Physical affection

[Ephinie]

Some cultures are high-contact, and others are low-contact. For example, you'll see a lot less hugging, kissing, and other physical contact between people if you go to Great Britain than if you go to some place like Italy. There is somewhat of a difference in levels of physical affection among individual families within any given culture as well. Some families are pretty liberal when it comes to giving each other hugs, cuddling, kissing, and otherwise showing affection to their family members and close friends. Others show almost no outward affection regardless of how much they love each other.

So the question for this thread is, what causes the development of the use or lack of use of physical affection to show emotion in a culture or in a family? Can we draw any conclusions about a culture based upon whether it is high-contact, mid-contact, or low-contact?

[EveningStar]

This is a slam-dunk. You're talking about proxemics and there is a science devoted to it. I had the privilege of attending a lecture by the founder of proxemics many years ago.

Pleasurable touch of all kinds (yes, of all kinds) releases the neurochemical seritonin that gives that feeling of pleasure and sense of wellbeing.

When young children are not touched much, the mechanism atrophies. Kids grow up without the same hunger for physical affection that was their heritage as humans.

Of course to some degree there is a social component...in terms of how much meaning goes into each contact. I'm not saying that British people are, in general, so deprived of touch that they exhibit clinical symptoms. No, not that at all.

However there are social boundaries such as how far away two people stand while talking and how much touch is "icky" and how little touch is "cold" that are learned behaviors. To some degree the differences do not impair people...they are just part of the culture.

I'm pretty "touchy" myself. That puts me in good stead with all sorts of animals and children who respond well to that sort of attention.

If you want to go absolutely crazy, take your European or American proxemics to the Middle East. You can see untrained visitors talking with the locals literally travel across a room...the Englishman taking a step back during the conversation, the Saudi taking a step forward.... It's really funny.

If you want to see proxemics in action, watch people's hand gestures. Some people don't have to be gagged in a robbery....if they were handcuffed they'd be unable to cry for help! Others stand there and their voices are practically disembodied and could be coming from a loudspeaker on the wall. :D

[Ephinie]

If you want to go absolutely crazy, take your European or American proxemics to the Middle East. You can see untrained visitors talking with the locals literally travel across a room...the Englishman taking a step back during the conversation, the Saudi taking a step forward.... It's really funny.
I've seen this happen with Americans and Russians, actually. My dad did a lot of diplomatic work with Russia during the 80s and 90s, so I was around a lot Russian and American interaction. I was smart, though, and would say, "Okay... you stand there, and I stand here. DON'T MOVE!" Everyone else was too polite, so they would just keep taking a step back... hehe. Being a kid has some benefits.

Russians also like to kiss people a lot! They'll kiss your hand or your cheek most of the time. They're pretty good about not trying to kill you on the lips, though. But yeah, grown men will kiss each other on the cheek and stuff. However, the older ladies were the most frequent offenders when it came to kissing. I remember seeing my parents come home from events once or twice, and BOTH of their faces were covered in lipstick!

[LifeMaiden]

Asians who are Japanese and Chinese do not express affection much, and are not particularly expressive or passionate in the sense that Latin and Southern European cultures are.

I took a class which was a study about how climate affects culture. Even in the United States, take a look at the differences in styles and personality in comparing someone from New England and someone from the Deep South. In cold climates, such as Scandinavia, the personality there tends to be more abrupt rather than 'outgoing' and warm as opposed to Italy and Latin American and Polynesian cultures.

[Solya]

I can even tell the difference in my own country. ;) The people from the north are usually very outgoing and *out there* when it comes to the way they talk and behave. They talk a lot, but yet some of them are not that affectionate as they come across. The people from the south, where I live, are more laid-back and quiet/shy. They don't tend to draw much attention to themselves. Still every word they say seems to come right from the heart and these are also the people who will gladly help you and who are very warm towards others in general. I'm a typical southerner. ;)

I am very keen on receiving hugs from people and I do like to cuddle with family and close friends. My family can be called quite affectionate and the rest of the world easily sees that we love each other. I don't show my emotions that easily though, because I've experienced a lot of hurt in the past. I tend to be pretty shy when I first meet people but when they take the time to get to know me they'll come to know me as a very warm and caring person. :)

[QueenSusanofNarnia]

Ok ... I don't use as many big words as you guys, and you know it, and I don't make really long posts, but the enviorment I live in and the people I see (I'm in east USA)...there's TONS of physical affection going on here.
Especially at school. Girls go around like, "OMG bye!" to their friends and hug them good bye, even if it's just the end of the school day. Boys don't hug, an obvious thing, but they shove eachother and say "'bye" that way.
When I go around town I see people hugging and kissing and stuff and it's just something you see everyday.

[LifeMaiden]

Ok ... I don't use as many big words as you guys, and you know it, and I don't make really long posts, but the enviorment I live in and the people I see (I'm in east USA)...there's TONS of physical affection going on here.
Especially at school. Girls go around like, "OMG bye!" to their friends and hug them good bye, even if it's just the end of the school day. Boys don't hug, an obvious thing, but they shove eachother and say "'bye" that way.
When I go around town I see people hugging and kissing and stuff and it's just something you see everyday.

How many of those people are Asian, though?

I think as time goes by, in this country at least, physical affection is more natural. When you see old photos of our grandparents, from whatever culture, but particularly Anglo-Saxon/German/Scottish and Asian, you will see that seriousness about them, an almost dour quality. They might have equated physical affection with frivolity and sinfulness for all we know.


