her voice, and started almost whispering into the phone. Phil folded his arms, and waited for her to finish. Finally she hung up.
“Who was that?” Asked Phil, looking into her eyes.
“A friend of mine.” Said Caz, glaring back at him.
“Who?”
“Someone you don’t know.” Said Caz and started walking away. Phil stopped her.
“What were you talking about?”
“None of your bissness.” Said Caz
“It is my bissness,” said Phil, “you won’t be aloud to use the phone if you don’t tell me what is going on.
“Nothing is going on, it was a friend of mine saying hello.”
Phill was sure it wasn’t all she was talking about, but he let it pass.

[glamel]

no good,:D hahaha, j/k i really don't like reading series,..oh my, can't you just finish it right now Grace???????

[~HoRsEy_gUrL~]

REALLY good, absolutly LOVE it!!!!! Good work! :D

[Rhyanidd]

and then what happens?

[Elendil]

Later that night when Phil was asleep, Sean got up from his bed on the floor and went over to Caz’s room. Phil slept on the counch in the lounge room, Sean on the floor, and Caz had the bedroom.
“Well?” Asked Sean
“I’ve tried everything.” Said Caz, “there’s no way out of it. We said we would, and we can’t change it.”
“But we said that before we came here, before we knew we were living...” He nodded his head toward the lounge room, “With Phil.”
“They won’t change it Sean, I’ve tried everyone and everything!” Exclaimed Caz
“You made it clear, this was the last run?”
“Yea, Brodie wasn’t to happy about it though.” Said Caz
“What d’e say?” Asked Sean, grinning.
“Well if I obey the rule not to swear it went something like this: Beep! Beep! Son of a Beep Beep-Beepedy-Beep-Beep!”
Sean smiled, “What did you say?”
“Nope.” Said Caz
“What?” Asked Sean
“That’s what he said too,” laughed Caz, “When I said ‘Nope’.”
“And?” Asked Phil
“I said I wasn’t the son of anything, BEEPED or otherwise. Then I hung up.”
“Good for you Cassady!” Laughed Sean, Caz reached over and slapped him.
“Don’t call me that!” She smiled
“Of course not, Cassady!”
“Sean!” She pushed him out the door. “Eleven thirty, remember.” she said, “Tomorrow, night.”

[Rhyanidd]

meh you bad girl you said "phil" when you meant "sean" meh meh bad girl! bye

[Elendil]

no good,:D hahaha, j/k i really don't like reading series,..oh my, can't you just finish it right now Grace???????

I can't post anymore as you've read all I've written, I've been posting it as I write it so be awear that it's only a first draft!

[Elendil]

Emma sat down at the computer, trying to think of what to write. She would have to tell her parents that the wedding would probably be a few months away, instead of the origanaly thought weeks.
Phil and Emma hadn’t thought of a date or anything but it would probably have been next month. But now with Sean and Caz, arrived it would probably have to wait a while longer. Emma wasn’t looking forward to this, at all. But Phil had to find another house,sell his apartment, and many other things. So it seemed that the wedding would have to wait.
Dear Mum & Dad
How are you both?
Guess what!
Emma stopped, this was no good. Her parents hadn’t even wanted her to get married to Phil. “He divorced once!” They’d said again and again, “He’ll do it again! To you!”
Emma had tried everything but nothing had worked he parents hated Phil. Certainly theywere polite to him, while he was around, but when he left the changed completly. Emma had know Phil for years, and when they had finally gotten engaged she’d been so excited. But he parents hadn’t been. They’d been unkind, and unfair. But she was still going to marry Phil, anyway. Her parents couldn’t stop her.

[Elendil]

Phil was wondering what he could do to make Sean and Caz look a bit less like kids off the street (wich they were) and more like respectable cidicense (which they weren’t). He was suppose to be doing paperwork, but it was to boring.So he was thinking instead. When he’d asked Sean to have a haircut, he flat out refused. He’d just said ‘No,” and walked off. He’d asked Caz, (he’d lernt that if you called her Cassady she yell at you.) to take out some of her peicing, she’d looked at him and asked: “Why?” Phil had answered: “Because I want you to.” But she’d done nothing.
They both had tattoos, he’d found out, Sean had eight and Caz had three, but he couldn’t really do anything about them. He’d bought them both some new clothes, which they were in sore need of and they had excepted gratefully. They did seem to be smoking less inside the house, and swearing less...kind of. They did try to please him, some of the time.But if he got to pushy or asked to much of them. They would flat out refuse. Emma had been right, it would take along time.
“A VERY long time.” He said to himself, and began on the boreing papperwork.

[♣Teh Deviant♣]

Great, I love how describitive you are! More!

[Elendil]

Caz and Sean were both dressed, and awake at eleven o’clock. Phil wasn’t home yet, as he was working the night shift, which was bad news for Sean and Caz as he would be home in about two hours and they didn’t know whether they’d be back by then. And if they weren’t they could get in trouble, BIG trouble. When the clock struck elven thirty, they heard a car pull up out side the apartment. Sean looked out the window.
“It’s Brodie.” He said, in a moment ‘Brodie’ opened the front door, and gave Sean two backpacks, and an envolope. Sean stuffed the envolope in his pocket, and gave a backpack to Caz. Brodie swore when he saw Caz. Caz swore back.
“See ya,” Said Sean, almost closing the door on Brodie’s face. He and Caz, went out the back door and scaled the back fence into the lane. They then ran for a good kilometer, to the park, which by day was a nice place, but at night turned evil. Sean pulled the envelope from his pocket and ripped it open. Caz lit a ciggerett lighter to see by. Sean studied it for
a few moments, then handed his backpack to Caz. He lit a ciggerett and holding it between two fingers went over to a man slupped, as if drunk over a bench.
Sean nudged the man with his foot. The man instantly sat up. Sean put the ciggerett in his (Sean's) mouth and scrached his left ear with his left thumb, and bit his bottom lip. The man nodded slightly and put his left foot behind his right one. Sean nodded, Caz came over with the bags and they gave him the bags. Then set off home.

[Elendil]

I'm not posting anymore untill I have some more comments!!! :mad: I thrive on comments & complaints!!!

[Rhyanidd]

Meh! Bad girl! WRITE MORE NOW YOU AUSSIE!(you are from Australia right?)

[Elendil]

Oh I'm bad now! Seeing you don't like me anymore maybe I won't post! :p Yep I'm an Aussie!!!

[Rhyanidd]

*evil Glare* I Said Doo It! Or I Might Do Something Really Mean To You In De!

[glamel]

Aha, now a writer is acting like a spoiled brat kid!!! don't forget "little"
now go type some more and try to finish the story, WRITE!!!!

[Elendil]

Aha, now a writer is acting like a spoiled brat kid!!! don't forget "little"
now go type some more and try to finish the story, WRITE!!!!

I'm gana get you Glamel!!!!! :mad: (I can't post anymore, you've read all I've written. I'll post for tomorrow!)

[♣Teh Deviant♣]

BRODIE! :eek: :D ADAM BRODY! (random i know).
whose the d.e.d. guy? :p well um drunk, slumped, high, watever! :rolleyes:
Go on!

[~Grateful * Surrender~]

I loved the way you describe everything. The whole thing with the man and the signals was really great and ...unique too. I know this is not a complement but I would try and describe just a bit more. I mean the dialogue is great but the description is a bit lacking. But that is just my opinion so don't let it get to you.

[Elendil]

Phil wasn’t back when Sean and Caz got home. Which was good news for them. They went to bed and were asleep by the time Phil got home, so he didn’t notice anything. The next night they did the same thing, and for four more nights after that. The Last night was Phil’s night off, so they refused to go. Brodie swore at them, untill they told him if they did they would probably get found out.
Phil meanwhile at work, had been told of a HUDGE rise in drugs, all over the city. The dealers now seemed to have an endless surply. This worried Phil, to know end. He was worried about Sean and Caz, he knew they weren’t on drugs, but they’d said they’d smoked Marajan before, and he didn’t want them getting it that again. So he was keeping a close an eye on them as possible.

Sean and Caz knew Phil was watching them. It was getting harder to sneak out, as he was coming home earlier. One night just as Brodie came to the door. Phil’s car pulled up.Sean and Caz didn’t relize untill Caz saw him. He was leaning on his car watching them. Caz knew she had to do something or they would be found out, so without hesitation she flung her arms around Brodie’s neck and kissed him full on the lips.

[glamel]

looks like, i kinda knew her plot, hahahaha:D

[~Grateful * Surrender~]

hey smart move. That same thing sorta happened in one of the episodes in 24.

