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Edengoth
11-16-2005, 10:03 PM
A small sample of my writing.

First of all, it's a little part of a story I was writing a little while ago. While slightly Crude, i think the exceprt was actualy half way decent. What do you think.


Suddenly, all went silent in the forest. Faringoths mount continued down the road slowly, followed by the rest of his companions. The sound of hoof beats slowly came into earshot. Dwyrldelf the scout returned and emerged from the blackness of the night.
"The Path is blocked ahead," the scout uttered quietly, “I saw at least twenty men guarding a barricade, I know not who they are or why they are there, but I recommend we take another path.”
Faringoth sat silently for a moment considering his options. Dwyrldelf did the same, silently stroking his beard as if some type of wisdom would result.
“Bandits?” asked Faringoth.
“Most likely, but the thieves no longer frequent these woods, its marauder’s I’m worried about.” replied Dwyrldelf in a tone that suggested a hint of fear.
The rest of the company watched silently on as the debate continued. Faringoth was about to ask another question when he heard the sound of a twig snap. Dwyrldelf heard the noise also and turned towards the edge of the path.
The twang of a bowstring was heard, quickly fallowed by a thud. Faringoth turned to see the scout fall slowly from his saddle. A large arrow was embedded deep in his throat. Dwyrldelf struggled on the ground for an instant then lay still. Faringoth quickly surveyed the broken man’s body, his eyes transfixed on the arrow. The mere size of the arrow told him one thing.
“Northmen!” screamed Faringoth as he drew his sword and quickly swung his shield off his back.
There was a sudden roar of battle cries as a hail of arrows came darting from the darkness followed by the fierce raiders of the north.
Faringoth and his companions struggled against the small horde that assailed them. These were no bandits; they were heavily armed and armored. Each warrior carried a sword, an axe, and a round shield. They wore coats of mail and terrifying helmets wreathed in mail.
Faringoth slew three of the invaders before his horse was brought down by a swift axeman. He lay on the ground at the mercy of the barbarian’s blade, but no death blow came. Faringoth opened his eyes to see one of his comrades gutting the vicious attacker. Faringoth turned and jabbed his blade deep into the stomach of another attacker. He watched the dying villain slide slowly off his blade and looked up in time to see a club smash hard into his helm. Faringoth fell hard upon the ground; he felt several corpses land atop his body, friend or foe he could not tell. The last thing he heard was the sound of clashing swords, and then he passed into unconsciousness.


Like I said, crude, yet sort of nice.

sweetpumpkin87
11-16-2005, 10:52 PM
i think it was good alot better then what i would of came up with i'm not much of a very good writer..lol

P.s. is there more to this story :D

Lord Eirek
11-16-2005, 11:00 PM
Very, good! I would like to read on! Do you have more than you posted, or is this all that is completed? :)

Jewel of Narnia
11-16-2005, 11:06 PM
This is great. I wish I could write. Anyway, I also would love to read more. :D

Edengoth
11-17-2005, 09:01 AM
I havn't actualy written more of that story, but since you seem to like it, I'll whip something up by tommorow at the latest.

inkspot
11-17-2005, 09:33 AM
Cool, that will be great. :)
But no pressure -- it takes time to make great writing.

Edengoth
11-17-2005, 05:13 PM
actualy on second thought, I'll do it over the weekend.


I realy enjoy writing, and I realy hate it too. Coming up with the first sentence always frustrates me, but when I start to get into the story, It's fun.

willmoseleyschoolbuddy
12-02-2005, 04:03 PM
can we change the subject plz?????????? :cool:

DryadofLanternWaste
12-04-2005, 11:31 AM
why should the subject be changed willmoseleyschoolbuddy? I would have say it was quite good Edengoth. The descriptions were vivid, but not overly so considering content. If its not too much of a hassle though, I would use less awkward names. This is something I have trouble with, but I've been bothered about it enough to shorten and simplify my names. While interesting, often times a reader doesn't take time to sound out names so the character is left as a jumble of letters that they recognize as they read. Yours are pretty readable so its not necessary though it might help a bit. I anticipate the next post

Iamnotjustdreaming
12-11-2005, 02:52 AM
Very good job, I want to read more of it! Did you forget about us here?