I just remember that a couple of these girls from Japan at my college...well you know, when you say good bye to someone, you usually hug them. They weren't into that and I remember they didn't really know what to do when I tried to do that, but I understood that their culture, since it is my own as well, isn't about that kind of physical affection.

[Wendygirljp]

IceMaiden,

It has been a while since you have visited your cultural "home", then?

Parents are almost ALWAYS touching their children. This touching creates a bonding and, as someone else posted, creates a physical response which improves physical as well as emotional health. Remember, in the majority of cases, the children still sleep with the parents until they are one to two years old, so there is almost constant physical contact. Mothers and fathers are almost always carrying their children, or walking hand-in-hand to and from the store, etc.

Close friends are touching often. Adult young women, for example, can be seen often, walking hand in hand or arms interlocked down many city streets, big cities and small. Young kids to adult males are always making physical contact with their close friends as well.

Yes, in a social environment, as in business, acquaintances are not afforded the same contact, because touch is treasured, not a "loose tool" or action.

Social contact DOES exist, by the way. Ask any rush hour commuter. While it may not be "reaching out", there is physical contact of all sorts and no, not the groper type of contact, but just commuters inside train cars.

Maybe what needs to be done is define what KIND of touching you are talking about. There are many kinds of contact.

I am not attacking you, but what you have posted looks more like what one sees in a movie or television from an "outsider" or gaijin, not what really happens.

By the way, I think this is an excellent topic of discussion!

[LifeMaiden]

As a culture most Asian people I know are simply not that way, and I grew up in a Japanese American family. I've never been to Japan, but my parents have. Compared to Latin American people or African Americans, I feel Asians are far LESS touchy and affectionate with their children and each other. In Japan, since you're from there, did you know that kissing in public was once considered a dirty and disgusting thing to do, for example? Perhaps things have changed, but my interactions with Asians are pretty frequent on a daily basis, and I just feel like they are a lot 'colder' in personality than other groups of people. By colder I do not mean 'mean' or 'hard', I mean that they are more reserved.

[Wendygirljp]

Ice Maiden

Yes, reserved, in public, may be a better way of putting that. At an Izakaya, during a matsuri or other festive event, however, there is a great deal of physical contact.

Again, what may be a difference here is the issue of acquaintances vs. friends or family. Yes, western culture is very "touchy feely" with acquaintances, where we are much more reserved with the acquaintances, but with friends, that is a whole different issue.

Speaking of being J/A, out of curiosity, do you ever celebrate the traditional festivals, holidays, etc.? Many san-sei and beyond have given up keeping their traditions, language, and other issues, which, imho, is a great shame.

In areas like Southern California, thankfully, there are some groups and communities who are keeping their cultures alive. Mid-July, for example, is Bon-odori. Now is our time for Obon, so we have a slight shift from the more "urban" areas. I hope you can participate in such events.

Many cultures have a richness which deserves preservation, I think. I also believe that when we lose our culture, we lose a bit of ourselves.

Thank you for your feedback and the opportunity to reply.

[Ephinie]

At an Izakaya, during a matsuri or other festive event, however, there is a great deal of physical contact.

Mid-July, for example, is Bon-odori. What is an Izakaya, a matsuri, and what is Bon-odori?

[LifeMaiden]

What is an Izakaya, a matsuri, and what is Bon-odori?


I don't even know what those are. The ones I am familiar with took place in California LOL...there was one called the OBON FESTIVAL, which brings out a lot of Japanese Americans and other people...with lots of food, Japanese traditional dancing and singing, foods like teriyaki, noodles, Japanese crafts, books, etc...it's a lantern festival with paper lanterns. The other one I remember was called the DARUMA FESTIVAL, and it's a traditional harvest festival where they have this weird looking pagan-like thing called a daruma, and at the end of the festival, they paint the eye on. Don't ask...I just know what I saw LOLOL.

I think...Matsuri means flower. " Hina Matsuri" is some flower festival, you know, cherry blossoms.

[Wendygirljp]

Ephinie - I do not know if you got the PM about the definition. Therefore, I will answer your questions in public.

An Izakaya is a public drinking and eating house. It is not culturally acceptable to have any big parties at one's home in Japan. It is preferable to have celebrations at a place like an Izakaya. There is less to clean up and more time for everyone to enjoy the time, anyway.

Matsuri means festival. Hanamatsuri is flower festival. Hinamatsuri, on the other hand, would be girls' festival - March 3rd.

Bon-odori is the event which is held during Obon, the time of the "Festival of the Dead", which many people mistake as "ancestor worship". It is a time to remember those ancestors of ours who have died, in a form of celebration and appreciation. It is a form of reverence, not worship. This time, usually in either July or August, depending on the location, is a time of dancing various ondo, or dances, which reflect the culture of a particular region, i.e., the Coal Miner's Dance, the Fisherman's Dance, etc. Sometimes, even communities have their own particular ondo. Fuji-ondo and Kasukabe-ondo are two examples for the city of Kasukabe, in Saitama prefecture. Kasukabe is known very well for its Fuji, or Wisteria.

I hope this clarifies things a bit.

[Ephinie]

Wendygirljp- Yes, I've gotten your PMs. Thanks very much for being so patient in answering all of my questions!

[Wendygirljp]

Thank you for asking. Again, understanding helps to build peace, I believe.