[Elendil]

Sorry Glamel but you have NO and let me repet NO! idea. What is gana happen has never happened in real or fiction life!!! :D

[glamel]

hahaha!, okay, post more :p :)

[Elendil]

Brodie seemed starteled for a moment, but he saw Phil out of the corner of his eye and returned the kiss, passionatly. Caz was grimazing inwardly, but she didn’t let it show.
“Enough,” whispered Caz and pulled away sharply pretending to see Phil for the first time.
“Caz what are you doing?!” Exclaimed Phil, striding over to Brodie. “Get out of here!”
He sneered. Brodie didn’t hang around. “Inside,” said Phil to Sean and Caz. “NOW!”
“Caz!” He exclaimed once inside. “What were you doing?”
“What did it look like?” Asked Caz, smuggly. She was a good actress.
“How long has he been here?” Asked Phil angrily.
“About ten minutes.” Answered Sean
“That’s all?” Asked Phil, makeing certain.
“Yes.” Answered Sean and Caz at the same time.
“Good to bed.” Said Phil, visably trying to control his anger. “And don’t you ever go near him again. Understand?” Caz mummbled something. “What did you say?” Asked Phil.
“I said, I’ll kiss who I want, when I want.”

[Elendil]

“You really fooled him.” Said Sean, while he and Caz were talking later that night, after Phil had FINALLY gone to sleep.
Caz made a face. “That was probably the grossest thing I’ve ever done.”
“Hmmm, maybe not.” Said Sean
“What do you mean?” Asked Caz
“Maybe he really likes you!” Sean laughed. Caz hit him, but he continued. “Maybe you like him!” Caz kicked him.
“Sean?” Said Caz, becoming serious. “Do we have to keep doing this? I mean, I hate it!”
Sean nodded. “I know. We’ve almost finished this run, and when we have it’s over forever!”
“But Sean I don’t want to finish this run! It’s awful! We are giving people the means to destroy themselves! You saw what it did to Mum, and now we are helping people ruin themselves! I don’t want to do it Sean! I hate it! I HATE IT!”
“I know,” said Sean, quietly. “I know.”

[Elendil]

Is this enoungh...or do you like it and would like to see some more? :confused:
Oh yes and Seeing you know the plot glamel, lets hear what comes next!!!

[Charn_Tim]

Phew, I just finished reading through the story, from start to finish :)

I think this is an excellent start to the story, and I would love to hear the end of it. Other than some minor grammatical and spelling errors which are expected in a first draft, I think it is wonderful. The plot is complex, full of irony, and interesting and the dialogue is also very well done. Furthermore, it's a very believable story yet still exciting to hear about.

I have only one piece of constructive criticism ;): it seems like Caz and Sean get a guilty conscience a bit too suddenly. All along, it seems like the reason they don't want to keep going out with Brodie is because they are afraid they are going to get caught, rather than because they think it's actually wrong (especially in posts 45 and 49). You might want to give us more glimpses into their thoughts so we can see the slow change going on inside their head and heart, especially before Caz says, "We are giving people the means to destroy themselves! You saw what it did to Mum, and now we are helping people ruin themselves! I don’t want to do it Sean! I hate it!" It just seems like it might be too sudden of a change of character.

I also am very interested in finding out what happens from Emma's perspective, with the marriage and her relationship to her parents. I also want to find out more about what's going to happen with the connection between the increase in drug activity and Sean and Caz's involvement, with the added complexity of Phil their father trying to track down the criminals.

Keep it up, Grace, you're doing great!

[Rhyanidd]

Its really cool! I like Caz shes cool......hmmm...Dunno

[Elendil]

The next morning Phil was in a sour mood. He left for work angry and when he came home Sean and Caz weren’t there. He waited for one hour...then two...and then three. It was one o’clock. Finally he couldn’t stand it. He got out his car and drove around the block, no sighn of them, he drove around for half an hour. Then went home, hoping they’d be back by then. They weren’t. He rang up Emma, hoping she might know something, she didn’t. She offered to go out and look for them, but he said not to. She said she’d keep an eye out.
Finally in a last attempt he called the nearby hospitals, and the police station. Nothing. He could’t call out a search untill they had been missing for 24 hours. He found he was missing them very much, and he was worried. Not about himself, what would happen if they were arrested or anything. He was worried about THEM. What if they were hurt? What if they’d been bashed or kiddnapped? He was finding he cared alot about his kids. Cared too much. Maybe even loved them.
At three he driffted off into an uneasy sleep, at four he woke up. He heard the back door open. He sprang out of his chair, and ran to the door. “Sean! Caz!” He cried seeing them stumble in the door. He stopped, something was wrong, very wrong.

[Charn_Tim]

Darn these horrible stopping points! :)

I really liked how you give us glimpses into the the thought life of Phil here. It's really cool that we get to see what he's thinking and feeling. It feels like the reader can really connect with him. Great job, again, I'm anxious for more good stuff! :)

[Rhyanidd]

cliiiiiiiiiiifffies?! nooooooooooo!*sobs* This is worse than a good book when your mom makes you do chores! AND ITS WORSE BECAUSE THIS IS SOO FREAKIN GOOD! NOW please post moore! preety preety please!

[Elendil]

Sean, there something was wrong with Sean. He had one arm around Caz’s shoulder, and was leaning heavily on her. Then he noticed it. Blood.
Blood everywere. Sean was dreanched in it. Caz had alot on her, but it was Sean’s, not her’s. Sean stagered, Caz was barley able to hold him. “Phil!” She cried, in desperation. Phil grabbed Sean just before he fell.
“Caz!” Yelled Phil, “Call the ambulance! NOW!” Caz hesitated for a moment, “NOW CAZ!!!” Yelled Phil, Caz nodded, then ran to the living room. She pulled the phone off the hook and dialed 000.
Phil tore Sean’s shirt off. BLOOD. Then Phil noticed it. Bullet wound. He knew what it was, he’d seen the like before. He pulled his shirt off and pressed it against the wound,trying to stop the flow. “Caz!” He shouted “Caz! Get me some towels!”
“F***!” Exclaimed Caz hanging up the phone and racing into the bathroom, and grabbing all the towels that were there. She ran back to Phil and handed him the towels.
“Is the ambulance comeing?” He asked
“NO!”
“What?! Why not?!” Cried Phil
“They’re both out! We have to drive!”
Phil groaned, and picked Sean up. Caz grabbed the keys, and held the front door open.Phil struggled with his load. Caz open the car’s back door. “Get in.” She said
“I have to drive.” Said Phil wincing with the weight.
“No,” said Caz, “I’m driving.”
“What?”
“Just trust me, Phil okay?” Said Caz her eyes pleading. Phil nodded, and got in.

[Rhyanidd]

come on more more! You know what this is so not fair since in a book I can keep reading but on the internet I have to wait for you..grrr..:mad:...lol

[Elendil]

Caz was a good driver, but on that trip Phil was sure she broke every single road rule.From not wearing a seat belt, to driving on the wrong side. She was speeding the whole time, Phil winced, this was dangerous driving, a police man’s worst nightmare.
Caz seemed only stoped once at a red light, she was driving one-twenty k’s in a 60 k zone. She drove on the wrong side, if there were to many cars on the right side. She swearved to miss different cars, and she went through just about every red light, but not once did she almost crash. Infact she was the best driver Phil had ever seen.
They were almost at the hospital, when Phil first heard the sirens. “B***** COPS!” Caz sneered. “Errr...sorry Phil, forgot you were one.” She pulled over and got out of the still running car. The police men got out.
“She’s just a kid!” Said one
Caz sneered at him. “I’m trying to get to the hospital!”
“Why?” Asked one of the cops.
“Look in the back!” Growled Caz, hoping back in the car. The police man looked.
“Phil!” he cried in surprize, “What are you doing here?!”
“Like Caz said,” Yelled Phil, “Trying to get to the hospital! Be an escort Sam! Get the cars out of the way!”
Sam seemed to take in all the blood for the first time. He nodded and got in his car. Caz was on the road again in a moment. It was only two blocks to the hospital, and there were some paramedics, and nurses waiting for them, when they got there.

[~Grateful * Surrender~]

WOW!!!!!!!!! The action begins and it's great!!!!! You are really good...really good.

[Charn_Tim]

It's going great so far, Elindil!

I have made the first part of your story into a pdf file, uploaded here for people to see, so we can read the whole thing through without having to go back through 8 pages of posts :). The whole story was too big to put into one file, so I have uploaded the first 11 pages here (through post #77). After you have posted more, I will compile the next set and upload it again, so it will be easier to go back and read :)

[Charn_Tim]

First of all, you always stop at the most suspenseful moments; you're devious! :D I really want to find out why Sean has a bullet wound...

After reading it over again, I had a couple of questions about the plot:

1) In the beginning, Caz is worried about going into school, but we don't find out if they both have to go to school or not. Or maybe are they in summer so school is not in session yet? Are we going to find out how Caz adjusts to school?

