Beauty Within

[IcePhoenix]

Author's Note: This is my first Narnia fanfiction, so please bear with me and feel free to give me constructive criticism. Thanks again!



Chapter 1: First of Many Meetings

Her rich midnight blue mantle robes rippled over her like water as she strode across the marble hallway. Her feet padded on the floor, like a cat's and the sound of her jewelry jangling was the only warning of her appearance. Her raven black hair tumbled over her narrow shoulders, entangled ribbons flying freely amongst the black curls. Pale skin suggested a woman of high position, while she held herself like a queen. The commanding air she had was one only royalty could pull off and impossible to imitate.

"Aira," the young servant following her quickened her pace to catch up with her mistress.

"I must see with the new majesties. Announce me," she ordered, arranging her perfectly pressed robes as they stopped in front of the double doors. The servant bowed and disappeared behind the double doors.

The new rulers were told of their guest and immediately allowed of her entrance. Of course, once the doors opened and the woman of subject walked in, they regretted this decision inwardly, mainly because of the haughty look in her eyes.

"Your...Majesties," she eyeed each one of them, her gaze cold and mocking. Peter inclined his head to acknowledge her, while the others simply analyzed her.

"You must be one of the purebred elves of the north," Peter guessed shrewdly,noticing her slightly elongated ears. The elves were supposedly secretive and rarely showed themselves. They lived very far up north and hadn't cared of Narnia's troubles when the White Witch threatened them.

"I am," she raised a slender eyebrow. The guard bristled.

"Show respect to your kings and queens," he hissed, his hand already at his side. No other races truly liked the elves, for they knew of the elves' selfish tendencies.

"Kings and queens?" she gave a high-pitched laugh. "Do you honestly serve these humans as your masters?"

At these words, the guard drew his sword, but Peter raised his arm. His unreadable expression hid a sense of confusion and anger.

"Let her go,"

Still laughing, she bowed to Peter.

"Oh, such wonderful kindness," she exclaimed, her tone dripping with sarcasm. "Thank you, Peter the Magnificent...Lady Kylaia is in your debt,"

Her laughter echoed in the halls as she swept away from the halls, the sun shining on her silk robes.

[DeplorableWord]

Wow! Very good story line! I really like it! Will you post more soon? GREAT job!!! :)

I only have one "constructive criticism" remark. I don't think that the gaurd would have drawn his sword at the Elf already. But, I don't know, maybe he would have. It just seemed like he reacted too sudenly or something; it's not as if the Elf threatened the Pevensies, or anything, she just lightly put them down, right? Please do correct me if I'm wrong!

Once again, excellent job!!!

[Rhyanidd]

I only have one "constructive criticism" remark. I don't think that the gaurd would have drawn his sword at the Elf already. But, I don't know, maybe he would have. It just seemed like he reacted too sudenly or something; it's not as if the Elf threatened the Pevensies, or anything, she just lightly put them down, right? Please do correct me if I'm wrong!


Acctually if the gaurd had a quick temper and was extremely loyal and devoted to his Kings and Queens he might, I think I would. Plus if Elves are mysterious there might be some legends behind them that have to do with magic, that the Author didnt tell us.

I like it alot, and Especially the part about "Everybody knew the elves selfish tendencys" That part especially because in the books I have read with Elves (Lotr and Eragon, and a few others which I cant think of) the Elves have always been reveared and they always seemed arrogant to me.

[DeplorableWord]

Acctually if the gaurd had a quick temper and was extremely loyal and devoted to his Kings and Queens he might, I think I would. Plus if Elves are mysterious there might be some legends behind them that have to do with magic, that the Author didnt tell us.

If you want to be that picky, than I think that if the Elf was threatened with a sword pointed at her, like she was, then she would have sufficient grounds for calling her people and telling them to go to war against Narnia for threatening a defenseless Lady that she was, when she didn't even say much except criticize the Pevensies a little bit. And I don't know what you mean that "there might be some legends behind them that have to do with magic, that the Author didn't tell us." Care to explain?

I've said it once, and I'll say it again, I might be wrong, as you might, and the story is amazing.

[pacifiquesea]

It's surprising to find fan fiction that isn't laughable - good job for putting this cynic in her place.

