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EveningStar
12-28-2005, 10:36 PM
I wrote this to get it out of my head. A mental image conjured both by the way the recent film caught me off guard and a piece by Mozart that I hear in my head as I write this....Ave Verum Corpus. The music swells with tragedy, it is so appropriate, and as far as I am concerned it refers to the same Lord and the same type of sacrifice. So without further ado I share this highly personal bit of blank verse with you.....

AVE VERUM CORPUS

(From Lucy with all her love)

Mere ragged remnants gird your face
Where golden locks adorned your brow
My hand across the stubble strokes
My tears conjoin with sweat and blood
Still sobbing, Lord, I wipe the flood
That veils your noble countenance

A longing buss I would bestow
To rouse those eyes and stir the breath
And possibly provoke a dart
For little girls who in their guile
Go in without a by-your-leave
A quick, unbidden kiss to steal

A final cry they stole from you
They trussed you firm and bound your face
The scream upwelling in our hearts
We locked away and set our jaw
And silently beheld the knife
Along its fatal path descend

Oh Aslan, precious lion dear
The two of us have seen you die
How can we tell the others, Lord
And watch the ashen wave of grief
Rebuke the springtime from their face
And quench the sunshine of their eyes?

I love my brother, Aslan dear
Despite the things that he has done
How great my joy to see him free
Rebuked and yet forgiven too
But oh, he must not know the price
He would not ask this awful thing

I never shall forget the day
When first I saw your hazel eyes
That warmed me to the very soul
Although my knees were weak with fear
And soft yet strong your precious voice
First sang my name like poetry

I must admit I found myself
So torn between my love for you
And pangs of my unworthiness
Not knowing if I would receive
My heart’s desire to stroke your mane
And whisper love words in your ear

Oh Emperor across the sea!
Allow my love to reach his ears
Allow my tears to wash away
The crimson stain of precious blood
And steel my heart for days ahead
When he must stay and I must go

I love my brother, Aslan dear
And I would gladly die for him
That you might live and he would rule
And I would wait for them in sleep
But oh the hateful prophesy
Compels me take this path of pain

Forgive me for my selfishness
A word of prayer for Susan now
Our family so often torn
With doubt and anger in our ire
Was almost rent eternally
We only have each other now

At first it was a simple game
And then adventures in the snow
A friend, a new horizon spread
Before my eyes to dazzle me
A hope of joy, a taste of love
The simple game was life itself

-- John Burkitt

Charn_Tim
12-29-2005, 01:55 AM
Oh my gosh, Chakal, that's beautiful! What an excellent poem capturing the girls' sorrow for Aslan. You should submit that to the fan section->poetry on the main website: narniafans.com. Once again, very well done!

Queen Lucy the Valiant
12-29-2005, 02:27 AM
Whoa! Thats brilliant!

Geekster
12-29-2005, 04:39 PM
Amazing! Great job Chakal!

unleavened
12-29-2005, 07:24 PM
Very well done!

WolfsBane
12-30-2005, 01:20 AM
I don't know much about poetry, actually I do know a little...paragraphs are stanzas...

But anyways :o your poem is very lovely, I like how you capture Lucy's feelings, it's very pretty. Write more, please. :D

Rhyanidd
01-21-2006, 01:46 PM
thats really beautiful!

Namaste
01-21-2006, 05:48 PM
Wow that really is beautiful. I agree with the others, wonderful!

DeplorableWord
01-24-2006, 08:44 PM
Wow, well done Chakal!!! Is that on your sight, because I think I've read it there before! Once again, brilliance my dear fellow, brilliance! :D

EveningStar
01-24-2006, 09:03 PM
Thank you dear friend. You may have read it on my site first, but this is the original copy.

Here is one I did eighteen years ago. It is deliberately intended to be read without meter or rhythm of any kind, just in a normal speaking voice. But it rhymes and alliterates throughout.

AUTUMN LEAVES

Autumn leaves weave a tapestry of light
and shade, the hues of flame, to tame the
Autumn chill. Their hurried stirrings lend
an animated manner to the glade, and they
possess a mystic power to bless one
hour with an evanescent thrill.

Too soon they are swept down by wind and
shower, when brown and withered they are
gathered to the earth. There, spent and
pale, they lay prone and glower who once in
green splendor knew no end of mirth in the
Summer's rosy power.

First forms the frost, then starts the
snow, and the mold and fungus come to
claim their spoil. But then warmth
returns and the rootlets grow and the
rabbits and gophers resume their toil.
Then back to the living the old leaves go.

-- John Burkitt

DeplorableWord
01-24-2006, 09:51 PM
Oh, that's so good Chakal! I'm so glad you're confidant enough to post your amazing poems- I mean you have no reason not to, your poems are delicious! Delicious? Wierd word for poetry! :) I have written some poems, but I'd be too scared to post them now- which reminds me- I have to read one of them in school tomorrow... I hope I don't faint... :(

Very excellent again, Chakal. Write More, More, More, soon, soon, soon!!! :D

EveningStar
01-24-2006, 09:54 PM
I really want to see your work, Deplorable Word. Everyone has a song to sing.

DeplorableWord
01-24-2006, 10:21 PM
Well, what if my "voice" isn't good and it "cracks and stumbles and doesn't sing the right part" in the middle of a "song"?

I couldn't, especially not when I know you'de be evaluating them! For some reason, it feels as if I'd be sending myself to my grave!

ANYWAY...