2) It seems a little out of character that Phil would let Caz drive Sean to the hospital when she doesn't have her license or anything. I would think that perhaps he would want to drive instead. (Just my opinion).

3) Lastly, I am curious if we are going to get some more background on Phil's past-like why he divorced Rita and seems to have started a new life for himself. Is it maybe because he became a Christian, so he felt like he had to get away from Rita, a drug dealer, and start a new life for himself?

So far, I really like the dialogue of all the characters and I really enjoy how suspenseful the plot is. It really is enjoyable to read and the pace moves very quickly. I also like how you've been giving us more insights into what they have been thinking. It makes things really interesting!

[~Grateful * Surrender~]

Charn_Tim is right. Back ground on Phill would be really nice and the thing about caz driving...unless she gave him no choice like she started driving off without him and he had to jump in or something like that. but it IS really GREAT!!!

[Rhyanidd]

I DONT BELIEVE IN PATIENCE ELINDIL! lol...anyway yes awesome! and Charn_Tim is right we need to know some of that info...:D

[Elendil]

In the waiting room Phil noticed for the first time that Caz, was hurt to. Not very badly,but bad enough to hurt. She hadn’t said anything about it at all. Two of the fingers on her right hand, were swollen and bruised, and she had a nasty looking cut, just behind her left ear.
“Phil,” said Caz, slowly. “Phil...do...you...think...Sean’s gaga be okay?”
Phil didn’t say anything for awhile. “I don’t know.” he said finally “I don’t know.”
Phil looked at Caz, she reminded him so much of Rita. She looked so similar, infact almost exactly the same. She acted like Rita too. She seemed to know everything, nothing seemed to worry her. Nothing but Sean, that is.
Rita had been just the same. Cool and calm about everything. She never worried about anything except Tim. But after what had happened to Tim, her world seemed to fall apart. She’d blamed it on Phil, she divorced him. Phil wondered if Caz lost Sean, the same thing would happen over again.

[Rhyanidd]

aww!(10thingy)

[Elendil]

aww!(10thingy)
What mean u RF????U...U don't like it? :eek:

[Rhyanidd]

I mean your so dang good that you got the emotion down so well!

[Elendil]

Oh yes I'm VERY WONDERFUL EXTEMLY BRILLIANT. Aren't I?
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww... :D ... :D

[Rhyanidd]

*smug smile* theres a party IN LPG!

[Elendil]

Timmy. Phil could remember him so well. Little round Timmy, freckled, always smiling face, strawberry blond hair. Phil ran his hand through his own blond hair. He’d always hated the red tint in it, so he always dyed it. He remembered that horrible day, even though he tried not to. But it wouldn’t go away, it never had. The park, the ball, the truck, and the horrible ‘crunch’. Phil groaned. He didn’t want to remember.
Phil felt a hand on his shoulder, and heard a voice. Caz. “Phil?” She asked, “Phil, are you okay?” Phil nodded, but he wasn’t okay. He’d lost one son, he didn’t want to lose another. He turned and looked at Caz. That was when he relized something.
“Caz,” he said. “I’ve got to go.”
“Go where?” Asked Caz, Phil could see she wasn’t okay either.
“You don’t need to know, I probably won’t be back for a while.” Phil got up, and started walking away. But then he stopped and turned. He pulled his mobile out of his pocket, and handed it to her. “Here,” he said, “Call Emma and tell her what happened.” Then he took his wallet out of his pocket and gave it to her. “You’ll probably need this” he said, “Caz, I’m warning you, there is going to be alot of cops here soon. Don’t tell anyone I said this, but they’ll be looking for you” Caz nodded.
When Phil was gone, Caz dillalled a number on the phone. But it wasn’t Emma’s.

[Elendil]

“Hello?” She said
“Hello.” Answered the man on the other end. “Who is this?”
“It’s Caz, Brodie.”
“Caz! Where the b***** hell are you?!”
“I’m in the hospital.”
“Holy s****!” Roared Brodie “What are you doing there?!”
Caz hesitated for a moment. “Sean’s...Sean...”
“Sean what?”
“He got shot.”
“Shot?!” Exclaimed Brodie, “Who shot him! Why’d they shot him. Not the cops,
surely?!”
“Not cops,” Said Caz. “But I don’t know who it was.”
“Did you see them?” Asked Brodie
“Yea,” growled Caz, “I saw them.”
Brodie paused. “Did something happen to you?” He asked
“They only broke two of my fingers, and smashed a peice of wood against my skull.”
“How many?” Asked Brodie
“Two.” Said Caz, “Only one had a gun.”
“What kind of gun?” Asked Brodie
“Oh blow!” Exclaimed Caz, “How should I know! T’was a rifle.”
“Did they get the...ummmm...cargo?”
“Yes,” said Caz, “It was all they were after. I told you!”
Brodie groaned. “I know! I should have done something! Next time I’ll listen to you Caz.”
“Next time!” Caz snorted, “There won’t be a next time!”
“Is Sean really that bad?”
“YES!”
“I’m sorry Caz...” Said Brodie, and then he hung up.
Caz growled. She dillaled Emma’s number...“Emma?” she asked when someone picked up the phone.
“Yes, is that Caz?”
“Yes!”
“Caz where are you? Phil’s been looking...”
“I know!” snapped Caz, “We’re at the hospital. Phil knows that. Sean’s hurt.”
“How?” Asked Emma. Caz hung up. Shoved the phone into her pocket and darted out of the hospital.

[Charn_Tim]

Oh, geez, Elindil, why do you do this to us!? You leave us hanging at the most suspenseful moments! :)

So, you named Phil's other son after me, huh? :D

The story's going along great! I like how you give more of Phil's background, and now I'm really curious to know more about Timmy and Rita and how Tim's death affected Phil. Also, nice parallel with Rita-Tim and Caz-Sean. That's a really cool idea, and I'll be looking forward to how that plays out later on...

[glamel]

????? what's next?????
do we have to post a lot of comments before you post more ha? GRACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
POST MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and as much as possible don't stop until the story is finished!!!! :p :D

[Elendil]

Emma was surprized at Caz, but she got in her car and drove to the hospital. On the way there she noticed police cars. Lots of them. They were stopping cars and checking the occupants. They sifted threw the cars, and checked the boot. There were lots of sniffer dogs.
When Emma got to one of the road blocks, the policeman asked her to hop out of the car. She did. She opened the boot for one of the cops, who was a friend of Phil’s.
“Jackson,” she asked him. “What’s going on?”
“Search.” He answered
Emma rolled her eyes. “I know that! What for? Drugs?”
“Partly,” Answered Jackson.
“And the other part?”
“We are trying to find some people.”
“Who?” Asked Emma
Jackson looked at Emma and smiled. “You should already know.”
“What?” Asked Emma puzzeled
“Senior Constable!” Called Jackson, “Over here.” The senior constable came over. “I think,” said Jackson, “that we may have someone of use here.”
“What?!” Exclaimed Emma
“How?” Asked the senior costable.
“Step mother.” Said Jackson
“I’m nobodie’s step mother!” Cried Emma
“Well,” said Jackson, “She’s engaged to Phil.” The senior constable raised an eyebrow.
“Bring her along then.” He said
“What for!?” Cried Emma
“Questioning.”

[Elendil]

Do you guys think, that what I've put about how Timmy dies... is enough? I mean do you think it explains it enough without going through all the detail???
Questions & Comments, Always welcome!!!

[Charn_Tim]

Yes, I think what you explained about Timmy is enough to tell us how he died, I think that's very sad :(. But I think I'd still like to see some more background on how that experience changed Phil. Did that wake Phil up to realize how he had married a drug dealer and get back on track with his life? or did he stil want to be married to Rita? It seems like there should be a point where Phil really becomes changed from being someone who would marry a drug dealer to a respectable cop and loving father....But, maybe your still getting to that...:)

Of course I think it is excellent so far, and I am anxious to read more!

[~Grateful * Surrender~]

It is really great! I think just keep iluding to it and th readers will put the peices together.

[Elendil]

Okay thanks guys! (Yes tim-very sad you die!)

[~Grateful * Surrender~]

okSO what is going to happen next??? Come on, don't leave us hanging!

[Elendil]

Sean’s eyelids fluttered open. Hospital. He thought hard, trying to remember what had happened.
The drugs...The man in the park...He’d not been there...there were two others...One had a gun...Sean remembered the searing pain in his stomach, where the bullet had hit him.One of the men had hit Caz...with a peice of wood...Caz had kicked him...in the shin...Hard...The man had tripped... Caz pushed him over...and kicked him in the face... The other man had tried to hit her on the head... with the gun but...she’d dodged...but got the blow on her fingers...Sean had heard them crack... Caz had screamed...and dogded
another blow...The men had grabbed the backpacks...and that was all Sean could remember.