If I could make a suggestion - "they knew of the selfish tendencies of the elves" seems awkward. Perhaps if you re-worded that part and maybe expounded a bit - you've already mentioned their reaction, or non-reaction, to Jadis' takeover; perhaps something more specific could come here? Also, there seems to be a bit too much detail in the first part of the sentence - I almost trip over all of the details about her robe. Aside from some other punctuation issues, you've got very good story and character development. I hope you keep writing.

I also hope that wasn't harsh - I don't usually comment on fan fiction because I usually find that the work is embarassing. However, yours is actually worth reading.

[IcePhoenix]

Lady Kylaia stood motionless in front of one of the large windows overlooking the beach, her arms crossed over her chest. The cool breeze gently roused her hair and pressed itself comfortingly against her pale skin.

Her eyes, once sneering and arrogant, were blank and almost thoughtful. She had exchanged her silk robes for a simpler cotton outfit that she would only wear in private; her reputation had to be maintained. The beach called to her temptingly, the roaring waves coaxing her to go down for a ride.

She let her head hang low and sagged her shoulders. The Lady Kylaia who would never let an emotion slip now relaxed in the privacy of her rooms. Young, and restless, but forced to have the responsibilities of an ambassador, it sounded like a bad plot to a story, she thought to herself disgustedly. The beach waves pounded against the rocks, at last persuading her to go for a ride. She donned on a heavy cloak and took care to hide her hair and face before she slipped out of her rooms for some freedom.

The unicorn she rode was steady and sure-footed, the rythmn of his hoofbeats oddly consoling. She felt the sprays of the waves and fought an urge to dismount and jump into the sea, cloak and all. She faced the setting sun and filled her heart with awe of its beauty. She rarely saw sunsets or sunrises in the north. Her people favored everything cold; cold skies, cold weather, cold hearts...

She heard another horse approaching and quickly secured her hood, horrified at her situation.

"Excuse me?" called a young girl's voice. She stiffened with recognition; it was Lucy the Valiant, the youngest ruler. Kylaia stopped her horse and faced the girl.

"Yes?" she asked gruffly, eyeing Lucy under shadows.

"I was just wondering if I could ride with you,"

The older girl was taken aback. Were humans usually this open and warm? How very stupid of them, she thought, raising an eyebrow. Don't they know that they will be used as advantages? However, she remembered her disguise and nodded briefly. Lucy beamed.

"It's beautiful, isn't it? I love sunsets. They're my favorite," bubbled Lucy, her eyes sparkling. Kylaia studied her out of the corner of her eye, amazed and skeptical. She had overestimated the new rulers. Her father had been right; humans were weak and dependent.

Lucy noticed her new friend's silence and studied her curiously.

"I'm sorry if this is rude, but, may I ask you your name?"

Kylaia searched her mind for another name.

"My name is Gwyn," she lied, hoping Lucy didn't notice her hesitation.

"Gwyn. What a lovely name! Well, Gwyn, I don't know if you heard or not, but we're hosting a masquerade ball tonight for my brother Edmund's birthday. I'd be delighted if you came, even if I don't know what you look like,"

By now, Kylaia was amused. Humans were certainly more trusting than elves, and foolish as well. However, this was the opportunity to learn more about the people she had to negotiate with, so she forced warmth in her voice as she said, "I'll be honored to, Queen Lucy,"

[Rhyanidd]

If you want to be that picky, than I think that if the Elf was threatened with a sword pointed at her, like she was, then she would have sufficient grounds for calling her people and telling them to go to war against Narnia for threatening a defenseless Lady that she was, when she didn't even say much except criticize the Pevensies a little bit. And I don't know what you mean that "there might be some legends behind them that have to do with magic, that the Author didn't tell us." Care to explain?


She might have, also she wants to negotiate, Ambassodors have to put up with a lot if they want a good relantionship with a country....I'm just saying, that the gaurd may have reacted quickly I would have...

I meant by that statement that when we dont know much about a culture we say stuff about based on half truths, so since nobody knows much about the Elves than there may be some legends about them, true or not, those legends may say that the elves had magical powers....and since Narnias only major encounter with Magic is the WW than they may be weary of it...by 'the author hasnt told us' I meant that sometimes wrigters keep things hidden until the opertune moment....