In an unfortu-, I mean unforseen series of events, it has been reported to NarniaFans that two of today’s most popular teenage singers/actors have been signed on as actors in The Magician’s Nephew! Justin Bieber, possibly the greatest teenage heartthrob of all time, has been cast as Digory Kirke. As his loyal fans (loyal is an understatement) say: “Beiber is amazing, he is this generations Batch, Bathoven and Moesart!” Justin is reported to be extremely excited about this role; he is already practicing his lines by putting them to music. He will also be recording a single to be played in the credits of the movie; rumors are that the single is titled “Never Eat Apples.” (UPDATE-lyrics can be found at the bottom of this post!)
Joining Bieber is Rebecca Black, a young lady who has recently risen to instant fame with her hit single, “Friday.” Miss Black is signed on to play Polly Plummer. She is ecstatic that this announcement has been announced on a Friday, because Friday is her favorite day of the week. Her agent would not respond to our question asking why she is so fond of this particular day of the week. On a related topic: Rebecca is reported to have just become a teacher! She is teaching kindergarteners the months of the year.
This is possibly the greatest (albeit unforseen) decision ever made in the history of movie planning, at least in terms of publicity. And publicity is exactly what the Narnia franchise needs right now. We of NarniaFans request that all Narnia fans around the world join hands together in public support of this decision; never say never to the planners at Walden Media and 20th Century Fox. We we we so excited! It’s going to be fun fun fun. We hope that U Smile about it just as much as we do!
Click on the picture below for more details. …Really, click on the picture. It just might radically alter the current state of life you are experiencing.
UPDATE: We just just received part of the lyrics to Justin Bieber’s single for The Magician’s Nephew, “Never Eat Apples.”
UPDATED UPDATE: Alright folks, now that it’s April 2, it’s safe to officially say that this post was an April Fools joke. To the best of my knowledge, none of this is actually happening. No, y’all fans across don’t need to join hands in support of it (although it’d be great if you could do so in support of anything the Narnia franchise actually decides on any day besides April 1!). I hope y’all had as much fun reading it as I had writing it! And for those of you who commented that it was a mean joke: If it came across as mean, I apologize; I had no intentions of harming anyone when I wrote it. If you read it again, you’ll see that I don’t criticize anyone (to the best of my knowledge). While the two singers mentioned are not my favorite people, it doesn’t warrant calling them names or anything. I was simply having fun, and I’m really thankful to all of you out there who appreciated it (and I know that at least the bigger half of y’all did)! By the way, I will give y’all exclusive permission to use/reproduce my amazing, beautiful, autotuned, Narnia-nized version of Justin’s song: “Never Eat Apples.” =)
P.S. Did you guys hear that the U.N. has officially declared that April Fools’ Day is now banned? They’re worried that if some bad event (whether a natural disaster or a man-made event) happens on April 1, nobody believes it (there is historical precedent for this). So they’re abolishing April Fools’ Day!! Click HERE for more details and to see where you can petition against this unnecessary action.
Okay, if you can handle it, UPDATED UPDATE OF AN UPDATE: By popular demand, I’ve Narnia-nized Jaden Smith’s rap from Justin Bieber’s song “Never Say Never.”