[Elendil]

Caz stopped, panting in an ally. Things were bad-Real bad. A drop of blood ran down her neck. She touched the swollen cut behind her ear. It probably needed some stiches, but it would have to wait. She looked at her fingers. They were swollen, and purple, she couldn’t move them. She sank down, crying. It was about six o’clock and the sun was just comeing up.
What if Sean died? What would she do? She didn’t have anyone else...Except Phil...Did he really care about her and Sean? She thought hard. How could she tell if he cared? She began going over things in her mind.
He’d given the money for clothes. He’d cared enough about her to stop a ‘love’ interest, he didn’t think was suitible, or that she was to young for. Phil had still been up, waiting for them, when they got back. He’d cared enough about Sean to stop the bleading, he’d picked Sean up. He’d carried Sean, to the car. He’d relized Caz needed to drive. She had had to
do something, and drive was the only thing she could have done. He’d warned Caz, because he knew the cops were comeing. He’d given her the phone, and his wallet.
“The wallet!” Caz exclaimed, and pulled it out of her pocket with her good hand. It was a thick wallet. The kind that people keep, everything in. Caz emptied it into her lap. There was some money, one hundred and seventy five dollars. Caz pushed it back into the wallet. When she did she felt the corner of something. She pulled it out. It was a photo.
It was a photo of seven people, two women, one was Rita, only a whole lot younger, then Caz remembered and not ruined by drugs. There were two men, one was Phil, the other looked alot like him, and there were three kids. Rita was holding one, wrapped in a blanket and very small. Caz guessed it was Sean. The other was a little boy she knew was Timmy. The brother she’d never known. Rita had talked about him alot, the third was a girl, probably about one. She looked alot like the other woman.
Caz turned the photo over, it was dated, and had the peoples names. “Fifteen years ago,” said Caz. “It’s Phil and Rita and Timmy and Sean...and the other people...Sean!” She cried in surprize. “Sean, Hannah and Sarah Dernham.” She stared at the photo. “That man’s Phil’s brother!”

[Charn_Tim]

Wow, that's really good stream-of-consciousness writing! I really want to know more now, as this raises several questions: What were the men doing there? Were they trying to kill Sean and Caz, and if so why? (Also, what was in the backpacks? Are we supposed to assume it was the drugs or do we not know yet?) And I want to know more about Emma?! And Phil-why did he leave?! You just love leading us on like this don't you!? :mad: :D

EDIT: Oops, this post goes after Post#101...

[Charn_Tim]

Grace, that next one is very nice (post #102) too! I really like how we get to see what Caz is thinking. And what's she gonna do with the money?! I have one question though: Does that mean that Caz recognizes Phil's brother from the photo? Has she seen him before? or is she just surprised that Phil has a brother that she didn't know about...

Great job, keep it up!

[Elendil]

Mabe I should just tell you what happens. Even though I haven't written it yet, and then you'll stop bugging me! :p
...............this thingo.........
....gun.....drugs.............Brodie..........
Phil...................Caz & Sean................. ...Emma..............police................arrest. ........................................running... ......
............plane...................Brodie........ ......................... ................Sean...............Caz............ ........
............mistreat................bad........... ...guys.............
........Guns,......lots....of....guns....
And there will be BLOOD SWEAT & TEARS!

[Charn_Tim]

LOL-wow, that really clears things up :p :D

[Elendil]

Caz was sure of it. He had the same last name, and he looked, very similar. He also had the same name as Sean. Which ment Sean was probably named after him. She made up her mind to ask Phil about him next time she saw him.


“What exactly happened to me?” Sean asked the first doctor who came into his room.
“Don’t you remember?” Asked the doctor
Sean should his head. “No,” living for two years on the street means you have to be a good actor. And quick thinking. Sean was both. “I just remember going out and well...that’s it!”
“You got shoot.” Said the doctor
“Shoot?!” Exclaimed Phil. “Who shot me? Why would someone shot me?!”
“I don’t know.” Said the doctor. “You’ll have to ask the police. They’ll be here soon.”
Sean nodded, he’d found out what he needed to know. The cops were coming, soon. The doctor belived that he couldn’t remember. But there was one thing he hadn’t found out.
Where was Caz?

[Charn_Tim]

I like it a lot, Grace. I echo Sean's question, "Where is Caz?" I really hope we get to hear more of what Sean's thinking-about Caz, the drug situation, Phil, etc. like we did with Caz. I'll be looking to more good stuff tomorrow, but I'm going to bed now, because it's 2 am!!

[Elendil]

How many hours of sleep do you get 5???
Good night
God bless
Grace

[Elendil]

Caz was hiding, and when Caz hid no one could find her. Right now she was writing a message to Sean. She wasn’t sure how she’d get it there yet but she would.
Olleh Naes
Yelyah si bumd snai ton doog.
Ydassac She folded the peice of paper, and put it in her pocket. Now to find a way to get it to Sean.

[Charn_Tim]

man, you really don't want me to go to sleep, do you!? :D (yeah, around 5 - 6 most nights, then sleep like a baby on saturday!!)

Now, I have to figure out what this says...hmmm, I can't get 2 of the words...are you sure they're spelled correctly :o

Hello Sean,
__ is dumb __ not good.
Cassady

[Rhyanidd]

Mehh! EVIL! MOre! please! Oh and I think you gave enough of how Timmy died..but was it after that that Rita became a drug dealer because she was depressed or was it before that?

[Elendil]

Questions, questions, questions. Emma had answered all she could, but didn’t see a purpose for them. “No,” she didn’t know where Phil was. The last time she had seen him was yestody morning. She hadn’t see Sean or Caz since yestoday. Things were getting frustrating. The police knew where Sean was, but when Emma asked about him, they didn’t answer.

[Elendil]

Caz was waiting nervously-she’d said she would pay a boy twenty bucks if he took Sean the message, and if he brought one back she’d give him twenty-five. She’d told him the room number, but he was taking to long for her liking. Finally, he arrived.
“Give me the money!” He demanded. He was propably a year younger than Caz, and not so tall or strong, but he looked as though he didn’t mind fighting for the money.
“Give me the note first!” Growled Caz, rubbing her two broken fingers and wondering if she was up to a fight.
The boy scowled, and handed her a peice of paper. Caz read it:
Otto hctac a arbez
Nai dna lebam dellif eci ylraen ytpme.
Tath turh ydna on skconk skcos.
Naes
Caz smiled and handed the boy the money. Then she ran off, back to her hiding place.

[~Grateful * Surrender~]

OK really frusterating! WHAT DO THE NOTES SAY!!!!!!!!!:mad:

[Charn_Tim]

OK really frusterating! WHAT DO THE NOTES SAY!!!!!!!!!:mad:
^^See, I'm not the only one who can't tell what the note said!? It's really hard to unscramble words if the letters are mixed and matched like that too!!

[Rhyanidd]

yes what do the notes say..*suspiciously* do Aussies have some weird "Aussie language" that you aren't allowed to tell anybody or you die?!?!?!:p

[Elendil]

Oh man you guys this is so simple!!! Can't you work it out???
Here: Hctac a erbez=Catch a Zebra=Caz
Work it out! (It seems to me Aussies are the only ones who know how to decode! It is sooooooooo simple!)

[Rhyanidd]

I was never good at scarmable codes...sorry...I was good at symbol codes but not scramble ones:(

[Charn_Tim]

Hey, stop insulting our intelligence!! :p :D

[Rhyanidd]

wait Americans have intelligence?!?! YOU GUYS REALLY NEVER DO TELL ME ANYTHING!

[Elendil]

“I already told you!” Snapped Sean, “I don’t remember!”
The sargent turned to the doctor. “Is that possible?”
“Certainly,” said the doctor. Sean sighed with relief
“How?” Asked the Sargent
“Loss of blood,” said the doctor. “And belive me-he has lost alot of it!”
“So,” said the sargent turning to Sean. “All you remember is that you and your sister were going out for a walk and you were heading towards the park?”
“Yes,” said Sean, and muttered “for the third time.” under his breath.
“Why were you going out?”
“To see my sisters boyfriend.”
“Who’s he?”
“Look mate,” said Sean, “If you’re trying to get him in trouble, you’ll have no help from me! For goodness sake, you should be out there trying to find who shoot me! Not in here asking me the same thing over and over!”
“Does you sister even have a boyfriend?”
“Of course!” Exclaimed Sean, “Ask Phil, he knows.”
“We can’t.”
“Why not?”
The sargents eyes narrowed. “We can’t find him.”

[Rhyanidd]

d'oh! Holy...does he die?

