Questioning...

[Near]

Recently, Will and I have to part ways. Not because we have fallen out of love for one another, but because things have come up in his life that he must attend to.

Saying goodbye to him was difficult, but a promise was mixed in as well. A promise that in time, after what he needs to finish, he'll come and find me.

At first, I didn't see how promise of this size could ever be fulfilled. But, then I started noticing things, even now, happening. A song that describes our situation perfectly plays over the speakers at work...and just now my daughter picks out a book for me to read, only to see that one of the characters names is Will.

Is all this mere coincidence? Or does it mean something else? Because of it, I have begun to question things. Not only was the fact that my daughter pulled out that book out of small library she seems to have...but the event has seemed to bring me peace on the situation.

Regardless, it has not been easy. My heart aches in a way it never has before. And I often wonder if the love Will has me, and the love I have for him...can stand the test of time.

I'm sorry to shove all of this towards you guys, but I have nowhere else to go...no one else to turn to. I feel alone, scared, and fragile. For the first time in many years, I feel vulnerable.

Thank you...for just letting me get my feelings out.

[Copperfox]

I almost gasped when I saw your opening line about parting ways. But hope resurged when you said it was not a RELATIONAL parting, only a geographical one.

In my Navy career, my Mary and I had to endure some long geographical separations, but our marriage survived them (in part, of course, for the elementary reason that I didn't cheat on her!). There is a saying: "Distance is for love as wind is for a flame: it puts out small, weak flames, but enlarges a strong flame."

[Near]

Thank you Copperfox, it means so much. One of the things that made me feel better was when my daughter pulled out that book, and I began to read it.

Out of all the books she could have chosen...she chose the one with a character with the name of Will.

It was comforting and oddly frightening at the same time.

[Copperfox]

Near, God Himself uses little tricks with names, words and visual symbols to touch us and lift our spirits.

Just this morning, for instance, I woke up from a better sleep than I usually seem to get these days. Before sleeping, I had been praying, and my forum-sister Songs of Life had also been praying FOR me. So there I was, awake again....and the next time I closed my eyes again IN a state of being awake, something happened which I promise you had NEVER happened in my life before: INSIDE my eyelids, I saw a realistic, multicolored rainbow!

[dayhawk68]

awww *hugs*
to quote the Bible (yes well everyone can agree with this)
love in unchanging and it does last forever (in some form or another)
I have a feeling that he'll be back in your arms
if not in the near future, it will eventually. ;)

[BarbarianKing]

I guess it's up to each individual whether love stands the test of time. The way I can help you is this: Love is not only a feeling but also a decision. If you made the decision to love Will no matter what, then the love between you has a good chance to stand the test of time. Because when you decide to love someone, you WILL love that person whether you feel it or not or whether a long time passes or just a little.

I know it's painful and you feel vulnerable. But I hope you remember that in all our discussions back and forth about God (and I don't want this to be about beliefs) the one thing I said once was that these vulnerable and painful times are the ones that determine how our life is going to go. It's like crossroads times. From here on you can take any of the different paths open to you: Despair, doubt, and hate, or faith, hope, and love. What you chose will determine how you will act in the future.

There is a quote by Thomas Paine that says that "these are the times that try men's (and women's) souls." How would you come out of this trial? Triumphal? or dejected? It's your choice.

You don't believe in God but I wish you could see Him now offering you his hand to help you walk through these times in triumph.

[Near]

In all honesty, what happened with the book, like the title of this thread says, I have started to question things.

My daughter picking out that book wasn't just pure dumb luck...

And I know I'll always love Will. Upon his departure, he told me that if I found someone else in his time of absence, he would accept it. However, after experiencing what I have with Will, finding another is out of the question.

[Copperfox]

That's good, Near. There were past ages when there was TOO MUCH of demands and restrictions associated with love and closeness and marriage; but the pendulum in THIS time has gone too far to the loose, unstructured side. So I'm happy to see you demonstrating commitment.

[SongsofLife]

Near, I'm so glad you reached out and shared what you're feeling. Keep us posted. And I'll be talking to God aboutcha.

[Near]

I told Will that I'll wait for him, for however long it takes. I know the waiting will be difficult, however, I will try my best live my days to the fullest that I can.

Each day that passes, is getting easier, however I still miss him.

[BarbarianKing]

Well, I offer you my hand to help you through these times and your struggle. Love is a beautiful thing. And it's so hard when that person we love is far away. Someone I know goes through that all the time.

[inkspot]

Near, I don't doubt for a moment that God is speaking to you through the little "coincidences" you mention. Here is my experience, which may (or may not) be of value to you ...

My boyfriend Mike turned into a maniac, and despite that I loved him insanely and felt he really was "the one" for me, I could see that as things were, we couldn't be happy together. It killed me to do it, but I broke up with him.

We were in a long-distance relationship, anyway, so that had been hard. I was completely devastated by losing him and realized, at 33 years old or so, that my whole life was a mess. I decided to let him go, and just surrender everything to God. Which, as best I knew how, I did.

The pain I felt over being separated, geographically and emotionally, from Mike was awful, and it was a long, long time before I could even open my eyes in the morning without this terrible weight ...

But that day came. A year and more went by, I grew more reliant on God and came to feel real joy again, and on my way to Peru, I was sidelined by an all-day layover in Mike's town. He travels for a living, so there was a slim chance he was home, but I called him up and left a message on his voicemail that I was there, in case he wanted to have lunch or something.

I had no clue he was even in town until I saw him an hour or two later at the airport, coming to find me and tell me my leaving him had been a wake-up call for him; he'd been seeing a Christian counselor, and his whole life and outlook had changed.

It was like: BOOM! Everything came crashing into place! We began cautiously seeing each other again; I think that was in April. In October he proposed, in March we were married, and next March will be our 10th anniversary.

Sometimes separations are just that ... and God can be at work through them to change everything.

I hope it works for you, too.

:)

[Copperfox]

Just checking on you, Near. Are you holding up? You are NOT forgotten.

[fernshirehobbit]

Near, i also think that the "coinicidence" with the book might not be a coincidence after all.
Dont give up hope on the relationship

[Dernhelm]

There's little I can say to help you in this. I'm hoping for the best for you. One thing I must say: when things get hard, remember that the difficulties you go through in the present, because of seperation, will seem very small when you are past them--and if you outlast them, they will only make your relationship stronger in the end. Be strong! :)

[Near]

Near, i also think that the "coinicidence" with the book might not be a coincidence after all.
Dont give up hope on the relationship

I agree as well.

And I'm doing fine Copperfox, I've been talking to an old friend, who I haven't spoken with in some time. I am grateful she is in my life, talking to her eases my pain. She makes me laugh and being an artist herself we chat about art related things.

It helps.

[bruiser]

That's good to hear.
Don't lose your head yet, not all is lost.

[Copperfox]

Many a relationship HAS held out successfully through multiple, protacted separations at a long distance. My first marriage endured them, while I was in the Navy.

[Benisse]

Hi Near,
Just wanted to let you know you were in my thots and prayers. Hope you made it thorugh the weekend okay, and that you and your daughter are doing okay in spite of the stress and heartache you're going through. May God send you little joys to ease your way today...

The next time you are in the library with your daughter, it might encourage you to find and read Eleanor Farjeon's Martin Pippin in the Apple Orchard or any of Mary de Morgan's fairy tale books. These authored fairy tale collections are not easily available, but are worth the search because each tale is a beautiful gem and they have a lot to say about love and struggles and hope.
blessings,
Benisse