Confused

[Aslan's Son]

This isn't a prayer request or anything, but I do need help with something. You see, ever since I hit puberty at 13, I've hated it-absolutely, positively hated it. I miss my high voice/Soprano singing voice and having underdevloped body hair-being a kid, basically. So anyway, ever since then, I've been talking in a high voice (not a deep one) and shaving on a daily basis. But since I do this, boys at my school are calling me a homosexual, my older brother not making it any better, my mum the same. She keeps saying I'm smacking God in the face, telling him he made me wrong, and I don't think that at all. I know of the verse 1 Corinthians 13:11 says:

"When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me."

Does anyone have any insight on this or could give me any advice?

-Jacob/Ged

(I don't mean to be disgusting or anything, it's just been a burden on me for the past four years.)

[onlymystory]

hmm, well as a girl I'm not sure if I can be as helpful as some of the men on this site. But I will say that I certainly don't think you are going against God by being uncomfortable with your body right now. Otherwise God might take issue with the millions of girls wearing makeup and He'd really go crazy. I'm not sure on the voice thing. I understand you want your old voice back but that's something that won't happen. I would encourage you to use your voice the way it is. You might discover you like it better. On the shaving thing, there is really nothing wrong with shaving. I know many guys who do for various reasons. I hope you will be able to get to the point of shaving for other reasons than being uncomfortable but puberty takes a while to get through. If it happened quickly the word wouldn't have such nasty connotations. I hope that helps a little.

[Aslan's Son]

It does help a lot. Thanks! :)

[EveningStar]

Dearest friend, God gave you a uniform to play the game of life. And at certain times you may be self conscious of it. But know this, he loves you...not the body but the real you with love and consideration and honesty and creativity and compassion. The part that never dies. Let not your body trouble you if it can hug and kiss and heal and lift another's burdens.

[DeplorableWord]

Ya, I totally agree with onlymystory and Chakal... although I am a girl too, I know how you feel. It really isn't easy going through puberty. People often don't feel ready and feel too young. It's okay; you ARE normal.:) This stage won't last forever... you can be sure of that!

[Aslan's Son]

Thanks for all the advice. :) It'll take time, yes, but at least I can tell me mum next time she says that that she's wrong (not to be disrespectful) and to the other boys that it's perfectly natural and is just a phase.

God bless!

-Ged

[Of Mice and Narnia]

This is why I love this forum. It is for the people of God who encourage those of all ages to focus their attention on the one who loves them and knows exactly where they're at and what they're going through. Be it at the early stages of life or the latter, "he nevers leaves us nor forsakes us". We truly can do "all things through Christ who strengthens us". Even if that thing is to make it through puberty.

[Parthian King]

Ged, let me tell you, just because you are frustrated doesn't mean you are insulting God over how He made you. It is perfectly legitimate to be frustrated with human weakness. If it weren't, God would not have become a human being in Jesus. Remember that Jesus did go through purberty, knows what it is to have His voice crack, feel awkward, and not fully understand what is going on with the body He's been given as it changes.

Our society is corrupt, and sets impossible standards of masculinity and feminity. Every girl must be tall and willow thin (with some exceptions perfectly located), perfect hair and skin, and shining teeth all in a row. Guys have to be tall, muscular, athletic, and commanding in voice, demeanor, and decision. (It also helps to have a lot of money.) Nobody stops to think that the ideal is something no one can reach, and often presents conflicting ideals that can never co-exist (i.e., as a guy you must be tough, dominating, and a leader of others, while also being sensitive, humble, and generous with your emotions). If someone does not meet with these ideals, they are made a target (usually by those who want to mask that they themselves are miserbale failures at the standards they are setting for others). Frankly, if I hear about another perfectly normal male dealing with perfectly normal issues being accused of being effeminate one more time I'll scream. Because of trends in our society, that seems to be the catch-all right now: If you aren't movie-star masculine, well, you're a homosexual. I strongly encourage you to ignore it.