[Charn_Tim]

That's really good Grace!! Keep it up! {Where does Phil go!!}

[Elendil]

Hahaha that is all for today!!! Hey you guys try some guesses about what happens!!!! :p

[Rhyanidd]

its tomorrow here!so post more!

[Elendil]

I don't have any more!!! But come on guess! Anything!

[Charn_Tim]

Hmmm, this is tough...I think Phil goes to get his brother? {If not, the brother's got to play into this somehow, right?}...And I guess it would help if we could read Elindil's mind and figure out the code...:)

[Elendil]

See look a good guess! Yes the brother will come into the story! (He's a VERY important character...and one of my favorites!)

[Charn_Tim]

Yay! See, I'm not stupid afterall...hooray!! :p

[Rhyanidd]

Yay! See, I'm not stupid afterall...hooray!! :p
Yay! CollEge taught CT something! :p

Alright um....I think..grrr...to early here to think *curls up and goes to sleep*

[Charn_Tim]

Yay! CollEge taught CT something! :p

I'll get you for that...you just wait! *shakes fist at RF again*

*curls up and goes to sleep*
Good, now there might actually be some sanity on this forum again...:p

[Rhyanidd]

I'll get you for that...you just wait! *shakes fist at RF again*
CHAKAL! HES BEING MEAN! :D :D


Good, now there might actually be some sanity on this forum again...:p
I doubt it! YOUR STILL HERE!

[Elendil]

Phil like Caz was hiding, but in a different way. He wasn’t hiding from people or to get out of trouble. He was just staying out of town until he’d decied what to do, and he couldn’t.
Today was his day off, from work anyway, so there was nothing wrong with not being home. He’d called the hospital. They’d said that Sean was okay, but he’d be in hospital for a few weeks.

[Elendil]

The first note says:
To Sean
HIDING
CASSADY

The second says:
To Caz
I AM FINE
THANKS
SEAN

[Charn_Tim]

Thanks for clearing those notes up, Grace. Sorry we're so stupid :p....And why is Phil hiding?!...haha, great job with the story so far, it's keeping us on the edge of our seats :)

[Elendil]

It was cold, wet, dark, and it stank. Caz was squished and she wanted to get out. But the cops were still looking for her, she was sure of it. Sean would have know what to do. Caz sighed-he had said he was fine, but she didn’t know for certain-she hoped so.
There was only one other person she could call; Brodie. She didn’t particulary want to call him, but if anyone could do something, he could. She dialed the number.
“Hello?” Said Brodie-Brodie was twenty-eight, thick short and greasy. He had long hair and a beard and was tattooed just about everywhere.
“Hi Brodie, it’s Caz.”
“Caz!” He exclaimed, “Where are you? I’ve been looking for you!”
“Why?” Asked Caz
“Because I need you!”
“Why? What for?” Asked Caz
“Tonight of course!”
“No!”
“Awwww, come on Caz. Just tonight, it’s the last time, I promise!”
“I’d sooner trust a King Brown that said it wouldn’t bite me!”
“Well maybe it’s not the last-last time, but I’ll pay you double!”
Caz thought for a moment. “What about those guys?” The drugs are all they want!”
“We’ll have to risk it, we’re doing a big haul tonight, besides I got you a new partner for tonight, he’ll protect you.”
“Who?” Asked Caz
“Don’t worry! He’s beautiful.”
“You, turning gay Brodie?” Caz snickered
“I ment from your perspective. Don’t worry I’m not turning gay. I’m to smart for that,besides I’ve still got my eye on you!”
“Brodie!”
“That kiss...mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...”
“Shut UP!”
“Can’t wait to do it again.”
“Stop it right now BRODIE!”
Brodie laughed, “You’re so easy to upset!”
Caz snorted, “Don’t you even think about it! What were you saying about the other guy?”
“He’s new, I need you to look after him.”
“I thought he was looking after me!”
“Well he is...but you’ll have to help him along.”
“Anything else?”
“He’s a Brit.”
“Oh great!” Exclaimed Caz, sarcasticly. “A POM.”
“You’ll like him, he’s pretty darn cute.”
“Brodie!”
“No realy!”
“What’s his age?” Asked Caz
“Ummm twenty-five or twenty-six.”
“To old, now come pick me up!”

[Charn_Tim]

LOL this is exactly something you would say:

“You, turning gay Brodie?” Caz snickered.

haha, you really would be perfect for Caz, Grace :D. Really cool dialogue, very clever and entertaining. {Why's Phil hiding??!!;)}

[Elendil]

LOL this is exactly something you would say:

“You, turning gay Brodie?” Caz snickered.

haha, you really would be perfect for Caz, Grace :D. Really cool dialogue, very clever and entertaining. {Why's Phil hiding??!!;)}

Thankyou Tim-yes I'm trying to make Caz something like myself...
Got to go

[Charn_Tim]

Grace, when you make the movie, are you going to have the notes scrambled like that and Caz and Sean have to figure them out; or was that just a game (a really tough one!) for us?...And forgive me for asking (I'm not from Australia :)) is a King Brown a type of snake?

[glamel]

I believe so it is a kind of snake form Australia, known also as Mulga...:D

Nice going grace, keep it up...:D

[♣Teh Deviant♣]

Oooooooooh its gettin' gooooooood!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :eek: ok well, better!
Its pretty long though..I mean, like, how long will it take to finish it!?!? :eek:
I hate to read like one paragraph at a time, cos then i forget and well then I have to start over the next day...so thats why today I decided to read ALL of what uve posted over the past, say, week, and well here I am! And I read it! And I love it! :D

[Charn_Tim]

Its pretty long though..I mean, like, how long will it take to finish it!?!?
It's gonna be as long as War and Peace, by Tolstoy. :D Have you seen the size of that book...it's about 900 pages in small print...

[Elendil]

Caz opened the back door to the apartment. She shivered, even though it was summer, it was cold, very cold, and she was wet, so that made it worse. There were still alot of police around, but not around here, anyway, she was just being quick, no one would notice her, she hoped.
She ran into her room and got changed out of her wet things. Then she ran out into the hall, strait into Phil. “Caz!” He exclaimed, “What are you doing here!?”
“I...I...was just leaving...”
“I think you should be right for a little while. Man! You look cold, your lips are blue.”
“Yea, I’m pretty cold. Phil is Sean...”
Phil smiled, “He’s fine, he should be out of hospital in a few weeks.”
“A few weeks!” Exclaimed Caz “That’s ages!”
“Be thankful it wasn’t any worse!”
“I am...It just seems along time. Oh, and here’s your wallet...I kind of spent a little bit.”
“How much is ‘a little bit’.” Phil smiled, taking the wallet.
“Twenty-five bucks...I’ll pay you back, I just don’t have any money right now.”
“It’s okay, Caz, you don’t have to.”
“Phil in the photo...”
Phil cut her off. “What photo!” He exclaimed.
“The one in the wallet, of you and Mum, and Timmy...”
“You knew about Timmy?”
“Of course I knew about Timmy!” Yelled Caz, “Of course I knew! Mum’s always saying,how she didn’t want me! She wanted another boy! She wanted another Timmy!”
“Sorry...Cassady...”
“DON’T CALL ME THAT!!!”
“Sorry...” Said Phil, “What did you want to know about the photo?”
“The man,” said Caz, “Is he your brother?”
Phil took a deep breath. “You could say that.”
“Is he...dead?”
“NO!” Exclaimed Phil,
“Then were is he?”
“Last I heard he was in America...”
“Aren’t you...friends?”
“NO! WE ARE NOT!” Phil shouted, getting as loud and angry as Caz had been.
“Why not?” Asked Caz.
“BECAUSE HE KILLED MY BEST FRIEND!!! THAT’S WHY!!!”
“How?
“Carelessness...” Said Phil, he didn’t seem angry any more. “He wasn’t careful enough, and that’s how he killed Simon. If he’d been more carfull it wouldn’t of happened."
I’m sure it was an accident...” Caz’s voice trailed off
“Maybe it was...” said Phil, he wasn’t angry, he was almost crying. “But he was angry with me too... I haven’t seen him for fifteen years. Imagine that Caz, Imagine you hadn’t seen Sean for that long.”
“Do you miss him then?”
Phil nodded, “Yea, I miss him alot. I don’t know if I’ll ever see him again though...He might get killed...If he hasn’t been already.” Now Phil was crying.
“How?” Asked Caz
“He’s a soldier, in the American Army...an army medic. Last I heard he was going to Iraq.”

[Charn_Tim]

Who's Phil's best friend that his brother killed? How did his brother "kill" his best friend?...Awww, I feel bad for Caz; her mom didn't want her... :(

One other note: I'm still confused as to why Phil isn't in the hospital with Sean. Why did he leave suddenly? Was someone looking for him? Did he not want to see someone at the hospital?