Edengoth
12-14-2005, 05:36 PM
Sorry guys, things kept coming up, mainly woman related.... :eek:


The girl issue isn't quite over yet, but once I resolve it and get back to everyday life, I'll surley add on.

Thanks for the criticism, especialy the names, I'll take that into account in the future.

Edengoth
12-15-2005, 09:56 PM
Faringoth slowly cam back into consciousness. He struggled for a moment, and then finally found the strength to move the heavily armored bodies that lay atop him.
The world slowly came into view again; he could see the tree limbs overhead swaying gently in the breeze.
Faringoth set up, rubbing his bruised head tenderly. The Mail Coif had done its job and saved his life, but he still had a splitting headache. As his memory returned, Faringoth began to look about him. There were perhaps thirty dead bodies strewn about the ground. Many a noble knight from Faringoths court lay slain next to the brave yet savage Northmen who had assailed them on their journey.
From what he could see, Faringoth could tell his comrades had made the enemy pay dearly for their ambush, for every companion that had been killed, at least two of the northmen had been sent into darkness.
For a moment all was still, and then Faringoths blurry eyes picked up some movement. There lay, not ten feet away, the body of a severely injured soldier of less than twenty years of age. The young knight lay, slowly rolling back and forth. His dark blue surcoat was covered in fresh and crusted blood. From his mouth dripped a small trail of blood that disappeared into his short undeveloped beard.
Faringoth crawled close to his dying comrade and kneeled beside him. Silently, he shook the boys arm. The young knight’s eyes opened, quickly, as if he was expecting some sort of wild creature to attack.
“Faringoth, my lord!” he managed to half whisper before a rush of blood silenced him.
“What’s your name, boy?” asked Faringoth in a concerned tone.
“Fritzel, my lord”
“Well Fritzel, you’ve fought well. I see at least three dead Northmen at your feet.”
“Sire, I’ve little time to live, so I must speak in haste.” Began the wounded soldier.
“We fought till there were but four of us left, I was wounded, as you see with a spear into my belly, but the other three, they were taken alive!”
“Alive?” asked Faringoth.
“Yes me Lord, taken by force to certain torture and death!”
“Which direction did they go?”
“Towards the east,” Fritzel managed to point, “please sir, hand me my sword and dislodge this spear from my stomach, I will die like a man, not a skewered boar.”
Faringoth paused. A mere boy, dying like a lion, it seemed wrong for a man this young to be killed in such a way.
Fritzel saw the hesitation in Faringoths eyes, “My lord I beg you, let me die like the man I would have been.”
Faringoth was touched by his bravery, and slowly reached down and handed Fritzel his sword.
The boy gripped it and closed his eyes tightly. Faringoth then grabbed the spear tightly and put his foot on Fritzel’s shoulder. With a sharp tug, the spear came out, followed by a moan from Fritzel, but the moan was low and short.
Kneeling down again, Faringoth looked upon the boys face, now white with death.
“You fought as a soldier, you died as a hero. I shall find you’re friends and my comrades. All will know the story of Fritzel the Brave ere this year is done.”
With that, Faringoth took off down the eastern trail the Northmen had left. It wasn’t a hard trail to follow, but it was getting dark, and even skilled trackers have trouble at night.
I hope you've enjoyed.

Any comments?

Lord Eirek
12-19-2005, 11:48 PM
Very good! Are you writing more? If you do, post it if you will. :)

Edengoth
12-21-2005, 06:16 PM
yeah, I'll reguraly continue

but what is with all those symbols???


EDIT: I'm contemplaiting on adding creatures like Centaurs and Fauns to the plot.

As of now, the "mythological" creatures would be Dwarfs, Elves, Gnomes, and Goblins possibly. I don't want to put the story into the realm of TOTALY FANTASY like all those cheesy "drangon rider" books or whatever they are. I want it to be fantastic yet sort of beleivable.

My plan is to introduce the Mythilogical creatures later and more gradualy. not just throwing them in the readers face and saying "it's part of my story, accept it"
My story should be about men, then gradualy shifting to the world of many other creatures that inhabbit the place.