Some people simply mature differently than the "norm" presented on the "OC" and other shows that are nothing but lies about the way things really are. So you are maturing (physically) in uneven ways. Big deal. By definition, you'll outgrow it. Coming from someone who had it very tough in middle school (I held for years that "7th grade" was actually a syndrome that should have been treated by a vaccine), let me tell you, you are fine. Anybody who gives you a tough time: They're the ones who have it wrong.

Keep close to the Lord, don't be afraid to complain a bit to Him (without getting surly, of course), and keep your chin up. The Lord loves you, and sees you, little brother. He knows where you live, and He will help you.

[inkspot]

You have received good advice here, Ged, and I echo it. You are just fine as you are; you are perfectly normal to be uncomfortable with the changes you're going through; you will one day be past all this. In the meantime, relax and allow the life of Christ to flow through you. It was really quite a strong move of yours to seek advice in this Forum, and I commend you.

I'm a girl -- a lady even -- and cannot exactly relate, of course, but I can say from experience the teen years are very tricky from a body image standpoint, and you can add to it: the changes you're experiencing herald changes in your hormones which just compound the feelings of discomfort and conflict! No one could be very sane going through all this in an atmosphere which is highly sexually charged (as the modern USA's atmosphere is).

So ... hang in there. I would suggest trying out your natural voice now, however. As someone else mentioned, you will probably find you like it.

[Sunrise]

Ged, from someone who loves childish things of all kinds and will still watch Sesame Street on a daily basis, you have my empathy. :D

Keep in mind as well that you could be subconsciously responding to a culture that really has been pushing "traditional" masculinity under the rug for some time. Every time you open a magazine these days, none of the male models have body hair, and most will have that kind of baby-faced, "pretty boy" look that has become the new standard of male beauty in the West. It's a far cry from the Tom Selleck/Sean Connery hairy-chest and facial-hair standard that was popular just twenty years ago. To be rankly stereotypical, this "new look" IS a standard that is prized by homosexual men - who mostly run the fashion industry, which is why you see this image everywhere.

Don't misunderstand me - I'm not saying you are effeminate for wanting to keep your boyish looks. But you might be absorbing, without realizing it, the image of "the perfect look" as our culture is currently defining it, and trying to match it. But very few men look like that in reality (and the fact that some DO does NOT mean that they are gay), and particularly in adolescence, you are going to feel all out-of-whack with yourself. Just be patient with your own body and give yourself time to adjust, and pray continually that God will grant you the maturity to accept yourself the way you are. Think about starting some kind of workout schedule that will help you develop this new body and enjoy it to its full potential - my husband said that helped him gain a lot of self-confidence at that challenging time of life.

Grace and Peace, my friend.

[Christine Marie]

I think it's wonderful that you enjoy something and not afraid to admit it in spite of what others think! Many people would deny they would like it so that their peers don't criticize.
There was a boy in my junior high choir class (many years ago) who got teased by other boys at school but he stuck with the choir and by the end of the year he became one of the most popular boys in school because people respected him for being a leader and having confidence.

People are just calling you names because they lack self-esteem, that's basically my point :^)

[Christine Marie]

btw, on the shaving, the same thing happens to girls when they develop a chest, other girls call them names because they're jealous that they're maturing before they are.

[Lawrence]

Ged,

Fear not. All of the men in the forum have gone through what you are going through. I myself hit the old glandular wall around 6th grade, only with me my voice deepened rather precipitously, I got a 5 o'clock shadow and grew rather quickly.

Some people will tease you no matter what you look like-tall, short, hairy, hairless, high voice, low voice, it does not matter. Neither do their opinions. You are walking around in the coating that the good Lord has deemed appropriate.

If the knuckleheads tease you for being too skinny or shaving too much and it really bothers you, hit the weights. A skinny but muscular guy who is clean shaven might actually do all right with those who are not teen age guys if you get my meaning. :)

Pax,
L