Ooooh, you are good, Grace, keep it up! The story's very exciting so far, and you really draw the reader in. :)

[Rhyanidd]

yeah CT just said what I was gonna say....Now....what happens next?

[Elendil]

“Iraq? That’s were all the fighting is, isn’t it” Asked Caz
“Yea,” Phil nodded, “It’s were all the fighting is.”
“How did he kill Simon?”
Phil took a deep breath. “I said he was a medic, didn’t I?”
Caz nodded, and Phil contiued. “Well he’s not just any old medic, he’s a surgeon, a brain surgeon.”
“A brain surgeon!” Exclaimed Caz, “He doesn’t even look like a doctor.”
“I know,” Said Phil, “That’s what everyone said. He finished year twelve when he was fifteen, and started Uni at sixteen. He’s about fourty or fourty-one now.”
“How old are you?”
“Ummmmmm...Twenty-five.”
“Phil!”
“Okay, I’m thirty-eight, thirty-nine next month. Boy, I’m getting old.”
“What happened after Sean finished Uni?”
“He became quiet a well known surgeon, but he was in Uni for along time. Anyway, I finished school at seventeen, just like a normal person, and I didn’t go to Uni.”
“Why not?” Asked Caz
“Two reasons, first I didn’t want to.”
“Why’s that?”
“I’d just done school for twelve years, I didn’t want to do it for another four! Secondly I didn’t have any money to go.”
“So is that when you became a Cop?”

[Charn_Tim]

Aww, more story, things are getting really interesting, Grace. Keep it up, I love it!

[Elendil]

“No! I didn’t do anything for about a year, until Mum kicked my out of the house, so then I had to get a job. Know what job I got?”
Caz shook her head, “No,”
“A Rousabout,”Said Phil grinning
“A what?”
“Rousabout, you know the guy that picks wool up, and sorts it.”
“Oh yea, I remember.”
“Then I met Rita, errrrrr...I’ll just say we did some things we probably shouldn’t have done, and Rita got pregnat. I was only nineteen, and we got married.Not what we had planned, but our parents pushed us to it.”
“Why’d you marry a drugie?”
“I didn’t! She didn’t have anything to do with drugs when I married her, and Mum and Dad made us get married anyway, regardless. I wasn’t very popular with my parents for along time, even when I apologized. Sean didn’t mind to much, we where still friends,and he was engaged. That’s when Timmy came along.”
“There’s something I always wanted to know about Timmy.” Said Caz, “He had red hair, where did that come from?”
Phil smiled, “Me.”
“You’ve got blond hair.”
“I don’t really, it’s red, sort of. Blondish-red. But I dyed it.”
“Why?” Asked Caz grinning
“Because I hate red hair! I’ve been dying it since I was fifteen, and I’m not about to stop.Besides, it’s going grey.”
“Really? You are getting old!” Laughed Caz, “Keep going with the story.”

[Charn_Tim]

Wow, things are getting even more interesting! We finally know why Phil married Rita. But why does Rita get into drugs?...I suppose you'll be getting to that...

[Elendil]

“I wasn’t a rousabout anymore, I was a shearer, so was Simon. Four or Five years later, Sean junior, desided to come along.”
“Sean’s named after Simon isn’t he? Well Simon and the other Sean.”
“Yep, Sean Simon. Anyway, almost two years later, Rita got pregnat again, with you. That’s when things started to happen.”
“What kind of things?”

[Charn_Tim]

wait, what's a rousabout? or a shearer? (sorry if it's a dumb question :o)

[Elendil]

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Tim that is so...silly! Everyone knows what they are!!!
A shearer is someone who shears sheep-Alot of that in Aussie.
A Rousabout-picks up the wool, and sorts it.
HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW THAT!!!

[Charn_Tim]

Because I don't live out in the middle of nowhere! :p haha

I love getting a reaction out of you, even when I don't try :D

[Elendil]

*Hits Tim over the head with a sheep!* You are just STUPID!

[Charn_Tim]

*Hits Tim over the head with a sheep!* You are just STUPID!
LOL - you are full of attitude, Grace: but in a good way :D

*As Grace turns around with the sheep, Tim gets up, picks up the Rousabout, and tosses it right on top of her...*

[~Grateful * Surrender~]

Grace that is so good! I am really enjoying it and I hopre you write more...SOON!!!!

[Rhyanidd]

Geesh CT even I knew what a Rousabout was....err well I figgured it out from the story when Phil says "someone who goes around and picks up the wool and then sorts it...." or something like that...anyway....*sheepish look then goes and hides*

[Rhyanidd]

Elindil when are ya gonna get more up?

[glamel]

probably when she's tired riding her horses:p
oh and when she figure out what to do, as the head of Rangers, to the threatened knights and not so brave pirates:D

[Rhyanidd]

yay glamel is brilliance!

[glamel]

Of course!!! every Rangers are!! it's one of our great characters as a ranger.:D

[Rhyanidd]

yes that means I am brilliant too......*dances for joy*suddenly stops* does CT have to get brilliance too?*dissapointed*

[glamel]

only when he's around:D hahaha,

[Rhyanidd]

scooore! *thumbs nose at CT*I'll do as I please I'm a ranger...:p

[Elendil]

Stop It!!! This Is For Blood Sweat And Tears Only!!!!!

[Elendil]

“BAD things, Simon started haveing lots of headaches, really bad ones, that lasted for along time. So finally he asked Sean (he’d just graduated) to check it out. Sean found out he had a brain tumor. Now it was kind of weird, because he’d just graduated but, they’d let him do a brain surgery on a tumor about two weeks before hand. The guy was going to die anyway, because they said they couldn’t operate, because of where the tumor was.
Sean did the operation and they guy was okay, and everyone was really amazed at that because no doctor had ever done it before.”
“Really? “ Said Caz “Wow.”
“Well Simon had the same kind of tumor in the same place, and so everyone was pushing him to operate. I didn’t want him too, but he thought it would be easy.He said ‘I’ve done it once I can do it again.’ But he couldn’t, he didn’t...” Phil stopped, “Simon died during the operation.”
“I’m sorry...” said Caz
“Then Sean and I had a bit fight...And then he left...It was my fault...He moved to America with his wife and daughter. His wife sent me letters for a while but then it stopped...In the last letter, she said he’d enrolled in the army as a medic. I found out about a year ago he was going to Iraq.”
Caz didn’t say anything for a while she couldn’t think of anything to say, but there was one question burning in her mind. “Why didn’t you stay at the hospital, with Sean? Did it worry you that we got in trouble?” She asked
“It’s not that I don’t like him, or anything Caz, it’s that I didn’t want to talk to the others.”
“You mean the cops?”
“Yea, I didn’t want them to ask me questions I wasn’t ready for...I think I’m ready now.”
“I have to go now Phil,” Said Caz
“Where are you going?” Asked Phil, “No, don’t tell me, if I get asked I can truthfully say I don’t know.”
Caz smiled, “I think I’ll be back by the early morning.”
“And if you’re not?”
“Then you’d better come looking for me.”
“Be careful Caz...I don’t want you out there, I don’t want you doing things you shouldn’t.”
“Why?” Asked Caz
“Because I love you, and I don’t want anything to happen to you.” Caz stared at him, and two tears rolled down her face. “What’s wrong Caz?” Asked Phil
“No...No one’s ever said that to me before...Phil I...I don’t want to be out there! I’m scared, I don’t want to keep...” She stopped
Phil looked stuned. “No one has ever said ‘I love you,’ to you before?”
“No...” Caz shook her head. “Phil...can I have a hug?” Phil smiled, and gave Caz a hug...One that clearly said ‘I love you’.

[Charn_Tim]

Stop It!!! This Is For Blood Sweat And Tears Only!!!!!

Sorry, grace, we won't do that again in this thread :o

[Elendil]

You had better not! :mad:

[Charn_Tim]

Grace, that was lovely!! Good job for explaining so much of the background of Simon and Phil and the family. And Caz and Phil sure had a lot of cute father-daughter interactions. I liked that. I have a couple of questions (that you may or may not want to get into further):

1) I'm kind of curious as to how Rita got into drugs. Maybe you're still gonna talk about this, but I think it would be nice to know.
2) So does Phil think Sean could have done anything to save Simon's life, and Sean just screwed up, or is Phil just blaming Sean because he was the doctor operating on Simon, and well, you've got to blame somebody (however irrational it may be...)
3) What questions did Phil not want the Cops to ask him if he hung around at the hospital (You'll probably get into this more, but I just thought I'd ask it anyway)

And I still haven't forgotten about Emma! (I'm sure you'll talk about her soon).

Great job with these last few posts, Grace. The story is excellent and really intriguing and the dialogue is a lot of fun to read :)

[Rhyanidd]

*subdued*sorry Elindil........:( please forgive me....


Glad you updated....kinda mad at Phil for getting mad at the Dr. not his fault unless hes an idiot! or not doing his job!..(my dad is a Dr. not a surgeon but a Dr. so thats close to home..ya know?)

Even so that was a cute scene between Phil and Caz....

[Elendil]

“Caz,” said Brodie, “Caz! Wake up!”
Caz sat up, “I wasn’t asleep, we there yet?” She crawled from the backseat into the front.
“We’ll be there in a minute, just thought you might want to know a bit about Richard.”
“You mean the POM?”
“Yep,”
“What about him?”
“First he’s never done drugs before, or fired a gun for that matter.”
Caz groaned, “Who’s protecting who?!”
“I think you’re gana protect him...but Caz...he’s scared.”
“Understandable!” Said Caz, “I wouldn’t want to get shot either.”
“Not that, I haven’t even told him that yet. I mean he’s scared about running drugs.”
“Yea, and he should be!” Exclaimed Caz, “It’s a d*** stupid thing to do!”
“Maybe,” Said Brodie, “But you’ll have to show him the ropes.”
“Brodie,” Said Caz “What are we doing tomorrow?”
“We should be doing...”
Caz inturrupted, “See! I knew you didn’t mean it! But Brodie I do! This is the last run I’m doing. EVER!”
“Awwww, Caz...Come on....”
“NO! I don’t want to! And I’m not going to!” Caz yelled, Brodie sighed, and kept driving.He knew Caz ment what she said.

[Elendil]

Sean examined the food in front of him. “Gross,” he whispered, when he’d tasted it. He’d been told he would be in here for at least two weeks. He didn’t like that idea at all. He would have got up all ready, except he didn’t have any clothes, apart from the hospital gown, and he wasn’t about to go walkabout in that.
He heard his door open, he was sharing a room with an old guy, and that man had been having alot of visitors, so he thought it would be for him. He turned onto his side, he was sore, but not to sore.
“Sean?” Sean heard someone ask.
Sean sat up. “Phil!”
“Hi,” said Phil, “I thought I’d come and see how you’re doing.”
“I’m okay, execpt that they’re trying to poison me, with all this junk.”
Phil grinned. “Hospital food can be like that.Would you like me to get you some real food?”
“What do you call real?” Asked Sean
“Chips, pizza, hamburgers, coke, pies, chocolate, lemonade, icecream.”
Sean smiled, “That sounds right, nice and healthy. Think you can get me some?”
“Sure! Which ones?”
“Ummmmmmmmm...How about...Chips, pizza, coke and chocolate?”
“Certainly! I’ll get you some now.” Phil turned to go.
“Phil? Caz...”
“Don’t worry,” said Phil, “She’s fine.”

[Rhyanidd]

yaay! Good choice Sean....Chocolates the best!*gives thumbs up*

[Charn_Tim]

What?! Phil's getting all that junk food for Sean when he's sick like that?! (If only my parents were that cool...)

DON'T do any more runs, Caz!! Put your foot down!!

[Rhyanidd]

CT why are you shouting advice to the characters? they cant hear you!:p......Elindil I know you like just posted this yesterday....but can you post more like...NOW?

[Elendil]

“Caz this is Richard,” said Brodie nodding at a guy. “Richard this is Caz.”
Richard blinked, hardly beliving what he saw. “But...but...” He stammered, “She’s...she’s just a kid!”
Caz glared at the man, and he eyes darkened. “I wouldn’t say that if I was you.” She sneered. ‘Yep,’ she thought, ‘he looks like a POM.’ Richard was exacty what she’d expected. Pale, only as tall as she was, he looked weak, and scared. But yes he was pretty good looking, not that Caz cared.
“You’re what?” Richard sneered back, “Sixteen? You’re not eighteen, that’s for sure. And you’re a kid until then.”
Brodie shook his head, and muttered: “You done it now, boy.”
Caz looked Richard in the eyes. “I’m telling you one thing, mate. While we’re working together, you’ll be obeying me!”
“What!?” Exclaimed Richard, “That’s not right, is it Brodie?”
“Errrr...yes...it is.” Said Brodie
“Great! I didn’t even want to come here, now I have to get bossed around by a kid. Good Greif! What next!?”
“Brodie tell you about the gunmen?” Asked Caz
Richard paled, he looked very scared.“What gunmen?”
“The ones who’ve been shooting at us.” Said Caz, enjoying tormenting him. “Got someone last night, they did. Shot him in the stomache. You’re his replacement.”
“Brodie...” Whined Richard “You didn’t say anything about that!”

[Rhyanidd]

*laughing* thats great Elindil!

[Charn_Tim]

haha, that's funny! More attitude from Caz :)

[Elendil]

Caz picked up her two backpacks, and swung another smaller bag onto her shoulder. The pistol felt heavy against her thigh. She didn’t think she’d be able to shoot a person, again.
She’d done it before, once. That had been self defence, nothing to do with drugs, she’d never wanted to kill anyone, and seeing someone dying...
Caz groaned, she didn’t want to think about it. The guy hadn’t actially died, but she’d messed him up pretty bad. ‘It was his fault,’ she’d told herself again and again. But it was along time before she’d been able to sleep, without nightmares. Her thoughts turned to Richard, she didn’t like him, at all. To her he looked like a wimp, and someone who’d dobe at the first sighn of trouble. She hoped he’d got everything she’d told him, if not...Well, she’d probably punch him.
Caz sat down at the base of the agreed tree, and looked at her watch. Two minutes and Richard should be here, if not she’d go without him. “D***!” She remembered he had the main half of the drugs.
Two minutes pasted, then three, then five, Richard hadn’t turned up. Caz shifted uncomfortably. She looked at her fingers, Brodie had pulled them back into place, and she’d taped them up. They didn’t hurt much anymore.

[Charn_Tim]

Really good, Grace. Keep it up...Richard sounds like a loser :)

[Rhyanidd]

Really good, Grace. Keep it up...Richard sounds like a loser :)
Either that or he decided running drugs was not something that he should do!(you know I only said that to contradict you)

He probably got cold feet...which I am not sure if thats a good thing or a bad thing....I mean I dont want Caz hurt and thats what'll probably happen if she doesnt get the drugs to their place but drugs are wrong so...... :o

I feel bad for Caz....two broken fingers? One hurts bad enough!...oy....

[Charn_Tim]

Either that or he decided running drugs was not something that he should do!(you know I only said that to contradict you)
Whether you said that just to contradict me or not, I'm still gonna argue with you :p...Anyway, I mean he's a loser because he's clearly just in it for the money, and if he stands up a young girl (Caz-whether they are doing something right or not) just because he thinks it could be dangerous and is trying to save his skin, then he's a complete loser in my book.

[Rhyanidd]

Whether you said that just to contradict me or not, I'm still gonna argue with you :p...Anyway, I mean he's a loser because he's clearly just in it for the money, and if he stands up a young girl (Caz-whether they are doing something right or not) just because he thinks it could be dangerous and is trying to save his skin, then he's a complete loser in my book.
she may be "young" in the sense of being "immature" and "age" however when it comes to drugs she is probably more "mature" than many and she is definatly an "adult" when it comes to running them!

[Charn_Tim]

she may be "young" in the sense of being "immature" and "age" however when it comes to drugs she is probably more "mature" than many and she is definatly an "adult" when it comes to running them!
(Omg, are we actually having a serious discussion?! :rolleyes: )

Oh certainly she is mature well beyond her years, but that doesn't excuse Richard for being a coward. Perhaps you'd like it better if I said "if he stands up a girl..." or "if he stands up anyone...", then he is a total loser?

[xeroxia]

ooo great story! I only just found it!

[Rhyanidd]

(Omg, are we actually having a serious discussion?! :rolleyes: )

Oh certainly she is mature well beyond her years, but that doesn't excuse Richard for being a coward. Perhaps you'd like it better if I said "if he stands up a girl..." or "if he stands up anyone...", then he is a total loser?
(NO, we are not having a serious disscussion since it started when you decided to be an idiot and argue with my "just to contradict you" comment! :D)

I didn't excuse Richard for being a coward! I never said "Its ok for him to be a coward since its drugs they are running!" I said "I havent figgured out if this is a good thing or a bad thing!" NANA!
and I wouldnt like it if it said "if he stands up a girl...;" he is a louser. SHE IS PROBABLY BETTER OFF WITHOUT HIM! After all he is male :D ! and stupid about this!

[Charn_Tim]

Fair enough RF! Good thoughts...Grace, we are obviously really enjoying your story and are looking forward to more BS&T!! :)

[Rhyanidd]

Thanks CT....you did good too (for a boy :rolleyes:no I cannot be serious)

Elindil, did this count as spaming? We were talking about the story...*pleads with her eyes*

Yeah we are looking forward to more!

oh before I forget...back at the begining of the story you said that you didn't know if "Blood, Sweat, and Tears" was the name of something and I found out it was (quite accidently) the name of a band in the 60s...there

[Elendil]

Caz stood up and walked around, then went back to the tree. “Ten minutes,” she muttered angrily, Richard still wasn’t there.
After another two minutes Richard had arrived. “It’s about b***** time!” Caz snapped, “What the hell, where you doing!?”
“No need to swear,” said Richard, “I got lost.”
“Yea, yea, yea,” muttered Caz, “Lousy POM!”
Richard stiffened, “I’ve only been in Australia three days, and I’ve never been to this place before.”
Caz had started walking, she turned around. “Okay,” she said, “But you really are a b***** idiot!”
“Why’s that?” Asked Richard
“Because you’re doing you-know-what!”
“You are too!” Exclaimed Richard
“This is the very last time!” Caz replied, she looked Richard in the eyes. “You don’t what this will do to you! They will destroy you, Richard, you’ve still got a life! Don’t ruin it! Your not on drugs, you can stop, before you start. They’ll kill you Richard!”
“I know...” Said Richard quietly
“Then why do it? We can deliver this bunch, and then we can leave, both of us!”
“I can’t,” said Richard sadly. “I never wanted to do drugs...but there’s no way out of it!”
“There is! Stop now!”
“I can’t!”
“Why not?”
“I need the money!”
“Then get a b***** job!”
“I need it before the end of this month!”
“Why?”
“For my mum, she had to have an operation, they wouldn’t do the opperation unless they had the money first!You know how much the b***** opperation cost?!”
“How much?” Asked Caz
“Half a million pounds! I don’t know about you, but I can’t earn that much in a month! And if I don’t get it, I’m on the street, so is my mum, and my three little brothers!”
“Where do you work?” asked Caz.
“I’m not telling,” said Richard
“Why not?”
“You’ll laugh at me!”
Caz grinned, “That’s proably true. I’ll have three guesses.”
“Okay...”
“But then you have to tell me, deal?” Richard nodded. “Okay...model?”
“NO! Do you really think I could be a model?”
“Yes.”
“Really?”
“I guess so...”
“You saying I’m good looking?”
“I didn’t say that....”
“But you ment it! Didn’t you?”
“Shut up! Now, if you don’t think you could be a model...I guess you couldn’t be a stripper...”
“What?!” Exclaimed Richard, “You are no where near!”
“Ohh...I don’t know, just tell me!” Caz exclaimed
“I...I’m a beau...Caz you’ll laugh!”
“No I won’t!”
“Okay then, I’m a beautition.” Caz did laugh, though she tried to smother it with her hand, but couldn’t. “I knew you’d laugh!” Exclaimed Richard, looking hurt. “Everyone does.”

[Rhyanidd]

aww poor Richard...(HA CT I TOLD YOU HE WASN'T ALL BAD!...ok maybe I didn't but I did defend him..sorta)..You dont have to change the name I like the name

[Elendil]

Rf, Richard is the guy I want O Bloom to play...Kind of suits him don't you think??? :D

[Elendil]

“Sorry Rich...”
“Rich?”
“Richard then,”
“You can call me Rich I guess...”
“Okay then Rich, I’m sorry I laughed, but it seems a funny job...For a guy.”
“I know!” Moaned Richard, “But it’s about the only thing I’m good at, and like doing...”
“I like doing things no one thinks a girl should do...I don’t like doing girly things.”
“What kind of things do you like doing?”
“Weight lifting, shooting, riding motorbikes, that kind of thing.”
Richard nodded,then asked: “Caz, can I do you some time?”
“Do what?” Asked Caz turning round to look at Richard.
“Ummm...You know, hair, make-up, that kind of thing.”
Caz froze, she looked stunned. “I’m ugly Rich,” she said, “Do it to some one pretty!”
Richard grinned. “If you think you look ugly (which you don’t) then it’s my job to make you you look pretty.”
“Do you really think you could?”
“Course!”
“Then you can, but you have to make me look pretty!”
“I will, on one condition.”
“What’s that?”
“Stop being mean to me, and swearing at me!”
Caz smiled, “Okay, deal!”
They walked on in silence until Rich spoke. “You know Caz, you’d look alot nicer without all those peircings.”
“I need them!” Said Caz
“What for?” Asked Richard
“To fit in, I need to fit in.”
“With who?”
“The others.”
“You mean the junkies and that? Come on Caz, get real. If this is your last run, you won’t be hanging around here, you’ll be going to school...”
Caz cut him off. “I WILL NOT, be going to school!”

[Lost Dreamer]

lol, Caz is funny. Rich and her are like two spitfires. :)

[Rhyanidd]

Elindil, after what Richard explained about why hes doin' drug runs I don't dislike him all that much...hes getting to cool to be played by O.B. of course if later you make him a jerk...then...lol

[xeroxia]

me likes :) tis good:)

[Elendil]

Phil watched Sean, he didn’t look like he planed to leave, be he wanted to be sure. He was sure Caz was in danger and he was going to try and find her soon.
“Phil?” Asked Sean
“Yea,” Phil answered
“Do you think you could get me some of my clothes?”
Phil sighed, “Alright,” he said, “But you can’t get up yet.” Sean didn’t answer. “I said,” began Phil.
“I heard.” Said Sean, “It’s just that I hate being here.”
“Okay then,” said Phil, “I’ll be back soon.

Sean turned the TV off. Phil should have been back by now. He decided he couldn’t wait any longer. He got up, and walked over to the old man’s bed. He was asleep. Sean pulled the bag out from under his bed, there were clothes in there, he’d seen them.
He pulled out some clothes that looked like they’d fit, and changed into them quickly. The jeans were abit lose, but Sean ‘borrowed’ the old man’s belt as well.
Then nurses wouldn’t have even let him up, so he tried the window. It wasn’t locked. He was on ground floor, so getting out was easy. Well, pretty easy. He had a small drop, and it hurt alot. He’d thought of that earlier, and had kept two pain killers in his pocket. He swollowed them now, and lent up against the hospital wall while they took efect.
He couldn’t walk all the way to the park, he needed a vehicle. But were could he get one? He looked around at the cars in the parking lot. To hard to break into, he thought, and he didn’t need the police after him as well. Then he remembered. “Emma!” She lived just across the road from the hospital. He waited for a few minutes then crossed the road.

[Elendil]

Loyal BS&T fans...YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO COMMENT!!! :mad: :mad:

[Lost Dreamer]

okay, im commenting. post more!
lol, in like all of my stories someone 'escapes' fomr the hospital. so Phil came back to visit him? wheres he goign now?
POST MORE!!!!

[Rhyanidd]

Loyal BS&T fans...YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO COMMENT!!! :mad: :mad:
OK, breathe shee-shew-shee! Oh man I hadn't read it yet...breathing is good remember? :rolleyes:

Its awesome...I love Sean *sigh*..j/k

[Elendil]

Caz and Richard hadn’t said anything for along time. It was getting dark, and they hadn’t reached the park yet. Caz looked at her watch. They still had plenty of time. She didn’t feel well, infact she felt sick. She knew why too.
She was scared, very scared. She didn’t want to get shot. She didn’t want to shot someone. She didn’t want to get arrested. She didn’t want Rich to get shot, and she didn’t want to deliver the drugs.
There was another reason to. She hadn’t had a cigerett all day, and it was making her sick. She was trying to stop, but it was hard. She wanted to please Phil, she wanted him to be proud of her. But he didn’t have a reason. She wanted to give him a reason.
She fingered the pack in her pocket. Thinking. Her body was telling her to, but her mind was telling her not to. She struggeled, thinking hard. She knew if she had one now she’d stop feeling sick, but she’d only be feeding the desier for more.
She’d stoped walking, and was leaning against a tree, fighting the inner battle. Richard was watching her but he wisely didn’t say anything.
Caz ground her foot into the grass, making holes in the turf. She pulled out the packet of cigeretts, and opened it. she took one out, and threw it into the hole she’d made with her foot. Then she tipped the others in. She ground them in with her foot and kicked some dirt over them. She’d won, and she was happy about it. Infact she didn’t feel quiet so sick anymore.

[Charn_Tim]

Sorry I haven't been able to post in here for a while, Grace. I really like the way the story is progressing! I'm still not sure if I like Richard, but he has gotten better at least. I'm really happy that Caz is finally quitting cigarettes, and I hope this is truly her last drug delivery! I also liked how you show the inner struggle inside Caz's mind; that was cool.

[Rhyanidd]

Yay! More at last!:D I have a feel